Adult Bullying- It Happens, Exisits and it Hurts Like Hell!

I began to write about a different subject, but my heart is lingering in a different place.  I have found myself once again the victim of unwanted bullying and it hurts!

Yes, I am an Empowered woman, a strong woman and a woman that won't quit, yet I find myself weakened by the onslaught of whispers, looks, laughter and jeers. 

I find it difficult to get close to people that may or may not be aware of what is happening.  You see my bully quickly befriends them and fills their head with poisonous lies.  I find myself evaluating if getting close and then having them turn away from me suddenly is worth the trouble.

I know that I am not the only person who is suffering from the woes of adult bullying.  I hope that my words and admission give you courage and strength.  You are not alone and either am I! 

The Dilemma

I have considered speaking to people in authority, but the reality is I may be perceived as the trouble maker.  I may not be taken seriously or they my choose to sweep my concerns under the rug.  I am not willing to risk another negative outcome at this point.

Confronting my bully is a waste of time.  They know what they are doing and find pleasure in my pain.  I am not willing to risk more ridicule and lies at this point.

The truth is I feel helpless and I feel like I have no one and no where to turn.  I have been chonically bullied on and off over the years.  Frankly I am tired and just want to quit!  I do not want to be in this situation.  I do not want to be subjected to this shame for a year, but my current location is a part of my long term goal. 

I hate to let others ruin this for me, but I am spent!  The hateful evilness I have endured over the years has wore me down.

What is an Empowered Person to Do?

At this point I will continue on my journey.  It hurts like hell and I even shed tears.  The road ahead may be rocky and even inflict emotional and mental wounds that will take years to heal.  Be that as it may, I value the education I am getting and will endure the shit to reach my goal.

This isn't anything that me, God and Oprah can't handle (said with an honest smile). 

I will keep you updated along the way.  If you are experiencing bullying, you are not alone!  Pull yourself together, cry if you must but do not quit or give up on you!

photo via umbrella-d.com via Google images





Breaking Dysfunctional Family Ties to Live an Empowered Life

In life people tend to be repetitive!  This is most evident in the relationships that shape the quality of a person's life.  The times that are most fulfilling are normally connected to positive work relationships, supportive partners and good, fun friends.  They bring out the best in everyone and cultivate growth.  Unfortunately, many vital relationships are warped because of dysfunctional family ties.

These dysfunctional family relationships are systems people do not choose.  They have a profound effect on how people interact with one another.  If a person holds the position of "the smart one" in the family, they tend to be "the smart one" in group situations.

It is like a script that is played out or a movie that is ran over and over again.  I have felt the pain of a dysfunctional cycle in my own life.  No matter how hard I tried to change the people I associated with, change the settings and even try to change my approach, nothing stopped the cycle.

I found myself in a subservient position.  Closed into unhappy positions that did not allow me to share my gifts and talents.  It was always that one one person that came along and destroyed what was happy.  I would feel lost, powerless and helpless, just waiting for someone to stop my tormentor. 

Each time my movie played, I would learn something new.  Many times God teaches us slowly and gently.  The last great lesson was the family.  I had a person in my family that treated me as a second class citizen.  I learned to assume my position each time she arrived.  This pattern was ingrained in me and I didn't even know it! 

I began to reflect upon my childhood and similar experiences.  I found one common denominator.  The family member that always keep me under thumb.  The family member that always needed attention, the family member that always needed people to hate me.  This was the same person, but she wounded me in many ways.

It began at such a young age that it became part of my makeup.  Such a natural part of my interpersonal relationships, that I did not recognize it was wrong until years later.  Years into my adulthood.  Years into abusive relationships. 

When I realized what was happening I knew I needed to stop the madness.  I made contact with the family member that punished me for living.  They refused to meet me face to face and never said sorry.  I wanted to tell them how their mistreatment poisoned my relationships.  I wanted to say that their hate for me wasn't love.  I want to say that I was making a choice to be free and that I knew I was a good, loving person. 

I refuse to be afraid of people similar to her.  They have pissed on everything that is important to me long enough.  I refuse to allow this falsehood to inform my life and relationships.  It is not always perfect, but it is much, much better.

Finding the courage to break poisonous family ties is the first step to healthy relationships.  It is possible to find real, solid relationships.  It simply takes rooting out the lies of the past and then replacing them with truth.

You have the right to be in control of your life.  You have the right to shine and the right to have people love you.  Let your dysfunctional family members put their trash in the garbage, not you!

It is never too late!  Empower yourself and reclaim your life!

photo via ilovemybaby.org via Google images

Meeting Life's Challenges is the Road to Success

What is a queen without a kingdom?  What is a warrior without a battle?  What is a husband without a wife?  What is a mother without a child?  What is a writer without a story?  What is a musician without an instrument?  What is a lover without a partner?  What is a solution without a problem?

All of these images embody the emptiness one experiences when life's challenges are not overcome.  It seems that the pain comes from defeat, but it runs much deeper.  It is also the God given gifts inside of you yearning for an outlet.

The other side of the challenge is the kingdom, the battle, the wife, the child, the story, the instrument, the partner, the problem.  It is the playground for your gifts and talents to exercise, grow and be free. 

These challenges are most significant in the lives of people that have determined goals in life.  The ability to maintain excellence when a goal is met, is developed along the way, through challenges.  When I was a new hospital chaplain, I was constantly confronted with challenging situations.  I had to overcome many fears to be successful in my job.  I found myself growing and doing more than I ever dreamed.

Then came the big challenge!  I was filled with fear and distress.  I was unable to effectively rise to this challenge and my growth was redirected.  I no longer had a hospital for my chaplaincy gifts and talents.  I had to self-reflect and decide if my dream was worth overcoming my fear. 

Meeting this challenge is something I approach with nervousness, but I realize it is the only way to reach my ultimate goal.  And the only way to pull out more of the substance God gave me to function in my purpose. 

The Message

The message I want you get...treat life's challenges as an oven.  After you put all the ingredients of your dreams and goals together...let the challenges of life bake the perfect cake!

The challenge is not comfortable, but without it you will not have the necessary tool to finish your dream.  Realize it is an opportunity to become the best, Empowered you possible!

photo via jerecro721.wordpress.com via Google images

Who are You Letting Get The Best of You? Stop The Madness!

There are times in life when you allow people to lie to you.  You know that they are full of it, but you let it slide.  You know someone is making a fool of you, but you allow the whole scene to take place.  Why?  Why are you letting people get the best of you?

It is in these moments of surrender that positive energy is seeped away.  Every good thing is compromised in the moment and instant opinions are formed.  If you want people to respect you, why do you let them get the best of you?

I was recently in a situation and I let someone lie to me, or at least blow me off and give me a bull$hit answer.  As I reflected upon it, I had to ask myself why.  I conducted myself with respect for  45 minutes, but in a moment I compromised it all. 

The meeting had a positive outcome, but I allowed some of my power to be taken.  I allowed someone to lie to me.  I did it because of their title.  They were in a position of authority and I had the crazy notion allowing this lie to pass somehow honored them.  This came from a place of oppressed thinking.

Not so!  I have the right and the responsibility to only allow truth into my space.  This is how to contain real power and infuse fresh energy into your life.  There is not any honor in letting people get the better of you.  You are not doing them or yourself any favors.  Stop the madness and shut a door of chaos in your life.

This does not guarantee every situation will work in your favor, but it will protect your personal space and keep it sacred and clean.

When you suspect a lie is being offered here are some ways to handle the situation:

1. Ask for clarification.  Let the person or people know you need more information to understand.  There is not a reason to be rude, but be firm and polite.
2. If you are still unhappy with the answer, share your opinion.  Part of good communication is helping people understand your position.  You can not control another man's actions, but you can conduct your own.  
3. You have a choice.  You can participate based on something you do not believe to be true or you can say "no."  You do not have to willingly subject yourself to compromising situations that can cause you harm.  
4. You can let them know you do not believe their statement.  The truth never hurts, but always use wisdom.

Life can be tough and it is important not to let anyone willing get the best of you.  Be Empowered and stop the madness!

The Good Girl Must Die!

A one dimensional person is lying to themselves.  No one is all good all the time.  As a woman I thought it was my place be good, even during my years of being a "bad girl" I still had a persona within my group as a "good girl."  There were certain lines I did not cross because I needed to be "good."

What is a good girl or person?  A person that lives their lives believing they are walking a saint.  They do everything to live up too society's definition of a good woman.  They continually deny their true feelings and act upon being liked by others.  It is a life full of artificial connections, fake smiles and suppressed emotions.  The "good girl" must die!

My good girl delusions were broken when a bully began spreading rumors about me.  They said I was a whore, liar and anything else vile and evil which exists.  I never knew exactly what was said, but I knew my image was damaged.  I was crushed because I had lived to be everything pure and in line with Jesus.  The only problem was I was denying my authentic self and did not even realize it!

I thought being humble and overlooking the bad behavior of another person made me a better person.  I thought because I made the choice of waiting for sex until married made me pure and holy.  I thought suffering the abuse of a-holes was something to be endured until God pulled me out of the situation.  I thought never getting angry was good.

How wrong!  The good girl must die!  The good girl image holds women in invisible prisons of piety.  No one ever has to worry about the good girl fulfilling her dreams.  She will live her life bond in a stagnant swap of "good enough."  It is time to kill the good girl and embrace your entire being.

As a woman you have all kinds of feelings, thoughts, desires and needs.  Society tells us that certain wants and needs are bad because good girls are not like this or that.  Not true!  Women have the right to experience the fullness of our existence and this can not be done if everything about you is being denied.

At one time in my life, I saw the world as black or white, right or wrong, good or bad.  But now I am realizing life if full of shades of gray.  Harsh stringent standards create impossible rules for anyone to fulfill.  Living in the gray and accepting yourself as less than perfect is the only way to breath and experience the gratification of being you.

I am certainly not telling you to start cussing everyone out that ticks you off or encouraging you to have sex with strange people.  I am telling you that your thoughts and feelings are normal!  And embracing all of you and being okay with yourself just the way you are kills the good girl.

This is how you get started:

1. Realize your emotions are not evil.  We all have feelings.  Feelings of love, hate, desire, lust, envy, happiness and sorrow.  It is a part of what makes us human.  Emotions are gifts from God.  They allow us to understand how situations are effecting us.  When we understand how we feel, we can act appropriately.  Not based on our feelings, but based on our values.   If your feelings conflict with your beliefs, explore it! Don't ignore it!  Be available to yourself to make adjustments and changes when necessary.  Remember you are on a journey and should be evolving all of the time.
2. Know your values.  You should know what is important to you and make decisions to uphold and protect these things in your life.  If you have to be mean or fight for what you believe in, it is okay.  Be true to yourself!
3. It is okay to be different. Many times the desire to fit kills your ability to be your authentic self.  It is okay to be different.  If it were not God would have made us all the same.  Instead of going along with the crowd, have the courage to stick your values and beliefs.  If you are the only one wearing red shorts at the gas station with white strips and everyone is moved by your fashion statement, be happy!  

Now go kill the good girl and be complete and whole.  That good girl is empty and miserable, yearning for the day she can be bold and beautiful.  Make that day today! 
photo via sharewithaline.wordpress.com via Google images

Suppressed Memories Can Be The Breadcrumbs of Life

Have you ever had an event happen in your life over and over again?  Have you ever wondered why good situations turn bad?  Have you ever wondered why people hurt you, even when you think they are good?  I have got a hunch! 

When traumatic events happen in your childhood they can set the course for the rest of your life.  I believe that even though the road can be painful, when you can see the origin of the patten you can be set free. 

Blocking out traumatic memories is a defense mechanism.  However, traces of the event resurface themselves in strange ways.  They can come back in the form of relationships, eating disorders, poverty or drug addiction.  A person can be scared and running and never even know why.  A horrible as some of the ways these memories play out, they can be bread crumbs that lead you home.

Once you see the reason why painful events occur you can begin to heal, find solutions and move forward. 

Learning How to Find Financial Freedom- Stop Going Around the Mountain!

It has been a very busy time in my life.  I have been focusing on my new business and working hard to nurture its care.  If you have not had a chance check out Donna's Dollhouse! 

One of the biggest concerns people have in their lives is money!  Struggling from paycheck to paycheck and wondering how to breakthrough the confinement of financial oppression.  I have had a love hate relationship with money.  I have been extremely poor and extremely well off.  I have spent more time in the red, and I would personally like to turn this around.

At this time in my life, the finances are tight.  Many factors have played into this.  Unemployment, a lack of knowledge about how money should be used, being surrounded by people that bring me down and an overall ignorance of money in general. 

Empowerment means taking responsibility for all areas of my life.  It is easy to blame others, and I have had some really terrible things done to me.  These people should be held accountable, but it is up to me to make sure it does not happen again.  Life lessons can take time and I have gone around many mountains for years.  Stepping out in a new direction takes courage and an internal decision to not take it anymore!

Poverty is something I do not want to take anymore!  I believe dreams do come true and this is not any different.  I guess I equate poverty to being overweight.  People struggle for years trying to lose weight.  They go on diets and spend money, time and effort on plans that do not work.  When a person finally loses weight, they say it was a lifestyle change.  I have to make a lifestyle change concerning money! 

I have to admit, I do not know where to begin, but I know I have to have a plan!  Here is my plan:

1. Read a financial website.  I am going to start reading "The Wallstreet Journal" or the best free, reputable online financial publication I can find.  This will be like reading a foreign language to me, but I will look up terms, be patient with myself and learn as I go.
2. I am going to put $5 a month in a savings account.  This does not sound like a lot of money, but it is to me!  I am really feeling the tension in the Michigan economy.  The other reason for putting this money in the bank is forming a habit!  
3. Find a financial Adviser.  I am going to set up some appointments and find an adviser.  They may laugh at me or think I am crazy when they see my finances, but I do not care.  The main thing is finding someone I can trust, someone that believes in me and someone that takes me seriously.  
4. Pray!  I need the Lord to guide me in this and give me wisdom!  

If you are trying to turn your bank account into something that gives you resources instead of headaches, it only takes your decision.  You are not alone!

Abuse Does Not Define You- Your Perspecitve Defines You!

A person (man or woman) that has experienced long term abuse may see the world different than you.  Emotional, spiritual, physical and mental abuse teach a person that they are powerless.  They are taught that they are second class and having nice things are for others.

It is an internal prison that traps the victim's thinking and causes them to subject themselves to abusive people.  It is a wonderful thing when abused people are able to get out of terrible situations.  Unfortunately the trauma can latch onto every aspect of their life.

A person can become victimized by the world, until a self realization of their worth is experienced.  It is an incredible revelation, but one muddled with grief.  The same moment a person understands how worthy they really are, they realize how much of their life has been damaged. 

This stirs feelings of anger, sadness, loss and confusion.  It is important to work through these emotions.  It is also important to get to the important business of living a life of personal value! 

I want you to know that if you have been abused you are valuable.  You are not supposed to live a life subject to and surrounded by mean people.  Don't be afraid to take control of your life and be the person God created!  It is never too late to change your perspective and remove yourself from abuse.  50 is not too old, 80 is not to old, 18 is not to late and at 25 you are not washed up.  You have one life!  Live it to the fullest!
photo via iron.lcc.gatech.edu via Google images

Be Yourself and Take the Weight of The World off Your Shoulders!

Have you ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders?  Have you ever felt overwhelmed and sad, but did not know why?  Many of you have, but sadly did not realize it until the pressures or burdens of life were lifted.  The busy lives of most people consist of internal and external expectations that are out of balance. 

One of the biggest contributors to this lack of equilibrium is inaccurate thinking.  The belief that you are making the people around you happy or sad.  You are not responsible for another person's feelings.  Acting out of this belief is exhausting and will cause you to abandon the true you!  How can you be true to yourself if you believe your actions are fulfilling another person's existence. 

Be true to yourself!  You must understanding that each person is responsible for their own feelings and happiness.  You have the right to be yourself.  If it causes others to be hostile or upset, it their issue not yours.  Separate yourself for people that suck your energy and expect you to make them happy.  Separate yourself from people that constantly blame you for their problems. 

Surround yourself with people that actively participate in creating their own lives.  Surround yourself with people that take responsibility for their destinies and generate power from within.  Your life force is for you to have life.  When others rely on your life force to sustain themselves, it is crossing major boundaries and depleting your ability to have joy.

photo via blog.archristian.org via Google images

Empowered and In Love- A Guest Post by Kelli Dussault of My Life Downstream

As promised I have another great guest post for you!  Kelli Dussault blogs over at "My Life Downstream."  Her posts are incredibly touching.  They give the reader an insight into their own soul and allows them to make changes with dignity.  I have enjoyed reading Kelli's work for a while now and I am honored to have her share with you.  You can find her contact information at the end of this post.

They say no one can take your power away unless you give it to them. I agree with that to some extent, although sometimes it seems people can sneak in and razzle~dazzle you and before you know it you are tap dancing around, doing what you think they want you to do, being who you think they want you to be. This is especially prevalent when you're dating.

Why is it that when you meet someone new, you are fully being your wonderful amazing, the only you like yourself and then you slowly start to change. You start second guessing yourself, you want to hurry things along, seal the deal, make this happen and then you go into fear.
You start trying to be more of what you think he might like you to be, being different, being better.. as if that were even possible.

We want so much for this (relationship) to last, for him to stay, perhaps forever, we decide, mostly unconsciously that we are going to be the perfect partner. Wow, really? What does being the perfect partner even mean?

For a lot of us, we can want something to work so badly that we lose ourselves, give up our power, our pride, and that my friends is where it all goes downhill, quickly. We do things we don't necessarily want to do, and when he doesn't do the same for us we pout, we withhold (and you know what I mean), we whine, we bitch and moan. Yea, 'cause that's sexy right?

You want to be the best most amazing, most alluring partner you can be? Here's the secret, take back your power and just be you. Yep, that's right, I know it sounds simple, but it isn't easy.

Being fully in your power is knowing what you want, being who you are, completely, and allowing someone to love you. I know it can be scary, who's gonna love me just for being me?

The person who is brought to you by spirit, the one who just shows up one day as if by magic. The one so perfect for you that you don't have to give up your power for, and it doesn't even occur to you to be that foolish.  You don't feel the need to change a thing, everything just seems to fall into place.

I have done relationships both ways, the give up your power/ try to make something happen, and the allowing/keeping your power relationships.  I have to say, when you just be you, and have faith, what you are supposed to get, what you are supposed to learn will just show up without any manipulation on your part... Now that's powerful.
xo-K

Only love is real, nothing else exists... ~Marianne Williamson
To read more about my journey in life, love and relationships please check out, www.mylifedownstream.com

The Power of Journal Writing- A Tip for Empowered Living!

One of the most therapeutic activities I do is journal writing.  I have done it on and off over the years and find the greatest clarity when I put my thoughts on paper.  When I look back at the things I wrote and thought 15 years ago, I am amazed!  I can see a marked change in myself and the trouble areas that continue to challenge my perspective. 

I find that when I journal I am more aware of the world around me.  It is an Empowering action that returns great rewards.  These rewards enrich my life and help me find peace in a sometimes uncertain world.  I can find quiet and hear the voice of God. 

If you have never kept a journal or have not done so in a long time.  Get a journal and write out your thoughts, feelings and insights.  Try it for 2 weeks or a month and see how you feel. 
photo via: blisstree.com via Google images

Me and My Dad- The Relationship That Shapes You

I speak to my dad at least once a day!  I am grateful because my dad is 84 years old and still able to walk, talk and think clearly.  I did not realize I had another significant reason to be grateful until this week. 

I was talking to my dad on the phone and it just so happened that I had a friend over.  I was telling my dad I love you and insisting he not give me money.  As I was having this ordinary conversation, I looked at my friend and saw an emptiness in her eyes.  Then I remembered her dad was not there for her.  She was raised by her mother and continually disappointed by her dad.  I felt a moment of shame for telling my dad I loved him when I saw the gaze in her eyes.  That's when I realized the special gift I have because my dad cares.

I began to think of all of my other friends, co-workers, patients and acquaintances.  Many of them do not have relationships with their dads.  Their dads had re-married, beat their mothers, ran off with other women, sexually abused them or just missing in action.  Some of these people I know suffer from an emptiness and sense rejection that is difficult to heal. 

They have to live with the knowledge of someone that gave them life contributed nothing but pain to their existence.  I wonder if they look at strangers and think- is that my dad?  I wonder how different their lives would have been if their dads cared.  I wonder what the distance is between wholeness and brokenness? 

Now that I have come to this realization what does it mean for me?  Should I give extra compassion to those without dads?  Should I automatically assume a person is broken because their dads were absent?  Should I feel shame or guilt for having a dad that loves me?
 

Conclusions 

You were not responsible for choosing your dad.  God designed and designated each person a specific dad according to His purpose.  He knew what certain people would endure.  He also knew the potential each dad had to shape His creation.  It becomes the responsibility of each individual to use all of the good, the bad and the foul ugliness to become their best self. 

It is not easy walking through the pain of yesterday, but it has the ability to make today incredible.  Always remember you are not what anyone has done to you!  You are what God created you to be, now be courageous and become what God intended.  You have been set up for greatness! 

photos via: depressivedisorder.blogspot.com, mydoctor.daiserpermanente.org via Google images

The Power of Correct Thinking- Start with Your Imagination

My spiritual journey has led me to analyze the power of my thinking.  This concept is not new to me, but the depths of this creative principle have become astoundingly real.  This has been an awaking for me through my spiritual purification.

I realized I still had a deep rooted victim mentality that rotted and poisoned my experiences and relationships.  I felt powerless in many work situations and gave my power over to people that wanted to do me harm.  I blamed others over and over again for treating me cruelly and making my life miserable.  But when I decided to let go of being a victim, I had to hold myself accountable for the bad things in my life as well.  This epiphany by no means excuses abusive people for acting inappropriately and sometimes illegally.  What it does is hold me accountable for allowing the behavior to continue.

People that have been abused or that have experienced trauma have their imaginations poisoned.  If these dark fears and bad expectations are not properly dealt with continuous abuse is likely to occur.  The bad outcomes and bad relationships stem from a continuous mental movie of negative expectations.  As humans we are led in the direction of our beliefs, and we think and imagine in the direction of our beliefs.

Have you ever been daydreaming about your future and find yourself feeling afraid?  This is what usually happens.  Let's use a fictional character named Ruth.  Ruth is a 36 year old female that dreams of getting a college degree, working as an administrator and owning her own business on the side.  Currently Ruth is a clerk at K-Mart and takes classes here and there.

Ruth is extremely intelligent but often finds herself in bad situations.  She has had abusive boyfriends, bad bosses, back stabbing friends and accumulating debt.  No matter how hard she fights she ends up with the short end of the stick and she believes she is a loser.  Each time she dreams of success she imagines obstacle after obstacle blocking her path.  She does not think she is worthy and allows others to push her around.  Ruth's life is not going to change until she believe in herself and her ability to succeed.  She definitely has everything it takes to accomplish her dreams, but lacks the faith in her own existence.  

Ruth's life will not change until she believes she deserves better.  Your life will not change until you decide you can really do and be better.  Sometimes it takes an extraordinary event to bring this change about or you can use the power of correct thinking. 

The most important thing I want to leave you with is your imagination.  You have the ability to create a success in your mind or a failure.  Which one do you really want?  You have the power to imagine beyond your obstacles and live out your dreams in reality.  Taking control of your mind and imagination is Empowering and can bring about real change. 

If you can not see this video, view it on the website using this link

photos via: faqs.org, topnews.ae via Google images

Decision Making- Researching Your Choices

Making good decisions requires research!  Yes even the simple things in life, like buying dishes, picking party planners and buying a new cell phone.  The more information you have, the less likely you will be outwitted.  I tend to jump into situations and figure things out as I go along.  This patten has cost me many emotional, spiritual, financial and physical tribulations. 

I felt that if I did not jump at an interesting offer, I would lose out.  How wrong I have been.  It is more important to make informed decisions.  I could have avoided many years of needless pain and foolishness.  The bottom line, when you want to do things right, you do the research!

Researching your choices significantly slows down the pace of living.  It also delays the excitement of getting new things.  The trade off of losing these aspects of fast living are more solid investments that give long term happiness. 

Take a look at your life.  How many current situations are you navigating based on little or no research?  How much stress are these decisions causing you?  How many things are you fixing or changing?  How much money are you spending due to impulsive whims?  How many times have you said, if I had of known then, what I know now, I would have done things differently?  If you can answer any of these questions affirmatively it may be time to make some changes.

Some of the benefits of an informed decisions are:

1. Peace!
2. Organization
3. Long-term happiness
4. Less regrets
5. A better chance of having financial stability
6. A sense of accomplishment
7. You will hear a lie and avoid making foolish decisions
8. You become an example for your children, co-workers, family and other people in your circle

It is not too late to turn bad situations around or simply let them go.  Do research on your current situations and make them work for you, instead of against you.  Tell people you need time to think before you make a decision.  If they are pressuring you or you are feeling pressured step away and find the information you need.

An Empowered life is an informed life based on good research! 
photo via: flattlang.com, njpaccoop.org

Who am I?

The fundamental philosophical question man has asked from the beginning of time- Why are we here?  Another way to phrase this question on a personal level is "What is my purpose in life?"  Finding the answer to this question infuses your life with direction and Empowerment.

I pondered this question for years!  I was the person that could not decide on a college major because I had many different interests.  I took personality tests, career placement tests and later tests that focused on my spiritual gifts.  None of the answers seemed to help me define my future career.  Through much prayer and patience I discovered the chaplaincy.  I found my life's purpose.  I poured hours of preparation into my field of expertise.  I even started a spiritual care department at my community hospital.

I love the chaplaincy and still enjoy the work.  What I have discovered is a deeper purpose within myself.  I allowed the title of Chaplain to define me and my career.  When I was sabotaged and lost my job, I was hurt.  I felt betrayed, cheated and angry with myself and others because of the unjust circumstances that surrounded my dismissal.  I still have moments of anger and I continue to look for ways to clear my name.  While I was seeking justice, I discovered something almost as gratifying.

It is not my career that defines me, it is the expression of my gifts that give me life.

I encourage you to think about what activities make you feel most useful.  Then look at how many different ways you can transfer that activity into other arenas.  It is not the career that define you it is using your gifts.  As long as you remember this, you will never be limited! 
photo via: gurudesignz.com via Google images

Boundaries and The Respect Used to Clean Your Spiritual Home

God is sharing some amazing insight with me as I continue to purify my soul.  One of the most enlightening revelations God shared with me is my spiritual environment.  We all have an unseen area around us that sends out a powerful message.  It lets people and the universe around you know when you are confident, shy, mean, angry or unhappy.  This invisible space is like a house and should be kept in good order. 

Just as you expect people to respect your real home.  You should have the same expectation of others respecting your spiritual home.  How many of you would allow someone to come into your kitchen with an arm full of human feces?  How many of you would allow a friend to pour a bucket of blood on your white carpet, let them come back over and still call them a friend?  Most of us would not allow this to happen, but it does everyday. 

Allowing people to dump their mental, spiritual and emotional baggage is messing up your spiritual home.  How does this happen?  Well, let's say someone in your circle is angry about something random.  If they choose you as an outlet to cope with their anger, how will you allow them to do it?  They could yell at you for no reason, they could make your life miserable or they could sit down and talk about their hurt feelings.  Which one of these is acceptable to you?  We have a right and a responsibility to keep smelly trash out of our spiritual homes. 

The process of keeping your spiritual home clean begins with awareness, boundaries and claiming your right to Peace. 

1. Determine your boundaries.  Look over your life and take inventory.  What are the things that caused you pain?  How will you handle the situation if it arises again?  What are the words you will use and how are you going to respond to the response of others?
2. Practice, practice, practice.  You have allowed certain behaviors to take place in your space for a while.  It takes time to form new habits.  Do not give up because you are not doing what you planned.  Get back up and try again.  It is about the process, not the destination.  
3. Be aware of the hate seed.  Some people like to hide their bad behavior and use others to do their dirt.  They poison the minds of others and send them into your space with a "hate seed."  These people that had the seed planted will treat you rude without any cause.  They will be suspicious about who you are and question everything about you.  This is because someone is feeding them hate and dumping in your spiritual home.  Get to the bottom of all odd, uncomfortable, suspicious and uncharacteristic behavior.  Do not let someone plant their hate in another to destroy you!  
4. Get comfortable in your own body and space.  You do not have to be perfect.  Your unique shape, personality and contributions are excellent.  Know that you are good, flaws and all.  You are on a journey of becoming.  If you believe you are already there, good or bad, there is not any room to grow. 

Begin to keep your spiritual home clean by creating boundaries and respecting yourself.  One day at a time.
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Am I That Stupid...

I am 40 years old and I still have the ability to be stupid!  What was going on inside of me to allow myself to lie, because I thought someone was telling me the right thing to do.  How stupid can I be?  What the heck is wrong with me.

I hate the way failure feels!  I hate the way foolish feels!  I hate when I do stupid things and I should have known better.  If this were you and you told me what you did, I would say:  Do it over.  I would say do not give up.  I would say, it is not over and you can not stop trying.  It is sometimes easier to see the possibilities in others.

Today I am taking my own advice.  I am not giving up, even though I hurt like hell!  I am not giving in, even though I want to quit.  I am going to forgive myself and even though I feel like the biggest fool on the planet.  I refuse to play the role of the victim.  I am going to be the strong woman that I am and try to fix what I have done wrong. 
 
I say to you: DO NOT GIVE UP!  Your worse failures have rich lessons. 
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Changing Your Normal Life to a Successful Life- Do You Have The Qualities?

If you had to rate your life on a scale of 1 to 5, what criteria would you use?  Are you considering the things that you want and do not have?  Are you evaluating your career?  Are you thinking about your family or the car you drive?  Many times the gauges used to answer this question are based on material possessions and present circumstances.  Looking outside of yourself to rate the success of your life is unstable.  Things and people are continually changing.  The best sources for judging life's level of satisfaction are internal.  A normal life can become a successful life if you possess the right internal qualities.

Different groups name these qualities in various ways.  I love the names used in the Bible.  They are called fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22).  When you develop these internal navigators your life changes from normal to successful.

The external problems of life are just that, outside of you.  You begin to use your internal strength to understand and manage what you can not control.  For example, if your relationships are stressful friends and others can make life miserable.  But when you decide to be patient and use your self-control the foolish antics of others are not a concern.  Others may want to cause you emotional pain, but when you understand this temporary situation will pass, just as all other problems your life becomes successful. 

Choosing to function by internal qualities Empowers you to make healthier choices.  These choices will move you into a successful place, but until you get there you can rely on your patience.  You can be good to others and be faithful in nurturing your spirit.  Joy will comfort you and kindness will stop you from becoming bitter. Gently handling yourself and others will minimize destruction to your life and others on the way to success.

Just as the seasons change, your circumstances change.  You have already won when you allow yourself to experience joy in the rain.  Cultivating these qualities is part of the journey.  Here are some ways to change your normal life to a successful life by using these qualities.

1. Pray.  Prayer is an act that reassures you.  It reminds you God is helping you and protecting you along your journey.
2. Read your scriptures.  Reading the scripture of your chosen religion cultivates your soul.  As a Christian I always feel comforted by the nurturing words that give life to my soul.
3. Volunteer.  Give to people in need, even when you are lacking yourself.  Find an organization that is important to you and share your time.  Knowing you are contributing to life in a positive way quickens your spirit.  
4. Realize life is not perfect.  You will always be confronted with challenges.  Know that you are not doomed or cursed because bad times come your way.  Manage from a place of internal love knowing you will persevere.  This way when the good times come you will be able to fully rejoice.  

Your normal life has now become successful.  Even when things and people around you are not great.  This is because you have used your internal qualities to experience a life of the charts!
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Kick Defeat in the Face and Reach for the Stars!

Throughout life you are faced with many challenges.  These trails come in the form of job losses, divorce, death, discrimination, difficult people and just plain bad luck.  As obstacles and challenges present themselves choices have to be made.  Most people clearly see the injustices perpetrated by others when bad times come.  It is easy to see how co-workers treated you unfairly.  It is easy to blame your spouse because they are the ones who cheated.  It is easy to blame, but blaming gives away power.  Blaming allows others to have control of your life.  Try this perspective?

Each obstacle you face is an opportunity to excel. That's right.  When you are hardest hit do the right thing and develop the confidence you need to achieve your dreams.  How many times have you compromised when faced with mountains?  How many times did you throw in the towel because the task seemed impossible?  I am here to tell you that these times separate the boys from the men.  The girls from the women and the winners from the losers.  When you are hit dig deep and pull out that greatness inside of you to do the right thing.  This is how you reach for the stars!

Each time you blame others when things get tough, you lose a little bit of yourself.  Blaming another person for your problems allows you to be a helpless victim.  The problem is no one is coming to save you!  I mean the you on the inside, your soul. 

When you stop blaming others you can reach for the stars!  In this life we face some incredible challenges.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream of integration when it was legal to call him a nigger at work.  He could have given up on his dream and lived until he was 90.  This compromise would have killed his soul and made him a miserable person.  He would have lost self-respect and lived a life of shame.  Instead he reached for the stars and lived a shorter life with greatness.

You have this same greatness inside of you!  You may not be able to compare yourself to Dr. King, but I can!  God created you both for great things.  Your dreams may not get national headlines, but they can make a difference.  They can change your life and Empower you. 

Do not compromise your soul.  Do the right thing and reach for the stars!
photos via: thepositivelife.com, life-evolution.com via Google images

Now that the Baby is Gone- Reflections on My Daughter's Baby Project

My daughter's baby simulation project is over (this link will take you to the original post).  She turned her 'son' in yesterday and I could not be happier.  Now that I have had a chance to reflect on my reactions, I have discovered some new things about myself.  My initial outrage was probably fear.  I can not even play with the idea of my daughter having a baby at 17.

I did not help my daughter with anything.  I wanted to reinforce my strong stance, I do not approve of getting pregnant as a young teenager with out means or a husband.  She woke up at various times during the night to feed and change this baby.  She had to sacrifice watching her favorite television shows to nap while the baby was sleep.  She also struggled to get her homework done because she was busy with the baby.  I am still certain this project promotes single parenthood.  I think the ideal of joint responsibility should be taught and discussed.  Young men and women need to learn to depend on each other to raise their children.  It isn't just the girl's baby and the boy's part-time accessory. 

I have to tell you the second day my daughter had her baby, I wanted to help.  It took everything in me to hold back.  I hated to see her struggle and be sad.  Her fantasy was crushed and she realized having a baby was really tough.  I wanted to tell her how to hold the baby.  I wanted to show her how to swaddle and rock the baby to sleep.  I wanted to fulfill my role as her mother and this 'baby's' grandmother.  It was unnatural not to help my daughter with her difficulties.  I hated being distant and allowing her to experience such a great responsibility alone.

I discovered that if this was real, I would be there for my daughter.  I realized how drastically both of our lives would change.  I got a preview of the love I will have for my grandchildren.  I saw what a great mother my daughter will be to her children!  I had the torture of seeing my daughter lose her teenage years, if this were real.  I felt the pain of life's lessons. 

Timing is everything.  I pray that the values I have instilled in my daughter will guide her in her choices.  I pray that she will align her life with biblical principles and have a perfect life.  As much as I want these things for my daughter, I know she will make mistakes.  I just hope the mistakes she makes will not alter her life and steal her dreams. 

Parents talk to your children about sex.  Share with them the consequences of such a choice.  Not just getting pregnant, but sexually transmitted diseases.  Really let them know how precious they are and the importance of saving themselves for their spouse.  It sounds old fashioned but sex can be pure and sacred in the unity of marriage.  

Empowered Peace is learning to wait for treasured moments, and teaching your children the value of waiting for adult experiences. 
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