How Deep are You Willing to Go?- The True Power of Spiritual Awareness

I believe that I am a good person!  I follow the rules, I always go out of my way to make sure I act with integrity and I work hard.  The issue is years of verbal and emotional abuse have filled my core with junk!  A part of me believes that inside I am bad because people have told me this over and over.

Passing this lump of poison has been an ongoing process.  I am much better now, healed in many ways.  I understand I am valuable and contribute many good things to the world around me.  I am amazed at how far I have come over the years.  Yet I have come to a stubborn, deep rooted place that opposes anything good.

This unwanted part of me believes that I will fail.  It believes that I am no good.  It believes that I am ugly and clumsy.  It believes that I am a whore.  It believes that I am a lousy liar that everyone hates.  It believes that I smell.  It believes that I would be better off dead because I will never be able to show my face to people.  This core that is exposing itself refuses to politely leave me and allow me to live a fully confident life.  It sneers at my hopes and dreams, stepping on them and laughing. 

I believe that people reflect what is going on inside.  I think it shows up in relationships, experiences and ultimately a person's ability to succeed.  I can see how these thoughts have hindered me in many ways.  I accepted less than I was due. 

God allowed me to remove a layer of spiritual trash with my spiritual transformation.  The challenging thing is what this process has revealed.  The dark, shadow ball of my life's past trauma, hurts, pains and disappointments.  This dark space is calling on things around me that I do not want in my life. 

Now that I see the power I have given this darkness.  I am changing the game.  There is 95% light inside of me and goodness that yearns for more expression.  This is where my authentic power lies.  That dark place in me that I allowed to dictate and limit my potential is now exposed.  I have given my attention to the light.  I thank God for a deeper spiritual awareness.

Are you willing to see what is wrong, to do what is right?
patvilla.blogspot.com, livelearnlovelook.blogspot.com via Google images. 

Who am I?

The fundamental philosophical question man has asked from the beginning of time- Why are we here?  Another way to phrase this question on a personal level is "What is my purpose in life?"  Finding the answer to this question infuses your life with direction and Empowerment.

I pondered this question for years!  I was the person that could not decide on a college major because I had many different interests.  I took personality tests, career placement tests and later tests that focused on my spiritual gifts.  None of the answers seemed to help me define my future career.  Through much prayer and patience I discovered the chaplaincy.  I found my life's purpose.  I poured hours of preparation into my field of expertise.  I even started a spiritual care department at my community hospital.

I love the chaplaincy and still enjoy the work.  What I have discovered is a deeper purpose within myself.  I allowed the title of Chaplain to define me and my career.  When I was sabotaged and lost my job, I was hurt.  I felt betrayed, cheated and angry with myself and others because of the unjust circumstances that surrounded my dismissal.  I still have moments of anger and I continue to look for ways to clear my name.  While I was seeking justice, I discovered something almost as gratifying.

It is not my career that defines me, it is the expression of my gifts that give me life.

I encourage you to think about what activities make you feel most useful.  Then look at how many different ways you can transfer that activity into other arenas.  It is not the career that define you it is using your gifts.  As long as you remember this, you will never be limited! 
photo via: gurudesignz.com via Google images

Boundaries and The Respect Used to Clean Your Spiritual Home

God is sharing some amazing insight with me as I continue to purify my soul.  One of the most enlightening revelations God shared with me is my spiritual environment.  We all have an unseen area around us that sends out a powerful message.  It lets people and the universe around you know when you are confident, shy, mean, angry or unhappy.  This invisible space is like a house and should be kept in good order. 

Just as you expect people to respect your real home.  You should have the same expectation of others respecting your spiritual home.  How many of you would allow someone to come into your kitchen with an arm full of human feces?  How many of you would allow a friend to pour a bucket of blood on your white carpet, let them come back over and still call them a friend?  Most of us would not allow this to happen, but it does everyday. 

Allowing people to dump their mental, spiritual and emotional baggage is messing up your spiritual home.  How does this happen?  Well, let's say someone in your circle is angry about something random.  If they choose you as an outlet to cope with their anger, how will you allow them to do it?  They could yell at you for no reason, they could make your life miserable or they could sit down and talk about their hurt feelings.  Which one of these is acceptable to you?  We have a right and a responsibility to keep smelly trash out of our spiritual homes. 

The process of keeping your spiritual home clean begins with awareness, boundaries and claiming your right to Peace. 

1. Determine your boundaries.  Look over your life and take inventory.  What are the things that caused you pain?  How will you handle the situation if it arises again?  What are the words you will use and how are you going to respond to the response of others?
2. Practice, practice, practice.  You have allowed certain behaviors to take place in your space for a while.  It takes time to form new habits.  Do not give up because you are not doing what you planned.  Get back up and try again.  It is about the process, not the destination.  
3. Be aware of the hate seed.  Some people like to hide their bad behavior and use others to do their dirt.  They poison the minds of others and send them into your space with a "hate seed."  These people that had the seed planted will treat you rude without any cause.  They will be suspicious about who you are and question everything about you.  This is because someone is feeding them hate and dumping in your spiritual home.  Get to the bottom of all odd, uncomfortable, suspicious and uncharacteristic behavior.  Do not let someone plant their hate in another to destroy you!  
4. Get comfortable in your own body and space.  You do not have to be perfect.  Your unique shape, personality and contributions are excellent.  Know that you are good, flaws and all.  You are on a journey of becoming.  If you believe you are already there, good or bad, there is not any room to grow. 

Begin to keep your spiritual home clean by creating boundaries and respecting yourself.  One day at a time.
photo via: Google images

"Working on Monday"- What if I Win?

This unemployment experience has been like none other.  I am working my plan and seeing results.  I must admit the way my goals are materializing is not how I visualized them.   I knew what I wanted but the form is different.  My direction has opened up new doors and opportunities I never thought of pursuing.  But, what if I win?


It is imperative that you prepare yourself to win.  Wanting a promotion, desiring a new business or bidding for a raise require you to take action.  This is the beginning of your dreams coming true and an excellent start.  Your heart is filled with hope and a new energy surrounds your presence.  The excitement of the chase is one mindset, but maintaining a dream is another.

When You are Not Prepared!

A Showtime documentry titled Reversal of Fortune, tracked a homeless man.  He found $100,000 while searching for bottles.  This money was planted by the documentary producers.  The homeless man agreed to have his experience filmed after finding the money.  They offered him a financial consultant, free of charge, but he refused.  Ted Rodrigue, the homeless man, blew all of his money.  

He was not prepared to manage $100,000.00.  He even turned down the resources that would significantly increase his chances of success.  Rodrigue had a mindset that prevented him from living a different lifestyle.  The point...

If you do not prepare yourself to win, you will lose.  You will behave and think at a level that is opposed to your new position.  For example, A pregnant woman carries her baby for 9 months.  She eats right, exercises, makes sure she get proper rest, goes to the doctor and takes her vitamins.  As she gets closer to the delivery date shopping for the baby is a smart idea.  The baby will need diapers, clothes, formula and other items to survive.  Let's say this mother is only concerned about her pregnancy phase and does not prepare for the baby being born.

When the baby comes home this mother is lost.  She does not have anything to keep the baby clean and the baby sits in soiled undergarments or nothing at all.  The baby is constantly crying because he is hungry, but the mom has no formula.  She does not breast feed because she does not know how and she is lost.  If this continues the baby will be taken away from her or not survive.  This is how your dreams are...If you do not prepare a place for them, they are taken away or die.

The Next Level

What does the next level of your career look like?  Did you create a space for it to thrive and survive?  If you are unable to answer this question you will lose.  Here are some ways to prepare for your career goals?

1. Learn how people living your dream think and live.  Success will require an adjustment in your life style.  Begin to prepare your family for this and begin to act as if you are already there.  Get comfortable in your skin and welcome change.  I hear people say they will never change and try to be the same, even when they hate it.  They are usually trying to get the approval of the people around them.  When you really think about it, is it fair to you or them?
2. Stop apologizing for wanting more out of life.  This attitude comes across in everything.  You have every right to pursue your dreams.  If other people are offended by your ambition, it is their problem.  Take them off of your list and keep going.  Keeping people like this around is dead weight. 
3. Keep up the good work.  If you have not heard this today, you are doing a great job.  When you are trying to make the most out of your life, compliments do not always come with the journey.  It takes courage to reach your full potential.  
4. Always act with integrity.  When you make decisions and take action use integrity.  If you have to lie, sleep and manipulate your way to the top, the price tag is too high.  This will steal the essence of your soul and turn you into someone you do not want to be.  You may even say "I will only do this until I make it" this is not true.  There will always be another level of achievement.  Nothing is worth killing your soul and the souls of others around you.  

Now that you are preparing to win.  You should have everything you need when you arrive!
Until next Monday...
photos via: syahindahsahusi.blogspot.com, industrysourcenetworks.com, starfishperformance.com via Google images

After the Devastation...The Purification of the Soul

I had a terrible day yesterday.  It left me doubting myself, my integrity and my ability to live out my dream.  I had a moment of losing hope and I wanted to give up.  I cried for a long time and tended to my wounds.  Now the devastation is over and I am looking at my dream.  I am not going to stop moving forward, the fire and desire in my belly still burns for success.  But the foggy presence of defeat has attached itself in my soul.  I can not be true to my vision with the marred corrosion of defeat attaching itself to my thoughts. 

I have to free my mind and get back to the place of clarity.  This is critical because I am nurturing and growing a vision. This vision needs to be feed healthy thoughts or the stench of foul dream destroyers will choke me out of my space.  After the devastation a purifying process must happen.  The sickness of defeat must leave my being or I will be crippled by its oppressive force. 

This is true for anyone looking to accomplish anything great.  Great success comes with major lows, the calm in between and extraordinary highs.  The important step that must happen after the devastation is purification!  If there is not a purifying the staleness of loss will linger and become interwoven in your work.  I do not know about you, but I want a pure work.  This is the type of foundation that is not easily broken.

My purification is going to a spiritual one.  Intense prayer, a healthy diet (leading to a possible fast), exercise and the speaking of life giving words.  Defeat will leave my presence and only life, a winner's attitude and a serious swagger will remain.  I am going to use this defeat to transcend my current existence and arrive in a fresh, clean, crisp and vibrant place.  I will not allow devastation to taint my dream. The devil and all of his evil dwell in the darkness of devastation.

If you want to take this journey with me I will post my daily activities on the Empowered Peace Facebook page.  I would like discussions to occur in the surroundings of the community forum.  This process will go on for me until I achieve a level of clarity and the freshness of a renewed mind, body and spirit.  You may stop, continue or just observe as your spirit guides. 

Here's to the trash going out and to the power of the spirit bursting through and taking us to new dimensions.  

If you are unable to view this video go to the website following this link. 

Are you ready to kick the $&!# out of your soul?

photo via: ehow.com, warmthofloveministies.blogspot.com via Google images

Am I That Stupid...

I am 40 years old and I still have the ability to be stupid!  What was going on inside of me to allow myself to lie, because I thought someone was telling me the right thing to do.  How stupid can I be?  What the heck is wrong with me.

I hate the way failure feels!  I hate the way foolish feels!  I hate when I do stupid things and I should have known better.  If this were you and you told me what you did, I would say:  Do it over.  I would say do not give up.  I would say, it is not over and you can not stop trying.  It is sometimes easier to see the possibilities in others.

Today I am taking my own advice.  I am not giving up, even though I hurt like hell!  I am not giving in, even though I want to quit.  I am going to forgive myself and even though I feel like the biggest fool on the planet.  I refuse to play the role of the victim.  I am going to be the strong woman that I am and try to fix what I have done wrong. 
 
I say to you: DO NOT GIVE UP!  Your worse failures have rich lessons. 
photo via: redstar5.com via Google images

Changing Your Normal Life to a Successful Life- Do You Have The Qualities?

If you had to rate your life on a scale of 1 to 5, what criteria would you use?  Are you considering the things that you want and do not have?  Are you evaluating your career?  Are you thinking about your family or the car you drive?  Many times the gauges used to answer this question are based on material possessions and present circumstances.  Looking outside of yourself to rate the success of your life is unstable.  Things and people are continually changing.  The best sources for judging life's level of satisfaction are internal.  A normal life can become a successful life if you possess the right internal qualities.

Different groups name these qualities in various ways.  I love the names used in the Bible.  They are called fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22).  When you develop these internal navigators your life changes from normal to successful.

The external problems of life are just that, outside of you.  You begin to use your internal strength to understand and manage what you can not control.  For example, if your relationships are stressful friends and others can make life miserable.  But when you decide to be patient and use your self-control the foolish antics of others are not a concern.  Others may want to cause you emotional pain, but when you understand this temporary situation will pass, just as all other problems your life becomes successful. 

Choosing to function by internal qualities Empowers you to make healthier choices.  These choices will move you into a successful place, but until you get there you can rely on your patience.  You can be good to others and be faithful in nurturing your spirit.  Joy will comfort you and kindness will stop you from becoming bitter. Gently handling yourself and others will minimize destruction to your life and others on the way to success.

Just as the seasons change, your circumstances change.  You have already won when you allow yourself to experience joy in the rain.  Cultivating these qualities is part of the journey.  Here are some ways to change your normal life to a successful life by using these qualities.

1. Pray.  Prayer is an act that reassures you.  It reminds you God is helping you and protecting you along your journey.
2. Read your scriptures.  Reading the scripture of your chosen religion cultivates your soul.  As a Christian I always feel comforted by the nurturing words that give life to my soul.
3. Volunteer.  Give to people in need, even when you are lacking yourself.  Find an organization that is important to you and share your time.  Knowing you are contributing to life in a positive way quickens your spirit.  
4. Realize life is not perfect.  You will always be confronted with challenges.  Know that you are not doomed or cursed because bad times come your way.  Manage from a place of internal love knowing you will persevere.  This way when the good times come you will be able to fully rejoice.  

Your normal life has now become successful.  Even when things and people around you are not great.  This is because you have used your internal qualities to experience a life of the charts!
photos via: hiseternalcompanion.com, danthurmon.com via Google images

The Construction is Done and The Community is Waiting for You!

The construction is all done!  I have a few minor technical details to work out, but we made it to the finish line! 

What I would like you to see first are the community forums!  You can get there by using the navigation bar.  This is a place for us to really talk and share out hopes, concerns, struggles and good news.  I will start discussions on the Empowered Peace Facebook page or Twitter.  You can also start a discussion!  We are all family here!  I was inspired to add a community forum by my fellow blogger Thank Q!  You can find his blog by following this link. 

The other changes I made were simple.  I had a few buttons removed to enhance functionality. 

Look around the forums and enjoy!
photo via: iconarchive.com via Google images

Excuses, Excuses- When are You Going to Face Your Fears?

The biggest thing that separates a person from their dreams if fear.  A fear of failing, a fear of succeeding, a fear of others and a fear of self!  The thing that keeps fear from becoming to great is an excuse.  "I can not start my own business because I work too many hours."  "I can not save money because I love to shop."  These are both excuses.  What excuses do you use to stop you from being afraid?

Your excuses are simply a gap between you and your fears.  When the gap is closed you are faced with the same decision...Are you going to face your fears or make another excuse?  Living on excuses is confusing and it causes one the eventually hate themselves.  Excuses are deceitful because they can become a false truth.  As long as you believe shopping is your truth, your true self is a distant image that slowly fades.  Each time that image presents itself, it reminds you that you are running away from your fear. 

Those are sad moments that can make you sad.  You know you are not being true to yourself and it hurts.

Did you know your full potential is on the other side of your fear?  All you have to do is go for it!  If you fail, get back up.  If you go backwards, take another step forward!  The main thing is you know you are pushing to grow.  It does not matter how many times you fall, it matters how many times you stand back up!

Sometimes it seems easier just to stay down.  You do not have to worry about getting knocked back down.  The harsh opinions of others seems to be minimized, but what about how you think of yourself?  Facing your fears is a lot less painful than living with broken dreams.  To live an Empowered life you must face your fears.  Then you will have Peace!
photo via: nomadzent.com via Google images

20 Ways to Say I love You Without Saying a Word!- A Loving Repost for Valentine's Day

via google images

Saying I love you to someone special is a gift.  It is easy to forget the value of love in the busy day to day activities of life.  Working, raising children, pursuing personal goals and caring for the sick often overshadow the needs of your partner.  I encourage you to stop and remember the precious person that you love and loves you back.

Falling in love is one of the most beautiful events in life.  It fills your being with hope, joy and meaning.  Love is certainly something that gives quality to life.  So in honor of the gift of love, here are 20 ways to say I love without using words.

photo via

1. Stare lovingly into your loves eyes.
2. Send a hand written love letter expressing your feelings.
3. Remember something special your love talks about and find a way to fill their request.
4. Ask them to dance when you are at home and no one else is around.
5. Wear something really nice.
6. Have their favorite radio station dedicate a song to them from you.
7. Clean the house.
8. Get a babysitter for the kids and reconnect with your love.
9. Write them a poem.
10. Fill up their gas tank and get their car washed.
11. Give your love a soft romantic kiss at an unexpected time.
12. Invite them out with your friends.
13. Sing a love song to them, even if you can not sing.
14. Hold their hand while you are watching a movie.
15. Say you are sorry for all the times you ever hurt them or left them alone.
16. Let your love have the television remote control for the weekend.
17. Stop what you are doing when your love talks and really listen.
18. Clean up their mess instead of yelling.
19. Acknowledge the kind things they have done for you since you have known them.
20. Pray for your love.

Now say,

photo via

Love Resources

 Does Falling in Love Make Us More Creative? (a scientific look at love)

The Love Calculator (find the chances of love between you and a dream partner)

Lovingyou.com (love, relationship and romance resources, packed with great information)

Weekend Getaways (Marriott Romance Packages)

Great Love Stories

Life Insurance and Funeral Arrangements- Wonderful Gifts of Love

Funerals are not a topic many people like to discuss. They bring up images of death and stir painful feelings.  As a hospital chaplain a lot of my time was spent with grieving families and the issues that surround death and funeral arrangements.  Personally I was a major contributor in planning my mother's funeral.  My family had to talk about money, flowers, clothing and locations.  I wanted to grieve the loss of my mother, not plan her last viewing. 

Two of the greatest gifts you can give your family are a pre-arranged funeral and the money to pay for it!  These kind gestures will take a tremendous burden off of your loved ones.  The average funeral costs about $10,000.00.  I do not know many people who have an extra $10,000.00.  The majority of people are living with a small savings, if any at all. 

Invest in a life insurance policy.  It does not have to be millions of dollars.  Just enough to cover the cost of the services.  I have seen so many families unable to pay for the funeral of someone they love.  Some are forced into cremation because a traditional burial was too expensive. 

Planning your funeral is certainly awkward.  Who wants to think about dying?  But taking a few moments with a funeral director and securing a life insurance policy can bring comfort to your family, when they need it most.

The Average Cost of Life Insurance- an informative article on ehow.com 
How Much Will Life Insurance Cost Me?- CNNMoney.com

Pre-arranging a funeral is as easy as calling your local funeral home.  They are experts in this area and should be able to answer your questions and offer guidance.  Like anything in life shop around, educate yourself and make wise decisions.  Your family deserves it! 
photo via: treehugger.com via Google images

Kick Defeat in the Face and Reach for the Stars!

Throughout life you are faced with many challenges.  These trails come in the form of job losses, divorce, death, discrimination, difficult people and just plain bad luck.  As obstacles and challenges present themselves choices have to be made.  Most people clearly see the injustices perpetrated by others when bad times come.  It is easy to see how co-workers treated you unfairly.  It is easy to blame your spouse because they are the ones who cheated.  It is easy to blame, but blaming gives away power.  Blaming allows others to have control of your life.  Try this perspective?

Each obstacle you face is an opportunity to excel. That's right.  When you are hardest hit do the right thing and develop the confidence you need to achieve your dreams.  How many times have you compromised when faced with mountains?  How many times did you throw in the towel because the task seemed impossible?  I am here to tell you that these times separate the boys from the men.  The girls from the women and the winners from the losers.  When you are hit dig deep and pull out that greatness inside of you to do the right thing.  This is how you reach for the stars!

Each time you blame others when things get tough, you lose a little bit of yourself.  Blaming another person for your problems allows you to be a helpless victim.  The problem is no one is coming to save you!  I mean the you on the inside, your soul. 

When you stop blaming others you can reach for the stars!  In this life we face some incredible challenges.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream of integration when it was legal to call him a nigger at work.  He could have given up on his dream and lived until he was 90.  This compromise would have killed his soul and made him a miserable person.  He would have lost self-respect and lived a life of shame.  Instead he reached for the stars and lived a shorter life with greatness.

You have this same greatness inside of you!  You may not be able to compare yourself to Dr. King, but I can!  God created you both for great things.  Your dreams may not get national headlines, but they can make a difference.  They can change your life and Empower you. 

Do not compromise your soul.  Do the right thing and reach for the stars!
photos via: thepositivelife.com, life-evolution.com via Google images

"Working on Monday"- Renew Your Energy with a Day Off!

Working requires a lot of energy.  Not just physical energy, but mental and spiritual.  It is important to rest and renew your strength.  I encourage you to take a day or two just for you! 

1. Watch a movie
2. Sleep
3. Meditate
4. Take a long bath
5. Soak your feet
6. Do absolutely NOTHING!
7. Take a drive
8. Check into a hotel with just yourself and pray
9. Listen to your favorite music
10. Clean the house
11. Dance!
12. Take a long walk
13. Eat your favorite comfort foods
14. Watch your favorite sitcom re-runs
15. Watch your favorite comedian

This is a short list of many things you can do to unwind.  The point is to take a moment to just breath!  The best activities are those that cleanse your mind and fill your spirit.  Being occupied with more busy work is certainly a day off, but real time off is renewing. 

If you are unable to take time-off do not become upset.  This will only add to your stress.  Find creative ways to take small amounts of time and regroup.  There is more than one way to accomplish a goal.  Keep the faith and know you have not lost, each time you take control you gain!

I am leaving you with some wonderful resources from the Mayo Clinic.  One of them is a stress test, pay attention to what it says and take action! 

Stress Assessment
Resiliency: Who goes the distance
How to be happy: Tips for cultivating contentment

Until next Monday!
photos via: transformleaders.tv via Google images

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 3

No one wants to be bullied!  The person that finds themselves in the unfortunate position of being bullied did not put an ad in the paper.  It is a choice made by another person that seeks to control the people in their environment.

The person being bullied usually stays in this destructive dynamic because they are afraid.  They feel threatened and bargain with themselves to endure abusive treatment.  They may try being nice to the bully, falsely appealing to clouded internal wisdom.  Another flawed attempt to deal with callus bullies is ignoring the behavior.  "Maybe if I ignore this, it will go away."  Unfortunately this is probably not going to help.  The only thing that will stop bullying is severing the ties of the relationship.

It can be difficult to do this because the bullying is usually in a necessary location.  At a school, a workplace or place of worship where both parties meet on a regular basis.  Normally it is the person being bullied that leaves.  They hope the escape poor treatment and start over.  This can happen, but usually they find themselves in another hurtful situation.

The brokenness of the soul travels with the victim.  Until this is repaired remnants of the past will continue to surface in the victim's relationships.  A transformation of the soul has to happen.  This transformation begins with a decision to be free.

As with all things in life this freeing transformation is a process.  It does not happen overnight and there are challenges along the way.  Some of these challenges come in the form of more bullies.  This is not a reason to give up.  It can be a reason to rejoice.  Each obstacle that presents itself is an opportunity to be a better you!  Facing challenges reveals weakness and areas that need attention.  The journey to freedom is not a trip that has to be taken alone.  Yes the internal work and behavior changes belong to the victim, but support is helpful.

1. Join a support group.  Support groups help people that have been bullied identify their feelings.  It a constructive way to work through pain.  Leaving pain buried inside will eventually come out.  
2. Keep a journal.  Write out how you feel.  This is a great way to reconnect with your feelings and become whole.
3. Carefully choose who gets to know your story.   This does not mean you hide your experiences and keep them secret.  It means you share them wisely to prevent being re-victimized. 
4. Read helpful books.  Reading is educational and feeds your mind with new thoughts and ideas.  Something has to counter the negative thoughts and reformulate an new way of living and being.
5. Take a break.  It can be emotionally draining to continually work on yourself. Take breaks to refresh yourself and avoid becoming overwhelmed.  Change takes time, be patient with yourself.

The parts of my story I shared in part 2 were difficult to write.  It took me back to a time in my life when I was not as strong or resourceful.  My journey has put me relationship with many difficult people.  I have not handled all of these situations with grace.  But I survived and each encounter helped me to redeem myself and move forward. 

Sometimes it seemed that I was moving backwards and failing miserably.  Sometimes it seemed that the tears would never stop flowing, and sometimes I still cry.  The wonderful thing is this is my life and I can make it whatever I choose.  I do not have to let another person have control in my life.  I decide what happens and how to make the best of not so good circumstances.  I have come to realize there is no such thing a perfect life.  There will always be situations that challenge me, but the challenge is the only way to become better.

The minute you stop growing and trying to get better is the moment you die.  Nobody has all of the answers.  But they can be examples of what it looks like on the other side of the mountain.  Your bully is the key to unlocking the best you possible! 
photo via Google images.

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 2

Bulling is a degrading experience.  It steals your joy and power from your presence.  It is a wicked exchange that takes place between a bully and a victim.  A bully strips their prey of dignity and weaves it into their being.  They wear it as an invisible badge of authority and use it as a license to continually oppress their victim.  Victims in return become an emotional and physical trash dump.  They become a release for the psychological and emotional pain of their abuser.  The more the bully dumps on the victim, the more the bully hates the victim.  After all, who likes trash?

As a victim of bullying you begin to really feel worthless.  People turn up their noses at you.  They laugh at you when they pass you.  People are constantly talking behind your back and spreading false rumors.  Bullying can become physical as well.  Victims can be pushed, pulled, spit at and beat up.  Victims become the butt of every joke and called dehumanizing names.  Can you imagine spending your work day like this?  Can you imagine going to school and knowing you will be humiliated for 7 straight hours?  What about the battered spouse?  Can  you imagine living with a person or people that treat you like an insignificant slave without feelings?  This is the existence of millions of people around the world.

A Piece of My Story

My bullying experience began at a young age.  I was teased for many different reasons.  Of course this gave me many reasons to doubt myself and my significance as a person of influence.  My black so-called friends teased me for not being black enough.  My speech was too proper and my name brand clothing was not always correct.  My hair was too short and my butt was too flat.  It is extremely difficult to defend yourself when you believe what people are saying.  It is hard to believe you are okay, when you are told on a daily basis you are inferior!

This constant attack on my appearance made me believe I was ugly.  I dated guys that were losers because I was completely confused about my value.  The guys I really wanted I never pursued because I thought they would never want someone as terrible as me.  Bullying is such a deceitful lie.  It robs you of a good life because you think you do not deserve one.  

I was a person split in the middle.  I had completely separated myself from my emotions.  It was as if I lived an outer body experience.  A great deal of my pain came from being raped.  Rape is the sickest act a bully can perpetrate.  This was an event that I blacked out for many years because it was too traumatic to face.  A person I trusted violated me and shattered my soul in one act.  This lead to drinking at the young age of 12.  Needless to say my drinking and shattered soul made me a prime target for bullies.  I needed someone to care, but all I found was more evidence of my uselessness.

These awful acts happening at such an early age never gave me a chance to form boundaries. I allowed people to continually violate me because I never thought I had a choice.  Eventually you stop fighting when you think you are in a losing battle.
 

One of the best ways to take back your power is by setting boundaries.  Boundaries are not walls, they are safety markers to keep you safe.  You have a right to protect yourself when someone comes into your space uninvited.

If you have been bullied forgive yourself.  If you have been doing things or have done things you are not proud of it was only for protection.  We are going to discuss healthy ways of coping as we continue in this series. 

A Tough Reality

The victim and the bully share a dark, sick relationship.  They both share intimate secrets neither wants anyone to know.  The person being bullied is humiliated and hides the secrets of their experience.  The person doing the bullying is ashamed and does not want anyone to know their true, ugly identity.  It is a strange and morbid connection that is difficult to break.  Years after the bullying has stopped the mental chains of worthlessness interfere with a victims well-being.  Bullies move on and find other people to trash.  The cycle continues for both the bully and victim until they decide to take control of their lives.  

Anti-Bullying Programs

The Trevor Project- a hot line and organization for lesbian and gay youth and people.

Bully Online.org- workplace bully resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
photos via: hubpages.com, myhomeschool.blogspot.com, accura-marketing.com via Google images. 

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 1

Bullying is an action that can have lifetime repercussions.  Adults that were bullied sometimes struggle in their relationships because of ingrained messages of inferiority.  Children and teens that are currently experiencing the woes of bullying are going to school dreading harassment and ridicule.  It is even worse when the bullying is occurring in your own home.  Over the next couple of days Empowered Peace is doing an in depth series on bullying.

I will share my own personal story  and discuss causes, solutions and coping skills.  Get ready!

In the mean time.  If you are feeling the effects of bullying past or present know that you are not alone.  We are going to walk through this together and breath the freshness of Empowered air!

Resource 

Love is Louder- is a movement started by Brittnay Snow.  A lot of celebrities are participating in this cause and bringing awareness to the cruelty of bullying.

Everybody Wants You!- The Competition for Your Attention, Time and Money

Did you know how desirable you are?  Everyday, all day millions of people are literally having sleepless nights wondering why you do not care.  They have meetings about you and actually research how to be apart of your life.  Yes they even change their minds and reformat who they are just to make you happy!  These are famous people who want you.  I am not talking about your neighbor or your spouse. I am talking about people like Donald Trump, Ron Howard, Oprah Winfrey, The Kardashian's, The National Football League and powerful people in government.


Each of these people compete feverishly for a moment of your time.  They hope to make you a loyal fan or follower.  The more you love them, the richer they become.  I am sure many of these people trying to get your time care about you.  I would not categorize them as being evil.  They are invested in you to make a living and sell, for the most part, quality products.

So my next question is, Who has your attention?  Here is a short list of who has been wanting you this month alone.  It is February and a lot is happening.  The American Heart Association wants you to wear red for American Heart month, Hallmark, Ivanka Trump and anyone with a product wants you to buy gifts for Valentine's day and it is Black History Month!  It is a good thing February only has 28 days!

I think that Participating in charitable activities surrounding these important causes is great.  But understand people thought about how to get you where you are planning to go. If they are smart they thought about how to keep your attention.  I must admit, I want your time as much as anybody else.  I want to Empower you and enable you to live a life of Peace!  My cause is just as noble as the next.  How do you decide what to invest your valuable time, money and energy into?

What do you consider quality?  How do you measure a successful event?  What determines money well spent?  Everybody wants you, but what do you want?  Here are some things to consider.

1. Know thyself.  It is important to know what gives you real satisfaction and why.  Creating a personal mission statement can help you with this.  If the things you are buying do not constructively add to this vision, consider if it is worth your time, energy ultimately your money.
2. Why do you like the products you are buying.  Is it the commercial?  I like commercials, if you have a product you have to find a way to bring attention to them.  They are funny, entertaining and many times sweet.  However a good commercial in and of itself is not a reason to buy.  It may be a reason to question, research or even experiment.  Pledge your allegiance to a product because it really works for you.  You could be missing out on something great for completely shallow reasons.
3. Look into events and causes.  Many events are planned for Black History Month.  Many people sincerely want to recognize and celebrate the accomplishments of African-Americans.  The American Heart Association is raising money this month and promoting many fund raisers. It is wise to look into organizations wanting your money.  Make sure they are really connected to reputable causes.  Ask them what they are doing with the donations.  It feels good to give, but you also want to be smart.  Look into your religious organizations and other clubs as well.  Make sure they are using your contributions in a responsible way.  You are not wrong to ask, they are wrong to deny.  
4. Share your opinion.  What you think matters.  Everybody wants you!  Let people know when they are doing good.  Let people know when they are doing bad.  I would be careful in restaurants, yikes!  Good customer service should be acknowledged.  How many times have you waited to tell someone about a terrible experience?  Show the same type of urgency with great care.  Whenever service catches your attention let it be know.  Write letters and/or make phone calls.  I think it is fair to tell people how they are doing, especially since they work so hard to get you. 
5. Remember Nancy Regan, just say no! If something is not good just don't buy it anymore.  Brand loyalty should not be based on longevity but real satisfaction.     

Understand your value and make Empowered choices!
photos via: fanpop.com, josh-wyxl.itmblog.com and brentozar.com via Google images 

Now that the Baby is Gone- Reflections on My Daughter's Baby Project

My daughter's baby simulation project is over (this link will take you to the original post).  She turned her 'son' in yesterday and I could not be happier.  Now that I have had a chance to reflect on my reactions, I have discovered some new things about myself.  My initial outrage was probably fear.  I can not even play with the idea of my daughter having a baby at 17.

I did not help my daughter with anything.  I wanted to reinforce my strong stance, I do not approve of getting pregnant as a young teenager with out means or a husband.  She woke up at various times during the night to feed and change this baby.  She had to sacrifice watching her favorite television shows to nap while the baby was sleep.  She also struggled to get her homework done because she was busy with the baby.  I am still certain this project promotes single parenthood.  I think the ideal of joint responsibility should be taught and discussed.  Young men and women need to learn to depend on each other to raise their children.  It isn't just the girl's baby and the boy's part-time accessory. 

I have to tell you the second day my daughter had her baby, I wanted to help.  It took everything in me to hold back.  I hated to see her struggle and be sad.  Her fantasy was crushed and she realized having a baby was really tough.  I wanted to tell her how to hold the baby.  I wanted to show her how to swaddle and rock the baby to sleep.  I wanted to fulfill my role as her mother and this 'baby's' grandmother.  It was unnatural not to help my daughter with her difficulties.  I hated being distant and allowing her to experience such a great responsibility alone.

I discovered that if this was real, I would be there for my daughter.  I realized how drastically both of our lives would change.  I got a preview of the love I will have for my grandchildren.  I saw what a great mother my daughter will be to her children!  I had the torture of seeing my daughter lose her teenage years, if this were real.  I felt the pain of life's lessons. 

Timing is everything.  I pray that the values I have instilled in my daughter will guide her in her choices.  I pray that she will align her life with biblical principles and have a perfect life.  As much as I want these things for my daughter, I know she will make mistakes.  I just hope the mistakes she makes will not alter her life and steal her dreams. 

Parents talk to your children about sex.  Share with them the consequences of such a choice.  Not just getting pregnant, but sexually transmitted diseases.  Really let them know how precious they are and the importance of saving themselves for their spouse.  It sounds old fashioned but sex can be pure and sacred in the unity of marriage.  

Empowered Peace is learning to wait for treasured moments, and teaching your children the value of waiting for adult experiences. 
photo via: gchosp.org