Repost: Teenage Bullying Needs to Stop! The Problem and Real Solutions!

The subject of suicide is usually discussed after a tragic event.  The schools gather students, parents and counselor's together in an attempt to prevent lawsuits, follow protocol and to keep the loud opinionated parents quiet.  This sounds cynical, but where were these sessions of love when the victim needed help?  The schools and parents will say they were doing the best they could.  "We have a tight budget and can only provide limited services."  "We had to work and we did not know things were this bad."  "I knew he was upset, but I thought he would be okay."

As a parent, I have to admit, suicide is a subject that has rarely been covered.  I am a part of the majority and we think our children are perfect little angels.  We think our children never swear, use drugs, drink or have sex behind our backs.  It is this kind of thinking that puts our children in danger.  It is this kind of thinking that approves school budgets without proper support for our children.  It is this kind of thinking that makes it impossible to have honest conversations with ourselves, spouses, children, teachers and others.  We walk around with blinders on as our children are crumbling right in front of our eyes.

Center for Disease Control, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (2009)

13.8% of high school students have seriously considered attempting suicide
26.1% of high school students felt sad or hopeless.
10.9% of high school students made a plan of how they were going to attempt suicide
6.3% of high school students actually attempted suicide 

These statistics tell me parents and schools should be more proactive.  Teenagers that do drugs and struggle with depression seem to be the likely suspects.  However the research shows more and more lesbian and gay teenagers are turning to suicide. 

What is the Problem?

Grades have become a greater concern than the emotional well-being or character building of our children.  Parents compete and brag about the accomplishments of their children.  Some parents are even compelled to lie and find it embarrassing when they perceive their children as inadequate.  Schools are trying to maintain numbers and are focused on maintaining educational standards.  But what about the children all this is being done for?  Is the business of trying to elevate them alienating them?  The spiritual and psycho-social development of our youth is being neglected.

If you do not see these videos, they must be viewed on the Empowered Peace Website

A video written and performed by this talented teen via YouTube

Solutions

1. Family.  Families are broken.  Single parents, teen parents, grand parents raising their grandchildren do not have SUPPORT!  The foundation of a family is two parents working together.  Most families rely on two incomes, but if you have children try to sacrifice.  One parent stay at home and create a home.  If you are single you can still designate a family day.  Eat dinner together without the television.  It may seem awkward at first but your children will feel more loved.  They will feel they are apart of something that matters.  
2. Talk to schools and government.  Let them know about your concerns and ask them what they are doing about the problem.  Write letters to your senators and mayors about teen suicide.  Create programs in school.  For example, instead of having homeroom, have Homeroom.  A class period that students have a safe place to discuss their problems on a daily basis.  
3. Parents work out your emotional disconnections.  You can have family time, but without a real space for emotional growth, it will not work.  Parents look at yourselves and deal with your past hurts, insecurities and fears.  As you heal, you can better handle the needs of your children.
4. God.  Invite God into your family.  There are some things man can not fix. 

Signs a Teenager could be Suicidal

• They talk about suicide.  Even if it seems to be a joke.
• They are having problems in school with bullies.
• A change in personality. 
• They are using drugs and/or alcohol.
• They give away their important belongings. 
• They write or journal about death. 
• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. 

National Suicide Prevention Help Line
1-800-suicide
1-800-784-2433

Resources for Suicide Prevention and Information

suicide.org

MedicineNet.org: Teens, Parents Underestimate Teen Suicide Risk

KidsHealth- from the health experts of Nemours

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Teen Suicide 

American Academy of Pediatrics: Preventing Teen Suicide

photos via: health.ninemsn.com.au, the-parents-magazine.com, us.reachout.com, troubledteenhome.net via Google images

Now that the Baby is Gone- Reflections on My Daughter's Baby Project

My daughter's baby simulation project is over (this link will take you to the original post).  She turned her 'son' in yesterday and I could not be happier.  Now that I have had a chance to reflect on my reactions, I have discovered some new things about myself.  My initial outrage was probably fear.  I can not even play with the idea of my daughter having a baby at 17.

I did not help my daughter with anything.  I wanted to reinforce my strong stance, I do not approve of getting pregnant as a young teenager with out means or a husband.  She woke up at various times during the night to feed and change this baby.  She had to sacrifice watching her favorite television shows to nap while the baby was sleep.  She also struggled to get her homework done because she was busy with the baby.  I am still certain this project promotes single parenthood.  I think the ideal of joint responsibility should be taught and discussed.  Young men and women need to learn to depend on each other to raise their children.  It isn't just the girl's baby and the boy's part-time accessory. 

I have to tell you the second day my daughter had her baby, I wanted to help.  It took everything in me to hold back.  I hated to see her struggle and be sad.  Her fantasy was crushed and she realized having a baby was really tough.  I wanted to tell her how to hold the baby.  I wanted to show her how to swaddle and rock the baby to sleep.  I wanted to fulfill my role as her mother and this 'baby's' grandmother.  It was unnatural not to help my daughter with her difficulties.  I hated being distant and allowing her to experience such a great responsibility alone.

I discovered that if this was real, I would be there for my daughter.  I realized how drastically both of our lives would change.  I got a preview of the love I will have for my grandchildren.  I saw what a great mother my daughter will be to her children!  I had the torture of seeing my daughter lose her teenage years, if this were real.  I felt the pain of life's lessons. 

Timing is everything.  I pray that the values I have instilled in my daughter will guide her in her choices.  I pray that she will align her life with biblical principles and have a perfect life.  As much as I want these things for my daughter, I know she will make mistakes.  I just hope the mistakes she makes will not alter her life and steal her dreams. 

Parents talk to your children about sex.  Share with them the consequences of such a choice.  Not just getting pregnant, but sexually transmitted diseases.  Really let them know how precious they are and the importance of saving themselves for their spouse.  It sounds old fashioned but sex can be pure and sacred in the unity of marriage.  

Empowered Peace is learning to wait for treasured moments, and teaching your children the value of waiting for adult experiences. 
photo via: gchosp.org

The Corruption of Our Youth- The Destructive Influences that are Impacting Their Lives

Today was one of the most uncomfortable, awkward and disagreeable afternoons of my life.  My daughter came home with a baby and I am not happy!  She proudly sat her 'son' down and removed the blanket from his head.  Then she removed him from the baby carrier and rocked him in her arms.  By this time I was cringing!  Then she had the nerve to ask me "will you watch him while I take the dog out?"
"What?"
"No Way!"
"I am not helping you do anything!"  "It is your baby, you figure it out!"
She reluctantly put the baby back in the carrier, leashed the dog and took them both out!

My daughter's baby is not real.  It is a simulation doll given to her by the school.  They are supposed to get a real life experience of parenthood.  This baby had to be named by my daughter, she has to change its diaper, feed it, dress it, console the baby when it cries and take it everywhere she goes.

I have never seen my daughter more excited about a school project.  She is a high school senior and this seems to be the highlight of her year.  One of the main concerns I have about this project is the promotion of single parenthood.  If this is a real life experiment I think the kids should be working with a partner.  They should make decisions together and share the responsibility.  My daughter's teacher rejected the idea of doing the project with a 'spouse.'  What kind of lessons are they teaching?

To make matters worse one of my daughter's favorite programs is, you guessed it, "Teen Mom."  This reality show follows the life of teenage moms and their struggles as teen moms.  One of the moms got pregnant a second time and they recorded her abortion!  Our youth are being corrupted!


What about The Disney Channel and Nickelodeon!   This programming is geared towards children between the ages of maybe 3 and 17.  The stars of the show are the kids and they are just disrespectful!  They lie to their parents, yell at them and basically treat them like fools.  The worst part is the parents laugh at their treatment, leave the room and the kids continue with their bad behavior.  It is hard to find the humor.  Then you have the sexual tension between 12 year olds!  They fall in love, kiss and get their feelings hurt.  The boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is the central theme of most of the lives of the networks characters.  The lessons being taught here are corrupting our youth.

Last but not least, the entertainers!  Sex sells, but too the kids!  The sexual curiosity is aroused in our children at an early age.  They see Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Lindsey Lohan, Miley Cyrus and Jessica Simpson.  They started off as young, innocent and wholesome, but everyone knew what was coming.  It is as if the world waited for these girls to turn 18 and become media 'playmates.' Sexy outfits, bumpin' and grindin' is the norm and their fans are 11 years old.  Not to mention the trauma these stars themselves suffer. 


I know responsible parents try to protect their children, but the things the kids learn at school.  I think we have come full circle now.  I began this article with school and here it ends at school.

Our kids need us to be good role models.  They need us to guide the way because they are being hit with corrupt messages from every side.  Please understand, I do not completely knock "Teen Mom" or the baby simulation experiment.  I am asking for balance.

Much of the subject matter covered in reality shows like "Teen Mom" are simply the truth about American youth.  But is the content in today's fictional media producing the troubled teens that appear on reality shows?  How can we begin to impact the people who produce content for our  children?  What is the proper standard?  How are we creating an Empowered future for our youth?  These are some serious questions that need to be addressed and we as parents and citizens of the world have the power to make a difference!
photos via: mindnumbedrobot.com, troubledteenshome.net, flowtv.org via Google images. 

Finding Balance as a Single Parent

Being a single parent is a very unique challenge.  The responsibility of creating a home where the emotional, financial, social, physical and spiritual needs of a family are fulfilled is difficult.  These needs have to be maintained on a daily basis for the well-being of your children and self.  Finding balance a as single mom or dad is an essential survival tool. 

"Put on your gas mask first!"  These are standard instructions given on every airline flight.  If you are unable to remain conscious, how can you help your neighbor?  The same rules apply in single parenting.  Living a balanced life allows a single parent to succeed in all areas of life without burning out.

I have been a single parent since my daughter was a baby.  When I was married my focus was on raising my daughter and keeping a good household.  My direction changed as a single person.  I began to think about my career more, I spent a lot of time and energy dating and I was constantly concerned with paying bills.  My daughter was no longer my only priority.  I set everything as a priority and eventually I was falling short on everything.  Especially in giving my daughter the attention she needed.

As I reflect the best time I had as a single parent was simply working and taking care of my daughter. I had a semester off of school and I decided to stop dating. I became a full-time mom.  I cooked, did homework with my daughter, kept the house clean, spent time with friends and even smiled.  I was not even stressed.  My life was balanced because it was not filled with competing projects.  I could enjoy the joys of life without feeling guilty for neglecting my daughter.  My daughter was happier as well.  As I eased into the next semester of school after taking one off, I felt refreshed.  It was not long that I began to feel the same pressures of being pulled in too many directions.  My life was out of balance.

Since that time I have continued to raise my daughter, go to school and work.  I continued with my decision to stop dating, but I was still spread too thin.  I have learned it would have been better to focus on the most important things in my life. I should have picked school or work, the two of them together was too much.  Recognizing and honoring my limitations would have allowed my family to experience more joy and overall well-being. 

I know there are a lot of single parents trying to live balanced lives.  Here are some suggestions.

1. Slow down.  You may have a lot of goals.  Trying to accomplish them all at once or within a short span of time is unhealthy.  Life passes you by and time with your children is lost.  Creating longer timeliness and having patience is a sure winner. 
2. To date or not to date, that is the question.  Dating in today's world is scary.  You hear of children being molested by the significant other of a parent.  You hear countless stories of domestic violence and stalking.  Finding a good partner is not easy.  Decide if you really want to put your energy into something that will be there when the children are adults.  If you do date, try to come up with a plan that takes minimal time away from your family.
3. Take time out for yourself.  Exercise, take a cooking class, join a bowling league whatever gives you the ability to get away and relieve stress.  Your soul needs time for itself.  You are still an individual.
4. Prioritize your life.  If you are run down and stressed out you may have to give something up.  It is easy to be greedy and go for everything that your heart desires.  Just like eating too much candy you get sick.  I have found that raising your children and pursuing one big goal is more than enough.  If you are a smart planner you may be able to kill two birds with one stone.
5. Children grow up.  You will have an empty nest soon enough.  Then you can do almost anything you want.  Just plan and save.  

Parenting is a sacrifice.  You give up some of the things that you want to care for your offspring.  Accept and embrace the fullness of single-parenthood.  The sooner you realize the reality of being a single parent, the sooner you can live the fullest balanced life available!  
photos via: blog.myfacefile.com, beingamomisgreat.wordpress.com, challengeprepcharter.info via Google images