Adult Bullying- It Happens, Exisits and it Hurts Like Hell!

I began to write about a different subject, but my heart is lingering in a different place.  I have found myself once again the victim of unwanted bullying and it hurts!

Yes, I am an Empowered woman, a strong woman and a woman that won't quit, yet I find myself weakened by the onslaught of whispers, looks, laughter and jeers. 

I find it difficult to get close to people that may or may not be aware of what is happening.  You see my bully quickly befriends them and fills their head with poisonous lies.  I find myself evaluating if getting close and then having them turn away from me suddenly is worth the trouble.

I know that I am not the only person who is suffering from the woes of adult bullying.  I hope that my words and admission give you courage and strength.  You are not alone and either am I! 

The Dilemma

I have considered speaking to people in authority, but the reality is I may be perceived as the trouble maker.  I may not be taken seriously or they my choose to sweep my concerns under the rug.  I am not willing to risk another negative outcome at this point.

Confronting my bully is a waste of time.  They know what they are doing and find pleasure in my pain.  I am not willing to risk more ridicule and lies at this point.

The truth is I feel helpless and I feel like I have no one and no where to turn.  I have been chonically bullied on and off over the years.  Frankly I am tired and just want to quit!  I do not want to be in this situation.  I do not want to be subjected to this shame for a year, but my current location is a part of my long term goal. 

I hate to let others ruin this for me, but I am spent!  The hateful evilness I have endured over the years has wore me down.

What is an Empowered Person to Do?

At this point I will continue on my journey.  It hurts like hell and I even shed tears.  The road ahead may be rocky and even inflict emotional and mental wounds that will take years to heal.  Be that as it may, I value the education I am getting and will endure the shit to reach my goal.

This isn't anything that me, God and Oprah can't handle (said with an honest smile). 

I will keep you updated along the way.  If you are experiencing bullying, you are not alone!  Pull yourself together, cry if you must but do not quit or give up on you!

photo via umbrella-d.com via Google images





Repost: Teenage Bullying Needs to Stop! The Problem and Real Solutions!

The subject of suicide is usually discussed after a tragic event.  The schools gather students, parents and counselor's together in an attempt to prevent lawsuits, follow protocol and to keep the loud opinionated parents quiet.  This sounds cynical, but where were these sessions of love when the victim needed help?  The schools and parents will say they were doing the best they could.  "We have a tight budget and can only provide limited services."  "We had to work and we did not know things were this bad."  "I knew he was upset, but I thought he would be okay."

As a parent, I have to admit, suicide is a subject that has rarely been covered.  I am a part of the majority and we think our children are perfect little angels.  We think our children never swear, use drugs, drink or have sex behind our backs.  It is this kind of thinking that puts our children in danger.  It is this kind of thinking that approves school budgets without proper support for our children.  It is this kind of thinking that makes it impossible to have honest conversations with ourselves, spouses, children, teachers and others.  We walk around with blinders on as our children are crumbling right in front of our eyes.

Center for Disease Control, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (2009)

13.8% of high school students have seriously considered attempting suicide
26.1% of high school students felt sad or hopeless.
10.9% of high school students made a plan of how they were going to attempt suicide
6.3% of high school students actually attempted suicide 

These statistics tell me parents and schools should be more proactive.  Teenagers that do drugs and struggle with depression seem to be the likely suspects.  However the research shows more and more lesbian and gay teenagers are turning to suicide. 

What is the Problem?

Grades have become a greater concern than the emotional well-being or character building of our children.  Parents compete and brag about the accomplishments of their children.  Some parents are even compelled to lie and find it embarrassing when they perceive their children as inadequate.  Schools are trying to maintain numbers and are focused on maintaining educational standards.  But what about the children all this is being done for?  Is the business of trying to elevate them alienating them?  The spiritual and psycho-social development of our youth is being neglected.

If you do not see these videos, they must be viewed on the Empowered Peace Website

A video written and performed by this talented teen via YouTube

Solutions

1. Family.  Families are broken.  Single parents, teen parents, grand parents raising their grandchildren do not have SUPPORT!  The foundation of a family is two parents working together.  Most families rely on two incomes, but if you have children try to sacrifice.  One parent stay at home and create a home.  If you are single you can still designate a family day.  Eat dinner together without the television.  It may seem awkward at first but your children will feel more loved.  They will feel they are apart of something that matters.  
2. Talk to schools and government.  Let them know about your concerns and ask them what they are doing about the problem.  Write letters to your senators and mayors about teen suicide.  Create programs in school.  For example, instead of having homeroom, have Homeroom.  A class period that students have a safe place to discuss their problems on a daily basis.  
3. Parents work out your emotional disconnections.  You can have family time, but without a real space for emotional growth, it will not work.  Parents look at yourselves and deal with your past hurts, insecurities and fears.  As you heal, you can better handle the needs of your children.
4. God.  Invite God into your family.  There are some things man can not fix. 

Signs a Teenager could be Suicidal

• They talk about suicide.  Even if it seems to be a joke.
• They are having problems in school with bullies.
• A change in personality. 
• They are using drugs and/or alcohol.
• They give away their important belongings. 
• They write or journal about death. 
• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. 

National Suicide Prevention Help Line
1-800-suicide
1-800-784-2433

Resources for Suicide Prevention and Information

suicide.org

MedicineNet.org: Teens, Parents Underestimate Teen Suicide Risk

KidsHealth- from the health experts of Nemours

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Teen Suicide 

American Academy of Pediatrics: Preventing Teen Suicide

photos via: health.ninemsn.com.au, the-parents-magazine.com, us.reachout.com, troubledteenhome.net via Google images

Your Opinion has Power When You Believe in You!

One of the most Empowering understandings a person can own is the value of their opinion.  This is important because when you know that your opinion matters, the negative opinions of others will not matter.  When the negative opinions of others do not matter to you, they can not damage you!

I had an Empowering moment that made me smile.  I was thinking about how terrible I was treated by a group of people.  This was not a lingering thought, it was a repetitive thought that was very upsetting to me.  I wondered why these people did not like me.  I wondered why they listened to lies and rumors.  I wondered why they treated me so cruelly.  I wondered why they spiritually and emotionally abused me.  I wondered why my tears and pain did not matter to them and even made them happy.  I wondered why they always questioned me.  I wondered why they hated me.  Then I thought Why do I care?  I wondered why am I wasting my energy and time trying prove my quality and loyalty to these people.  Why would I want to be where I am disrespected? 

I thought why do I need such horrible people to like me.  I thought why do I need such cowards to have my back.  why do I want such liars and followers that have never showed me any compassion to love me or even like me?  Why do I care? 

What really matters is how I think of them.  I do not respect them.  I do not like them.  I do not want these kind of people in my life.  I do not want to continue to sell my self short because I put value in their twisted lies.  My opinion matters!  My beliefs matter!  This is when I took my power back! 

You have to live by your own set of beliefs and truths and know that they matter.  When you live by the opinions of others you give them power over your life.  I was in a place where I actually needed the validation of others to feel whole.  The truth is I can leave when people do not want me.  The truth is I can leave when I do not want others.  Why would anyone want to be in a painful place full of torment?

My situation involves a stalker/abuser/bully that poisons situations in my life.  It took me a long time to realize this and now I know to look past the actions of others and seek out the cause.  I know their is a cancerous person that has implanted themselves in my life and must go!  But it took me believing my myself and knowing the value of my own opinion to see the evil work of another.  What is your story? 

When you own the value of your opinion you will see clearly.  When you see clearly you can make the necessary changes to rebuild your life and rid it of poisonous people with negative opinions. 
photo via cr4.globalspec.com via Google images

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 3

No one wants to be bullied!  The person that finds themselves in the unfortunate position of being bullied did not put an ad in the paper.  It is a choice made by another person that seeks to control the people in their environment.

The person being bullied usually stays in this destructive dynamic because they are afraid.  They feel threatened and bargain with themselves to endure abusive treatment.  They may try being nice to the bully, falsely appealing to clouded internal wisdom.  Another flawed attempt to deal with callus bullies is ignoring the behavior.  "Maybe if I ignore this, it will go away."  Unfortunately this is probably not going to help.  The only thing that will stop bullying is severing the ties of the relationship.

It can be difficult to do this because the bullying is usually in a necessary location.  At a school, a workplace or place of worship where both parties meet on a regular basis.  Normally it is the person being bullied that leaves.  They hope the escape poor treatment and start over.  This can happen, but usually they find themselves in another hurtful situation.

The brokenness of the soul travels with the victim.  Until this is repaired remnants of the past will continue to surface in the victim's relationships.  A transformation of the soul has to happen.  This transformation begins with a decision to be free.

As with all things in life this freeing transformation is a process.  It does not happen overnight and there are challenges along the way.  Some of these challenges come in the form of more bullies.  This is not a reason to give up.  It can be a reason to rejoice.  Each obstacle that presents itself is an opportunity to be a better you!  Facing challenges reveals weakness and areas that need attention.  The journey to freedom is not a trip that has to be taken alone.  Yes the internal work and behavior changes belong to the victim, but support is helpful.

1. Join a support group.  Support groups help people that have been bullied identify their feelings.  It a constructive way to work through pain.  Leaving pain buried inside will eventually come out.  
2. Keep a journal.  Write out how you feel.  This is a great way to reconnect with your feelings and become whole.
3. Carefully choose who gets to know your story.   This does not mean you hide your experiences and keep them secret.  It means you share them wisely to prevent being re-victimized. 
4. Read helpful books.  Reading is educational and feeds your mind with new thoughts and ideas.  Something has to counter the negative thoughts and reformulate an new way of living and being.
5. Take a break.  It can be emotionally draining to continually work on yourself. Take breaks to refresh yourself and avoid becoming overwhelmed.  Change takes time, be patient with yourself.

The parts of my story I shared in part 2 were difficult to write.  It took me back to a time in my life when I was not as strong or resourceful.  My journey has put me relationship with many difficult people.  I have not handled all of these situations with grace.  But I survived and each encounter helped me to redeem myself and move forward. 

Sometimes it seemed that I was moving backwards and failing miserably.  Sometimes it seemed that the tears would never stop flowing, and sometimes I still cry.  The wonderful thing is this is my life and I can make it whatever I choose.  I do not have to let another person have control in my life.  I decide what happens and how to make the best of not so good circumstances.  I have come to realize there is no such thing a perfect life.  There will always be situations that challenge me, but the challenge is the only way to become better.

The minute you stop growing and trying to get better is the moment you die.  Nobody has all of the answers.  But they can be examples of what it looks like on the other side of the mountain.  Your bully is the key to unlocking the best you possible! 
photo via Google images.

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 2

Bulling is a degrading experience.  It steals your joy and power from your presence.  It is a wicked exchange that takes place between a bully and a victim.  A bully strips their prey of dignity and weaves it into their being.  They wear it as an invisible badge of authority and use it as a license to continually oppress their victim.  Victims in return become an emotional and physical trash dump.  They become a release for the psychological and emotional pain of their abuser.  The more the bully dumps on the victim, the more the bully hates the victim.  After all, who likes trash?

As a victim of bullying you begin to really feel worthless.  People turn up their noses at you.  They laugh at you when they pass you.  People are constantly talking behind your back and spreading false rumors.  Bullying can become physical as well.  Victims can be pushed, pulled, spit at and beat up.  Victims become the butt of every joke and called dehumanizing names.  Can you imagine spending your work day like this?  Can you imagine going to school and knowing you will be humiliated for 7 straight hours?  What about the battered spouse?  Can  you imagine living with a person or people that treat you like an insignificant slave without feelings?  This is the existence of millions of people around the world.

A Piece of My Story

My bullying experience began at a young age.  I was teased for many different reasons.  Of course this gave me many reasons to doubt myself and my significance as a person of influence.  My black so-called friends teased me for not being black enough.  My speech was too proper and my name brand clothing was not always correct.  My hair was too short and my butt was too flat.  It is extremely difficult to defend yourself when you believe what people are saying.  It is hard to believe you are okay, when you are told on a daily basis you are inferior!

This constant attack on my appearance made me believe I was ugly.  I dated guys that were losers because I was completely confused about my value.  The guys I really wanted I never pursued because I thought they would never want someone as terrible as me.  Bullying is such a deceitful lie.  It robs you of a good life because you think you do not deserve one.  

I was a person split in the middle.  I had completely separated myself from my emotions.  It was as if I lived an outer body experience.  A great deal of my pain came from being raped.  Rape is the sickest act a bully can perpetrate.  This was an event that I blacked out for many years because it was too traumatic to face.  A person I trusted violated me and shattered my soul in one act.  This lead to drinking at the young age of 12.  Needless to say my drinking and shattered soul made me a prime target for bullies.  I needed someone to care, but all I found was more evidence of my uselessness.

These awful acts happening at such an early age never gave me a chance to form boundaries. I allowed people to continually violate me because I never thought I had a choice.  Eventually you stop fighting when you think you are in a losing battle.
 

One of the best ways to take back your power is by setting boundaries.  Boundaries are not walls, they are safety markers to keep you safe.  You have a right to protect yourself when someone comes into your space uninvited.

If you have been bullied forgive yourself.  If you have been doing things or have done things you are not proud of it was only for protection.  We are going to discuss healthy ways of coping as we continue in this series. 

A Tough Reality

The victim and the bully share a dark, sick relationship.  They both share intimate secrets neither wants anyone to know.  The person being bullied is humiliated and hides the secrets of their experience.  The person doing the bullying is ashamed and does not want anyone to know their true, ugly identity.  It is a strange and morbid connection that is difficult to break.  Years after the bullying has stopped the mental chains of worthlessness interfere with a victims well-being.  Bullies move on and find other people to trash.  The cycle continues for both the bully and victim until they decide to take control of their lives.  

Anti-Bullying Programs

The Trevor Project- a hot line and organization for lesbian and gay youth and people.

Bully Online.org- workplace bully resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
photos via: hubpages.com, myhomeschool.blogspot.com, accura-marketing.com via Google images. 

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 1

Bullying is an action that can have lifetime repercussions.  Adults that were bullied sometimes struggle in their relationships because of ingrained messages of inferiority.  Children and teens that are currently experiencing the woes of bullying are going to school dreading harassment and ridicule.  It is even worse when the bullying is occurring in your own home.  Over the next couple of days Empowered Peace is doing an in depth series on bullying.

I will share my own personal story  and discuss causes, solutions and coping skills.  Get ready!

In the mean time.  If you are feeling the effects of bullying past or present know that you are not alone.  We are going to walk through this together and breath the freshness of Empowered air!

Resource 

Love is Louder- is a movement started by Brittnay Snow.  A lot of celebrities are participating in this cause and bringing awareness to the cruelty of bullying.

Stalkers Know how to Use Your Cell Phone to Spy on You- Protect Your Privacy

Living an Empowered life is difficult if not impossible when you are being stalked.  Stalking is becoming increasingly technical and scary!  I have been the victim of a sophisticated stalker.  They hacked my computer and used more traditional means of harassing me and knowing my personal information.  It is extremely difficult if not impossible to catch these people.  When I had a key-logger found on my computer, it seemed the perpetrator had more rights than me.  My bank refused to give the ip address of the hacker that looked at my account.  The police and Microsoft said that what was happening to me was highly unlikely!

It was a helpless feeling!  The latest run in with this stalker took place in copying my wardrobe and hairstyles.  My stalker knew what clothes I was wearing and changed their hair to look like mine.  It was such a creepy feeling and I could not figure out how they knew my every move.  They knew my conversations and daily activities.  It was very painful when people took the side of my stalker and believed I was imitating them.  This is the lie my stalker told and I did not have any way to defend myself.  It was humiliating and cost me my job. 

I have just discovered a highly likely way they stalked me.  Not only did they hack my computer, but I believe they tapped my cell phone.  Take a look at these videos (if you are reading this post via e-mail, you may have to go directly to the website to see these videos www.empoweredpeace.org)







I was completely oblivious to this type of technology.  Your privacy is always at risk!  It seems that honest people do not think about these things.  The bad guys who prey upon us are educated in these areas.  

In my situation the thing that amazed me the most...other people helped my stalkers.  Either they were manipulated into participating, they were told false information to make them think I was worth harassing or they were corrupt.  I can not imagine what would make a person help someone harm another.  Blackmail?  I guess the message is, your privacy is not your own and people will help your stalker.

I have not yet been able to convict my stalker.  For a long time I was afraid to say anything.  I thought people would not believe me.  I thought they would think I was crazy.  Now I do not care what people think.  I tell people that I may be being stalked or I share my past experience when I think it is necessary.  My stalker targeted my professional life.  It sucks to have your lively hood jeopardized.  I have a family to support and my income seems to be in the hands of someone that hates me.

I continue to find ways to take my life back but it is very difficult.  For all I know they are still watching me and reading this post as I prepare it for you.  I pray that the situation is over and my stalker has stopped following me of their own free will.  If not and evidence of their illegal behavior arises again, I will not be as intimidated. 

The latest story in the news is a man that will possibly be convicted for reading his wife's emails.  If he is prosecuted it could mean a lot for victims of Internet crimes.  I encourage you to report activities to authorities and get the services of a private investigator.  I did not do all of things I am suggesting to you because I was ignorant and intimidated.  This is how the stalker wins.  The more Empowered you become, the less you fear the abuser, the more capable you are of fighting back!

photos via: worldvillage.com and blackberrysync.com via google images. 

Bipolar Disorder: Living and Working with People that are Bipolar

Bipolar disorder is not a friendly disease.  It puts an added  layer of difficulty on interpersonal relationships and is a conduit for chaos.  I have worked with people with Bipolar disease, one was confirmed and the other I suspected.  Their behavior made work impossible, it was destructive and intrusive.  I felt powerless against their undermining and cunning ways.  They never took responsibility for their actions and incredibly convinced others I was the problem.  I can not over emphasize how destructive working with Bipolar people has been to me and my family. 

Bipolar disorder also known as manic depression is a serious disorder.  It is characterised by periods of depression followed by periods of mania.  A person experiencing the depression phase of the disease may be suicidal, have mood swings, or be fatigued.  The manic phase can be identified by hyperactivity, lack of self-control and inflated self-esteem (Google Health). 

I was introduced to this season in my life by another personality conflict with a Bipolar person.  The effects of their behavior were almost identical.  They both managed to convince people I was the problem and even worse, some participated in their deception.  I  was falsely accused by the perpetrator, classic!  It happens in most abusive situations. The perpetrators are professional liars.  Who better knows the story than the one creating the problem, it is easy for them to make false allegations because they know the story from beginning to end.  People who do not manage their Bipolar disorder are unable to control their behavior and to survive they blame the victim.  This is unacceptable!  Employers must use reliable outside investigators to properly evaluate such disturbing situations.

My fault lies in being a doormat!  I always felt it was the Christian thing to do and culturally my family taught me to have a debased attitude and submit to everyone, even people that treated me badly, what a crock! These misconceptions have caused me to allow sick people to steal vital pieces of my identity and masquerade it as their own.  The shame and humiliation I feel because of these violations is sometimes paralysing.  The good news is I have a new understanding of Christian submission.  I also know that the debilitating anchor my parents innocently attached to my soul is unhealthy.  It is right to only accept and expect respectful treatment and hold people accountable for their bad behavior. 

What I want you to know.  You do not have to be a victim!  God did not create you to be the trash can of every one's hostility.  You have a right to expect and command respect, it does not make you rude, it makes you Empowered.  You can demand respect in a dignified manner, you do not have to behave like those who seek to oppress you.

I encourage you to learn about Bipolar disorder and protect yourself.  I encourage people with Bipolar disorder to take their medications and to be honest about their problems.  It is an injustice that others should have to suffer and carry the burden of your lies.  Employers wake up, stand up and do the right thing.  Stop allowing sick people run the workplace.  It sets a bad example for those in moral obscurity and penalizes people doing the right thing.  It is not fair that employees are obligated to lie, all to support and protect a person that needs help. 

We all  have a right to live a life of Empowered Peace.  I'm setting my record straight and if you have been a victim of similar circumstances, I encourage you to take a stand.  Doormats are for the porch and false humility is not fit for humanity!

Important Resources

The Equality Act of 2010

In Crisis

The USDA Handbook on Workplace Violence

National 1-800 Crisis Hotline

The National Institute of Mental Health

What is Bipolar Disorder?

photo credits: bipolardisorderanxiety.com, facingbipolar.com, scumdoctor.com via google images.

Workplace Worries and Badly Behaving Bullies



photo via

 The workplace is the second, if not the first home to a majority of working people.  Your job can be full of good friends, supportive supervisors and friendly potlucks but increasingly the workplace has become a war zone.  Employers and employees alike actively seek out individuals to harass and humiliate.  This terrorist mentality causes absenteeism, medical expenses, mental and emotional exhaustion, lower wages, character assassination and termination of employment.  According to Time Magazine many states are following the lead of New York's Healthy Workplace Bill and cracking down on workplace violence. 

Bullycide

The media is not at a loss for stories about bullying.  In fact, a new term has been created for the act of suicide caused by bullying, "Bullycide."  Here are some of the victims: Phoebe Prince, Megan Meier, Karl Peart, Gemma Dimmick, Jodie Zebell and Brodie Panlock just to name a few.  These people were called names, the subject of gossip, victimized by vicious rumors and continually made to feel unworthy by their bullies.  The continual marginalization and the increased power of the bully became overwhelming and they eventually committed suicide.  They were finally convinced that what the bullies said was true and there was not any help or hope to fix things.  This is such a sick travesty, bullies actually enjoy the pain of their victims.  Chances are you have been a victim, are a victim or know someone that has been or is being victimized.  I want you to know you are not alone.



photo via

Why Do People Bully?

• 
  
  Fear:  People are afraid of many things.  Job loss in today's economy is certainly one of them.  People who are working are willing to use unethical means to keep their jobs.  This is unfortunate and many times fear comes in the form of bullying and a mentality of "only the strong survive." 
• Insecurity: Many people are insecure and anyone they perceive as capable of 'getting ahead' of them is a target. 
• 
  
  Jealousy: Old fashioned jealousy fumes many flames.  A lack of values, misdirection and unrealistic expectations lead people to hate others.  The hate comes from feeling they deserve something more and proceed to take it from another person.
• 
  
  Power: How seductive is power?  Power used in the wrong way creates bullying.  
• 
  
  Control: Bullies like to have control over everything, especially the life of their victim.  They are unable to maintain a peace of mind without suppressing their victim, the person becomes as a possession or toy.  Managing their own lives would require introspection and most bullies feel it is too painful or scary to face their demons. 

How to Survive Your Bully



photo via



You can allow bullies to steal your peace and joy.  This is a spiritual poison that breaks the heart of many lost souls.  Continued exposure to this behavior can make you sad, discouraged, depressed, anxious, distracted and unproductive.  The best way to handle a bully is to minimize these effects.  You have to find a positive in-flow to counteract their negativity.  Religion, friends, prayer, worship, arts and crafts and spiritual renewal are all examples of positive actions.  You may feel like giving up or not participating but these things help!

• 
  
  Take notes of the activity happening at work.  Use this information wisely and at the right time.
• 
  
  Don't allow the bully's rumors and lies to define who you are.  Read affirmations and repeat them to remind yourself of your value.
• 
  
  Confront your bully with a calm ethic.  Yelling or bad behavior will only get you in trouble and make your bully's lies more believable.
• 
  
  Report this activity to human resources.  Tell them about the hostile environment your bully is causing and ask for help.
• 
  
  Educate yourself about workplace bullying and find a support group.
• 
  
  Consult an attorney.
• 
  
  Ride out the storm.  From a spiritual perspective, some lessons are taught over and over again until you walk completely through the situation.  This can be scary and very uncomfortable, but by educating yourself on your situation, prayer and acting with integrity you can win. 
• 
  
  Never give up!

!!!Special Note!!!

This is to all of you who see someone being victimized and harassed at work.  SAY SOMETHING!!!  Confront the bully, stick up for your co-worker and refuse to tolerate this nonsense.  Report the incidents to human resources and keep notes.  You do not want the guilt of thinking you could have done something when it is too late.



photo via



References

Case Study: New Laws Target Workplace Bullying

Why Do Women Bully Women in the Workplace? They're Easier Targets

Office Politics: How to Play the Game

When Co-workers Play Dirty

Careerbuilder.com- Career Resources

Resources

Workplace Bullying Institute

Stop Workplace Bullying!

Minding the Workplace

Kickbully- Where Your Fight Begins