Meeting Life's Challenges is the Road to Success

What is a queen without a kingdom?  What is a warrior without a battle?  What is a husband without a wife?  What is a mother without a child?  What is a writer without a story?  What is a musician without an instrument?  What is a lover without a partner?  What is a solution without a problem?

All of these images embody the emptiness one experiences when life's challenges are not overcome.  It seems that the pain comes from defeat, but it runs much deeper.  It is also the God given gifts inside of you yearning for an outlet.

The other side of the challenge is the kingdom, the battle, the wife, the child, the story, the instrument, the partner, the problem.  It is the playground for your gifts and talents to exercise, grow and be free. 

These challenges are most significant in the lives of people that have determined goals in life.  The ability to maintain excellence when a goal is met, is developed along the way, through challenges.  When I was a new hospital chaplain, I was constantly confronted with challenging situations.  I had to overcome many fears to be successful in my job.  I found myself growing and doing more than I ever dreamed.

Then came the big challenge!  I was filled with fear and distress.  I was unable to effectively rise to this challenge and my growth was redirected.  I no longer had a hospital for my chaplaincy gifts and talents.  I had to self-reflect and decide if my dream was worth overcoming my fear. 

Meeting this challenge is something I approach with nervousness, but I realize it is the only way to reach my ultimate goal.  And the only way to pull out more of the substance God gave me to function in my purpose. 

The Message

The message I want you get...treat life's challenges as an oven.  After you put all the ingredients of your dreams and goals together...let the challenges of life bake the perfect cake!

The challenge is not comfortable, but without it you will not have the necessary tool to finish your dream.  Realize it is an opportunity to become the best, Empowered you possible!

photo via jerecro721.wordpress.com via Google images

Let Your Dreams Create Your Budget- Money Does Not Determine Your Destiny!

It does not take a bank full of money to live an Empowered life.  It takes a spirit that yearns to express its passion and the courage to embody the fullness of your existence.  Finding something that propels you to overcome financial obstacles is a great indication you found your passion. 

I heard the inspirational story of Dani Johnson yesterday.  She was a homeless teen that started a business out of the trunk of her car.  She demonstrated that her dream was bigger than her bank account.  Tyler Perry is another person that overcame homelessness and allowed his dream to direct his course.  He invested his life savings only to lose it.  This unfortunate tragedy still did not deter his yearning to produce plays.  These examples illustrate how the ignited momentum of a dream can overcome the limitations of an empty bank account.

How many of you have stopped dreaming because you allowed cash flow to dictate your destiny?  It is not cash that makes your dream, it is your dream that makes the cash!  When a person has a made up mind to win, no obstacle seems too impossible. 

Each person with breath in their lungs has something special to share.  Including you!  The constraints of limited funds can make you believe your dream is done, but the reality is, a limited budget can fuel your movement towards success.  Bad credit does not have to deter you either!  If you have a solid plan, many people will be willing to invest in your future.

It is important to change your perspective and use situations like limited or no funds work for you!  Here are some things to think about.

1. Focus on where you want to be, not on where you are at.  If your attention is on the glory of your dreams, you are more likely to make decisions today, to get you there tomorrow.  
2. Write a plan!  Putting your hopes and dreams in writing seals them in reality.  You will have a tendency to realign your life towards your goals.  You will become creative and think of innovative ways to make your dreams happen.
3. Get serious!  The things you nurture in life become the biggest things in your life.  For example, if you nurture your bad luck, by thinking and talking about it all the time, you are more likely to have bad luck.  Begin to think about, see and act upon opportunities.  They are all around you!  Yes, even you!
4. How much will it cost?  Begin to write down how much it will cost you to achieve your dream.  What are the things you need to reach your goal?  When you have an active knowledge of where you are going and what it will cost, miraculous things happen.  You begin to make better decisions and find resourceful ways to make money.  Suddenly waiting tables is not humiliating when there is a clear determined end.
5. Be patient!  As you begin to work towards your dream, be patient.  Getting a clear idea, plan and way to finance your endeavor can take time.  If you have to get there before the end of the day you will give up before the real work begins.  Every person that has made it from nothing, made it on patience.
6. Use your imagination wisely.  Set aside some time to visualize your dream.  Every person that has made it to a great goal, spent a lot of time day dreaming!  They pictured how the future would be when their dream was fulfilled.  They thought about the people they would meet and the words they would say.  The saw the clothes they would wear and they solved problems in their fantasies.  God gave us an imagination, use it for good.

I believe dreams can come true and I believe your dreams are only as real as you make them.  Re-kindle your fading expectations and watch your bank account follow!  

Low Self-Esteem, Kiss My @$$!

I listen to my readers.  This article was written because a reader requested the topic:
What is self-esteem?  This is how Webster defines it: 1. a confidence and satisfaction in oneself: self-respect. 

Let's take a look at what this definition is trying to convey.  A certainty in one's being, a faith and enjoyment in yourself or maybe a more tangible way to understand this concept is a form of measurement.  Self-esteem is the term used to communicate to others how you feel about yourself or how others describe your value of self.  In other words if someone says to you "Dominic has a lot of self-esteem" you now have a piece of information about Dominic.  How do you think of people described with low or high self-esteem?

Here is the problem with self-esteem, it does not have the credence many people invest in its worth.  Self-esteem is not the determining factor that guarantees a successful life.  The strongest correlation they discovered between self-esteem and quality of life, was happiness (Baumeister, Campbell, Krueger and Vohs 2003).  This is not to say self-esteem is not important, it is very important.  Happiness is important as well, but self-esteem and happiness are end results.  Chicken, asparagus and rice make an excellent dinner, but they must be prepared.  The chicken has to be seasoned and baked, the asparagus steamed and the rice cooked for supper to be satisfying.  Now let's go back to Self-esteem!  There are many ingredients that lead to good self-esteem, without them the end result lacks its full flavor. 

What does this mean for you?  It means that examining more factors than self-esteem provides you with a realistic idea of how to improve your quality of life.  Self-esteem is a quantitative measure and many times you compare yourself to others and determine you are somehow insufficient.  The deceptive answer to your comparison is normally based on your over assessment of someone else's happiness.  You think about how your mother raised three kids and maintained a clean house, when comparing your children and home to hers they always fall short.  You think about your best friend and how wonderful her husband treats her, then you compare your husband to him, and he falls short.  What about glamorous Hollywood stars, or the dad's that seem to be better fathers because they provide more entertainment and clothes.  These constant comparisons are a set up for failure.

To understand your self value and begin to make changes for a better quality of life, get to know yourself.  You do this by spending time with yourself and determining what you want to change, improve, keep and completely remove from your life.  A Christ-centered assessment used by some Christian counselors looks at these areas of life: behavior, emotions, cognition (what do you think about), health, religion, idols and false beliefs (the things you place above God), substances (prescribed and illicit drugs), teachable (how willing are you to change), law and ethics (are you in danger of self or others), interpersonal relationships, knowledge (do you have the correct information to change) and environment (Clinton and Ohlschlager 2002).  This list can be overwhelming, but taking one area at a time will allow you to know you.  Spend a week to two on each area and journal your findings.  If you find you need more time take it. 

This sounds like a lot of time and work, but you do have a choice.  You can float through life lost and confused or go through life with purpose and intention.  Learning who you are and then doing what you were created for is self-esteem to the third power!

One last thought I'd like to leave you with, you are okay.  All of us are on a journey and none of us is perfect!  As a matter of fact, none of us will ever reach perfection.  Accepting yourself for who you are and where you are is the beginning of Empowered Peace! 

References

Baumeister, R., Campbell, J., Krueger, J., & Vohs, K. (2003). Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles?. Psychological Science in the Public Interest (Wiley-Blackwell), 4(1), 1-44. doi:10.1111/1529-1006.01431.

Clinton, Timothy and George Ohlschlager. (2002). Competent Christian Counseling, Volume One, Foundations and Practice of Compassionate Soul Care; Colorado Springs, Colorado: WaterBrook Press. 

Resources

The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance (insightful article)

Never Good Enough (insightful article)

Divine Caroline (excellent website with valuable self-help information)

Daily Affirmations: Science of Mind

Daily Affirmations (various categories of affirmations i.e. career, weight loss, etc.)

SelfGrowth.com

Self-Esteem (an article at Livestrong.com with excellent resources)

Additional Resources:



Using Your Suffering to Live a Life of Purpose, Part 2

via google images

Part 1 of this series discussed the condition of a suffering soul and a conduit to transform the pain, volunteer work.  Giving your time to others in  a position similar to your own can be a healing balm to your heart.  Volunteer work is also a restorative tool for people suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). 

!!!Caution!!!

Volunteering too soon after a difficult situation can be overwhelming.  Discuss your situation with the Volunteer coordinator of your chosen program or a healthcare professional before you start. 

How Volunteering Heals Your Suffering

A compromised soul is imprisoned.  If you are in this state, you will not be able to function at your full capacity because shame covers you like a transparent blanket.  This blanket of limitations prevents you from interacting with people in an honest and healthy manner because you fear they can see the dirty secrets of your past.  You are burdened with a false belief that others will be repulsed by you if they knew what happened to you.  These lies seen through shame lock up your purpose and volunteering can be a key to freedom.

volunteering connects you with mentors.  Reputable organizations with good leadership will have dedicated people that have an understanding and compassion for your/their cause.  This inspirational influence adds a dimension of hope to motivate a helpless soul.  It also unites people and erases loneliness and fear.

Volunteering gives a senseless act meaning and fills your being with purpose.  Your message to the people who hurt you says you refuse to be a victim of your circumstances.  You begin to touch people connected to your cause and they are Empowered by your example, this brings Peace to your lives and makes the world a better place.  The blanket of shame that once contained you is slowly lifted and your life is lived for a purpose bigger than you.  You are no longer contained in your small world but released from bondage because you become determined to make a difference. 

Suffering a traumatic event(s) can leave a person feeling victimized. This victimized mentality is another barrier between meaninglessness and purpose. Becoming a volunteer energizes people and allows them to feel valued.  When a person feels they are needed the shy unneeded persona of a victim is removed. This allows for a person to speak and take risks for another person's well-being. These acts transfer back to the broken soul of the individual and slowly mends the wounds of the soul. A victimized person can unknowingly be self-centered and see the actions of others as ways to hurt them. Helping others redirects these thoughts and working for a greater cause takes the focus off of self.

photo via

Volunteering not only allows for you to provide acts of kindness that are satisfying to your soul.  Volunteering is also a place for your mind to find rest.  Your mind is taken off of your pain and mundane daily routines.  You begin to think about how you can serve others.  These are noble, true and virtuous thoughts that give the mind Peace.  God created humanity to serve each other with the gifts and talents He carefully choose for each of His creations.  You may not know how to sing, act, dance or even cook but each person has the ability to help another person through volunteering their time and giving their love.  Use your suffering to live a life of purpose.

References

Reclaiming Children and Youth: The Journal of Strength-based Interventions, v14 n1 p16 Spr 2005

The book of Philippians (NKJ)

Tunnicliffe, H. (2009). Volunteering - better than daytime TV any day!. TCE: The Chemical Engineer, (819), 32. Retrieved from Academic Search Complete database.

Resources

Helpguide.org (A great website filled with information about various mental and physical well-being articles)

Crisis Prevention Institute (An organization focused on crisis help and prevention)

Peace Corps (Volunteering in developing countries)

World Volunteer Web

Using Your Suffering to Live a Life of Purpose, Part 1

via emanclimax

Finding your purpose in life is an exhilarating feeling.  It gives you an unspeakable joy and an inner satisfaction because the reason God created you is able to find a functional outlet.  This joy comes not only from using your God given gifts and talents, but from the people around you who are directly affected by your work.  These people are changed in a positive way because you are being true to your inner self.  Some of you are living your dream and honoring the creative being God carefully placed inside of you.  However, the majority of people struggle with not knowing their purpose in life and aimlessly wander in life feeling devalued and useless.  The wandering people I'm speaking of are in your churches, homes, work places, grocery stores and doctor's offices.  They are your neighbors and school teachers, strangers you pass on the streets and possibly even you.  The circumstances of life can destroy your soul and the dreams you once had become only  vague memories.

 

via Warner Bros.

This heart breaking scene from The Color Purple is difficult to watch.  Celie and Nettie were sisters torn apart by an abusive husband.  Some of your stories are not this tragic, but others of you have experienced far worse.  The good news is there is hope the mend your shattered heart.  The brokenness of one's soul can be restored through acts of morality.  "This involves survivors restoring themselves by responding to others’ suffering, dedicating themselves to causes and improving the world; giving life meaning and leaving it a better place (Farley 2007)."  In other words, you can volunteer or start your own non-profit organization to help others suffering from the pain you once experienced.  Remember spiritual care is about finding and nurturing your meaning and purpose in life. 

photo via

Becoming a part of a reputable organization or building your own community of helpers is a conduit for transforming your pain.  It gives you the ability to restore peace and joy in your life and help others in need.  Part one of this series was an introduction to the condition of broken souls.  Part two of this series will discuss the healing.  Until then let me leave you with a happy ending. Celie and Nettie are reunited after lives of abuse, rejection and heartache.

References

Farley, Y. (2007). Making the Connection: Spirituality, Trauma and Resiliency. Journal of Religion & Spirituality in Social Work, 26(1), 1-15. doi:10.1300/J377v26n0101.

The Book of Philippians (NKJ)

Resources

International Volunteer Programs Association (IVPA)

RAINN/ Rape, Abuse and Insect National Network

Ted Haggard is Living His Dream, Are You?

Ted Haggard is starting a new church.  He is the former pastor of mega church, New Life Church and the former chief of the National Association of Evangelicals.  Haggard confessed to participating in sexual activities with a male prostitute and to ingesting illegal drugs.  His separation from these organizations in 2006, was devastating to many conservative evangelicals.

Ted Haggard has made a controversial decision to start another church.  Millions of people across the nation are discussing their feelings and opinions about this event.  Most of these discussions are addressing the absolute questions of right or wrong, truth or lie, sinner or forgiven, yes or no.  Despite your personal views or religious affiliation there is a man tending to his own spirituality.  Haggard has made a decision to participate in his purpose.  His experience is filled with many different forces.  He has to contend with opposing forces, supportive forces and lingering indifference to live out the dream in his heart.

Many of you are struggling with decisions that will change your life and the life of others around you.  You are trying to make the best choices from your own limited perspective.  Normally the most pressing question is how much pain will I cause myself and/or my loved ones to feel.  The answer to this question is simple, you are going to feel pain no matter what you decide.  Life's circumstances are beyond our control because God made eternal decisions a long time ago.  Thus having God's perspective is best when you are confronted with major decisions.

Connecting with your purpose in life will give you the courage to live your dreams.  Your life may not be as public as Ted Haggard's yet the same controversy can exist.  My point is this, life is happening in spite of your choices.  Making a decision to participate in your purpose gives you the ability to be whole.  Living life according to God's purpose for your creation is fulfilling. It gives you a different perspective in the painful seasons of your life.