A Life Worth Living- Say No to Being Shamed and Feeling Guilty by Others!

There will always be people in your life that are bitter and angry.  Some are angry because they have given up on their dreams, some feel trapped by poor circumstances and others are simply whacked. They are suffocated by the power they allow others to place upon their lives and hate you for your perseverance. These people criticize you for positive behavior and try to make you feel guilty for doing great things. A few of these bitter people criticize you to your face, but most do it behind your back. A life worth living does not allow others to shame and guilt them into mediocrity!

I have had many people in my life attempt to shame me and make me feel guilty for trying to live an exceptional life.  Most of these people operated behind my back. They attacked me by convincing others I was somehow phony and/or bad. I didn't understand what was happening for many years.

I knew people would laugh at me, I could see people like me, turn against me, I could feel the coldness of judgement, I could feel the disgusted stares of hatred, but I didn't understand why. I said these people were jealous of me.  I let myself be convinced I was just wasting my time and I gave up many times.

As time passed and this same pattern continued, I began to see there was always a source! There was always one bitter person that hated my gusto and drive so much, they sabotaged it with their malicious, evil words. I was oblivious to this, because being exposed to negativity, over a long period of time, made me think I was worthless.  I couldn't see beyond the false image created by another person. 

People would doubt me because evil was planted in their minds by bitter people. The ignorance of these happenings caused me to be controlled by another person's hate for me. It also allowed me to be controlled by my own insecurities. I would try to please others and I felt so rejected when they wouldn't extend acceptance. Now I see, I was working against an image created by a bitter person. An image that was not real, but somehow I submitted to it. This is not and was not a life worth living!

Confronting bitter people is not always easy, but necessary to have a life worth living. This is one of the simple keys to living an Empowered life. Here are some ways for you to deal with bitter people:

1. Remove them from your life all together!-If you have the ability to not speak to people who sabotage you do it! Allowing your life to be contaminated is just wrong. You are amazing and the sooner you remove bitter people, the sooner you will see it for yourself!
2. Build Your Confidence!- Fill your life with information that affirms the greatness in you! Listening to negative people brings you down. Being around others that intentionally come against you steals your positive thoughts about yourself. It is important to not only take self confidence building information in, but believe it to be true. You are an amazing person and you are capable of doing exceptional things!
3. Don't Live Down to Bad Expectations- God created you in His image and living down to others expectations gives others undeserved power in your life. Why should any man have the power to design your life. God made you and He made you great!
4. Never Give Up on Your Dreams!- Your dreams are precious! Protect them, believe in them and allow them to fuel your personal success! As Justin Bieber says "Never Say Never!"　

images via weheartit.com, markdworkin.com via Google images

Breaking Dysfunctional Family Ties to Live an Empowered Life

In life people tend to be repetitive!  This is most evident in the relationships that shape the quality of a person's life.  The times that are most fulfilling are normally connected to positive work relationships, supportive partners and good, fun friends.  They bring out the best in everyone and cultivate growth.  Unfortunately, many vital relationships are warped because of dysfunctional family ties.

These dysfunctional family relationships are systems people do not choose.  They have a profound effect on how people interact with one another.  If a person holds the position of "the smart one" in the family, they tend to be "the smart one" in group situations.

It is like a script that is played out or a movie that is ran over and over again.  I have felt the pain of a dysfunctional cycle in my own life.  No matter how hard I tried to change the people I associated with, change the settings and even try to change my approach, nothing stopped the cycle.

I found myself in a subservient position.  Closed into unhappy positions that did not allow me to share my gifts and talents.  It was always that one one person that came along and destroyed what was happy.  I would feel lost, powerless and helpless, just waiting for someone to stop my tormentor. 

Each time my movie played, I would learn something new.  Many times God teaches us slowly and gently.  The last great lesson was the family.  I had a person in my family that treated me as a second class citizen.  I learned to assume my position each time she arrived.  This pattern was ingrained in me and I didn't even know it! 

I began to reflect upon my childhood and similar experiences.  I found one common denominator.  The family member that always keep me under thumb.  The family member that always needed attention, the family member that always needed people to hate me.  This was the same person, but she wounded me in many ways.

It began at such a young age that it became part of my makeup.  Such a natural part of my interpersonal relationships, that I did not recognize it was wrong until years later.  Years into my adulthood.  Years into abusive relationships. 

When I realized what was happening I knew I needed to stop the madness.  I made contact with the family member that punished me for living.  They refused to meet me face to face and never said sorry.  I wanted to tell them how their mistreatment poisoned my relationships.  I wanted to say that their hate for me wasn't love.  I want to say that I was making a choice to be free and that I knew I was a good, loving person. 

I refuse to be afraid of people similar to her.  They have pissed on everything that is important to me long enough.  I refuse to allow this falsehood to inform my life and relationships.  It is not always perfect, but it is much, much better.

Finding the courage to break poisonous family ties is the first step to healthy relationships.  It is possible to find real, solid relationships.  It simply takes rooting out the lies of the past and then replacing them with truth.

You have the right to be in control of your life.  You have the right to shine and the right to have people love you.  Let your dysfunctional family members put their trash in the garbage, not you!

It is never too late!  Empower yourself and reclaim your life!

photo via ilovemybaby.org via Google images

Meeting Life's Challenges is the Road to Success

What is a queen without a kingdom?  What is a warrior without a battle?  What is a husband without a wife?  What is a mother without a child?  What is a writer without a story?  What is a musician without an instrument?  What is a lover without a partner?  What is a solution without a problem?

All of these images embody the emptiness one experiences when life's challenges are not overcome.  It seems that the pain comes from defeat, but it runs much deeper.  It is also the God given gifts inside of you yearning for an outlet.

The other side of the challenge is the kingdom, the battle, the wife, the child, the story, the instrument, the partner, the problem.  It is the playground for your gifts and talents to exercise, grow and be free. 

These challenges are most significant in the lives of people that have determined goals in life.  The ability to maintain excellence when a goal is met, is developed along the way, through challenges.  When I was a new hospital chaplain, I was constantly confronted with challenging situations.  I had to overcome many fears to be successful in my job.  I found myself growing and doing more than I ever dreamed.

Then came the big challenge!  I was filled with fear and distress.  I was unable to effectively rise to this challenge and my growth was redirected.  I no longer had a hospital for my chaplaincy gifts and talents.  I had to self-reflect and decide if my dream was worth overcoming my fear. 

Meeting this challenge is something I approach with nervousness, but I realize it is the only way to reach my ultimate goal.  And the only way to pull out more of the substance God gave me to function in my purpose. 

The Message

The message I want you get...treat life's challenges as an oven.  After you put all the ingredients of your dreams and goals together...let the challenges of life bake the perfect cake!

The challenge is not comfortable, but without it you will not have the necessary tool to finish your dream.  Realize it is an opportunity to become the best, Empowered you possible!

photo via jerecro721.wordpress.com via Google images

A Response to A Cherished Reader- How to Deal with Unapproachable People

I love all of my readers, at least the ones that are reading because they are growing and support me with with a sincere heart.  My article Unfinished Business- Having Really Hard and Sometimes Scary Conversations had the following comment:
This was a nice article but I would have liked to see more suggestions on how to approach or at least pray for the unapproachable. I want to have real relationships and eliminate the phony.

The desire to have real relationships is the start of owning them.  If you have had a background of being surrounded by shady people that gain their glory from your humiliation, learning who to trust can be difficult.  A good way to recognize a connection that is causing destruction in your life is to observe.  Here are some things to be aware of:

1. You are experiencing trouble in your key relationships.  All of a sudden people that you once clicked with begin to distance themselves.  You do not know why, but it is obvious there is a problem.  Real friends and supporters willing tell you when someone is toying with your life.  If they are not will to share their concerns or believe lies and do not share backstabbing rumors, take them off of your list of supporters.  You can pray for them by asking God to remove the confusion the enemy has caused.
2. People know or think they know information about your personal life that you did not share.  This is a clear sign that someone is spreading rumors about you.  It may not be easy to find the person behind the lies, but it is a good chance they are right under your nose.  Another scary thing to consider is the technology in today's world.  People have the ability to hack e-mails, Facebook accounts, twitter accounts, hear your cell phone conversations and even use the cameras on your computer to see what you are doing at home.  It amazes me that people would be that intrusive, but there are not boundaries for some people.  
3. You experience a change in yourself and your confidence begins to fail.  Continued harassment can destroy your confidence.  You begin to question yourself, the way you dress, your hair, paranoid about little things like your nails and continually wonder how people are thinking of you.  You have to turn this negative energy around and use it root out problem people.
4. They will try to convince you and everyone else that you are crazy.  If people believe your crazy then they will not believe anything you say.  The harassment that is real will be turned into a figment of your imagination by the perpetrator.  Then you become the problem.  If everyone is looking at you, the bully has a clear path to do what he or she wants.  They are the crazy ones for attempting to destroy the life God created.  It is the biggest insult to God and it will not go unpunished by Him.  This is classic scenario played out in every movie genre.  It is the theme is 1 out of every 3 Lifetime movies and yes it happens in real life!

These are just a few things you may notice.  Once you determine there is an unapproachable person in your life you have to face your fears.  You have to decide you want to control your own life and take back your power.  

It is very intimidating when you have to stand up to a person that seems unstoppable.  They become larger than life and trying to defend yourself seems pointless.  You have to dig deep inside and let these cowards know you are aware of what they are doing.  

1. You will not die by sticking up to your bully.  It can be scary, you may cry or even lose your words.  But once you do it once the second time is much easier.  Let them know you are not afraid and that what they are doing is wrong.
2. Write out what you are going to say.  Try to prepare ahead of time.  Write out what you are going to say and how your unapproachable person may react.  Then decide how you are going to react to their actions.
3. Let other people know it is their responsibility to help.  Bullies survive in a world of secrecy.  People are aware but do not want to be a snitch or be made fun of themselves.  Let the people who are enabling know it it their silence that allows destructive behavior to continue.  
4. Be strong!  If harassment continues seek legal help.
5. Move yourself to a healthy environment.  If you are unable to get the situation under control, leave.  There is no reason why you should have to endure bad behavior.  Life is short and making connections with people that will support you is a better way to spend your energy.

Remember you are not alone!  You are not weak and making a decision to take control of your life is the beginning of turning things around! 

photo via managemypractice.com

The Good Girl Must Die!

A one dimensional person is lying to themselves.  No one is all good all the time.  As a woman I thought it was my place be good, even during my years of being a "bad girl" I still had a persona within my group as a "good girl."  There were certain lines I did not cross because I needed to be "good."

What is a good girl or person?  A person that lives their lives believing they are walking a saint.  They do everything to live up too society's definition of a good woman.  They continually deny their true feelings and act upon being liked by others.  It is a life full of artificial connections, fake smiles and suppressed emotions.  The "good girl" must die!

My good girl delusions were broken when a bully began spreading rumors about me.  They said I was a whore, liar and anything else vile and evil which exists.  I never knew exactly what was said, but I knew my image was damaged.  I was crushed because I had lived to be everything pure and in line with Jesus.  The only problem was I was denying my authentic self and did not even realize it!

I thought being humble and overlooking the bad behavior of another person made me a better person.  I thought because I made the choice of waiting for sex until married made me pure and holy.  I thought suffering the abuse of a-holes was something to be endured until God pulled me out of the situation.  I thought never getting angry was good.

How wrong!  The good girl must die!  The good girl image holds women in invisible prisons of piety.  No one ever has to worry about the good girl fulfilling her dreams.  She will live her life bond in a stagnant swap of "good enough."  It is time to kill the good girl and embrace your entire being.

As a woman you have all kinds of feelings, thoughts, desires and needs.  Society tells us that certain wants and needs are bad because good girls are not like this or that.  Not true!  Women have the right to experience the fullness of our existence and this can not be done if everything about you is being denied.

At one time in my life, I saw the world as black or white, right or wrong, good or bad.  But now I am realizing life if full of shades of gray.  Harsh stringent standards create impossible rules for anyone to fulfill.  Living in the gray and accepting yourself as less than perfect is the only way to breath and experience the gratification of being you.

I am certainly not telling you to start cussing everyone out that ticks you off or encouraging you to have sex with strange people.  I am telling you that your thoughts and feelings are normal!  And embracing all of you and being okay with yourself just the way you are kills the good girl.

This is how you get started:

1. Realize your emotions are not evil.  We all have feelings.  Feelings of love, hate, desire, lust, envy, happiness and sorrow.  It is a part of what makes us human.  Emotions are gifts from God.  They allow us to understand how situations are effecting us.  When we understand how we feel, we can act appropriately.  Not based on our feelings, but based on our values.   If your feelings conflict with your beliefs, explore it! Don't ignore it!  Be available to yourself to make adjustments and changes when necessary.  Remember you are on a journey and should be evolving all of the time.
2. Know your values.  You should know what is important to you and make decisions to uphold and protect these things in your life.  If you have to be mean or fight for what you believe in, it is okay.  Be true to yourself!
3. It is okay to be different. Many times the desire to fit kills your ability to be your authentic self.  It is okay to be different.  If it were not God would have made us all the same.  Instead of going along with the crowd, have the courage to stick your values and beliefs.  If you are the only one wearing red shorts at the gas station with white strips and everyone is moved by your fashion statement, be happy!  

Now go kill the good girl and be complete and whole.  That good girl is empty and miserable, yearning for the day she can be bold and beautiful.  Make that day today! 
photo via sharewithaline.wordpress.com via Google images

Your Opinion has Power When You Believe in You!

One of the most Empowering understandings a person can own is the value of their opinion.  This is important because when you know that your opinion matters, the negative opinions of others will not matter.  When the negative opinions of others do not matter to you, they can not damage you!

I had an Empowering moment that made me smile.  I was thinking about how terrible I was treated by a group of people.  This was not a lingering thought, it was a repetitive thought that was very upsetting to me.  I wondered why these people did not like me.  I wondered why they listened to lies and rumors.  I wondered why they treated me so cruelly.  I wondered why they spiritually and emotionally abused me.  I wondered why my tears and pain did not matter to them and even made them happy.  I wondered why they always questioned me.  I wondered why they hated me.  Then I thought Why do I care?  I wondered why am I wasting my energy and time trying prove my quality and loyalty to these people.  Why would I want to be where I am disrespected? 

I thought why do I need such horrible people to like me.  I thought why do I need such cowards to have my back.  why do I want such liars and followers that have never showed me any compassion to love me or even like me?  Why do I care? 

What really matters is how I think of them.  I do not respect them.  I do not like them.  I do not want these kind of people in my life.  I do not want to continue to sell my self short because I put value in their twisted lies.  My opinion matters!  My beliefs matter!  This is when I took my power back! 

You have to live by your own set of beliefs and truths and know that they matter.  When you live by the opinions of others you give them power over your life.  I was in a place where I actually needed the validation of others to feel whole.  The truth is I can leave when people do not want me.  The truth is I can leave when I do not want others.  Why would anyone want to be in a painful place full of torment?

My situation involves a stalker/abuser/bully that poisons situations in my life.  It took me a long time to realize this and now I know to look past the actions of others and seek out the cause.  I know their is a cancerous person that has implanted themselves in my life and must go!  But it took me believing my myself and knowing the value of my own opinion to see the evil work of another.  What is your story? 

When you own the value of your opinion you will see clearly.  When you see clearly you can make the necessary changes to rebuild your life and rid it of poisonous people with negative opinions. 
photo via cr4.globalspec.com via Google images

Learning How to Find Financial Freedom- Stop Going Around the Mountain!

It has been a very busy time in my life.  I have been focusing on my new business and working hard to nurture its care.  If you have not had a chance check out Donna's Dollhouse! 

One of the biggest concerns people have in their lives is money!  Struggling from paycheck to paycheck and wondering how to breakthrough the confinement of financial oppression.  I have had a love hate relationship with money.  I have been extremely poor and extremely well off.  I have spent more time in the red, and I would personally like to turn this around.

At this time in my life, the finances are tight.  Many factors have played into this.  Unemployment, a lack of knowledge about how money should be used, being surrounded by people that bring me down and an overall ignorance of money in general. 

Empowerment means taking responsibility for all areas of my life.  It is easy to blame others, and I have had some really terrible things done to me.  These people should be held accountable, but it is up to me to make sure it does not happen again.  Life lessons can take time and I have gone around many mountains for years.  Stepping out in a new direction takes courage and an internal decision to not take it anymore!

Poverty is something I do not want to take anymore!  I believe dreams do come true and this is not any different.  I guess I equate poverty to being overweight.  People struggle for years trying to lose weight.  They go on diets and spend money, time and effort on plans that do not work.  When a person finally loses weight, they say it was a lifestyle change.  I have to make a lifestyle change concerning money! 

I have to admit, I do not know where to begin, but I know I have to have a plan!  Here is my plan:

1. Read a financial website.  I am going to start reading "The Wallstreet Journal" or the best free, reputable online financial publication I can find.  This will be like reading a foreign language to me, but I will look up terms, be patient with myself and learn as I go.
2. I am going to put $5 a month in a savings account.  This does not sound like a lot of money, but it is to me!  I am really feeling the tension in the Michigan economy.  The other reason for putting this money in the bank is forming a habit!  
3. Find a financial Adviser.  I am going to set up some appointments and find an adviser.  They may laugh at me or think I am crazy when they see my finances, but I do not care.  The main thing is finding someone I can trust, someone that believes in me and someone that takes me seriously.  
4. Pray!  I need the Lord to guide me in this and give me wisdom!  

If you are trying to turn your bank account into something that gives you resources instead of headaches, it only takes your decision.  You are not alone!

Ted Haggard is Living His Dream, Are You?

This is the very first article posted on Empowered Peace!  The original post date was 7/11/2010.  As the spring and summer months approach, Empowered Peace is coming upon its one year anniversary.  Enjoy, and as usual be Empowered!

Ted Haggard started a new church.  He is the former pastor of mega church, New Life Church and the former chief of the National Association of Evangelicals.  Haggard confessed to participating in sexual activities with a male prostitute and to ingesting illegal drugs.  His separation from these organizations in 2006, was devastating to many conservative evangelicals.

Ted Haggard made a controversial decision to start another church.  Millions of people across the nation are discussing their feelings and opinions about this event.  Most of these discussions are addressing the absolute questions of right or wrong, truth or lie, sinner or forgiven, yes or no.  Despite your personal views or religious affiliation there is a man tending to his own spirituality.  Haggard has made a decision to participate in his purpose.  His experience is filled with many different forces.  He has to contend with opposing forces, supportive forces and lingering indifference to live out the dream in his heart.

Many of you are struggling with decisions that will change your life and the life of others around you.  You are trying to make the best choices from your own limited perspective.  Normally the most pressing question is how much pain will I cause myself and/or my loved ones to feel.  The answer to this question is simple, you are going to feel pain no matter what you decide.  Life's circumstances are beyond our control because God made eternal decisions a long time ago.  Thus having God's perspective is best when you are confronted with major decisions.

Connecting with your purpose in life will give you the courage to live your dreams.  Your life may not be as public as Ted Haggard's yet the same controversy can exist.  My point is this, life is happening in spite of your choices.  Making a decision to participate in your purpose gives you the ability to be whole.  Living life according to God's purpose for your creation is fulfilling. It gives you a different perspective in the painful seasons of your life. 

Reese Witherspoon- Empowers Women with Jewelry

Resse Witherspoon, actress, global ambassador and honorary chair for the Avon Foundation for Women, is helping fight domestic violence with a $10 bracelet.  100% of the net profits go to the foundation.  

 If you are unable to view this video follow this link

Abuse hurts, if you can help a woman Empower herself and look good while doing it, why not?  You can find an Avon representative by calling 1-800-FOR-AVON or by visiting www.avon.com
photo and video via: Avon Foundation for Women

The Power of Correct Thinking- Start with Your Imagination

My spiritual journey has led me to analyze the power of my thinking.  This concept is not new to me, but the depths of this creative principle have become astoundingly real.  This has been an awaking for me through my spiritual purification.

I realized I still had a deep rooted victim mentality that rotted and poisoned my experiences and relationships.  I felt powerless in many work situations and gave my power over to people that wanted to do me harm.  I blamed others over and over again for treating me cruelly and making my life miserable.  But when I decided to let go of being a victim, I had to hold myself accountable for the bad things in my life as well.  This epiphany by no means excuses abusive people for acting inappropriately and sometimes illegally.  What it does is hold me accountable for allowing the behavior to continue.

People that have been abused or that have experienced trauma have their imaginations poisoned.  If these dark fears and bad expectations are not properly dealt with continuous abuse is likely to occur.  The bad outcomes and bad relationships stem from a continuous mental movie of negative expectations.  As humans we are led in the direction of our beliefs, and we think and imagine in the direction of our beliefs.

Have you ever been daydreaming about your future and find yourself feeling afraid?  This is what usually happens.  Let's use a fictional character named Ruth.  Ruth is a 36 year old female that dreams of getting a college degree, working as an administrator and owning her own business on the side.  Currently Ruth is a clerk at K-Mart and takes classes here and there.

Ruth is extremely intelligent but often finds herself in bad situations.  She has had abusive boyfriends, bad bosses, back stabbing friends and accumulating debt.  No matter how hard she fights she ends up with the short end of the stick and she believes she is a loser.  Each time she dreams of success she imagines obstacle after obstacle blocking her path.  She does not think she is worthy and allows others to push her around.  Ruth's life is not going to change until she believe in herself and her ability to succeed.  She definitely has everything it takes to accomplish her dreams, but lacks the faith in her own existence.  

Ruth's life will not change until she believes she deserves better.  Your life will not change until you decide you can really do and be better.  Sometimes it takes an extraordinary event to bring this change about or you can use the power of correct thinking. 

The most important thing I want to leave you with is your imagination.  You have the ability to create a success in your mind or a failure.  Which one do you really want?  You have the power to imagine beyond your obstacles and live out your dreams in reality.  Taking control of your mind and imagination is Empowering and can bring about real change. 

If you can not see this video, view it on the website using this link

photos via: faqs.org, topnews.ae via Google images

Changing Your Normal Life to a Successful Life- Do You Have The Qualities?

If you had to rate your life on a scale of 1 to 5, what criteria would you use?  Are you considering the things that you want and do not have?  Are you evaluating your career?  Are you thinking about your family or the car you drive?  Many times the gauges used to answer this question are based on material possessions and present circumstances.  Looking outside of yourself to rate the success of your life is unstable.  Things and people are continually changing.  The best sources for judging life's level of satisfaction are internal.  A normal life can become a successful life if you possess the right internal qualities.

Different groups name these qualities in various ways.  I love the names used in the Bible.  They are called fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22).  When you develop these internal navigators your life changes from normal to successful.

The external problems of life are just that, outside of you.  You begin to use your internal strength to understand and manage what you can not control.  For example, if your relationships are stressful friends and others can make life miserable.  But when you decide to be patient and use your self-control the foolish antics of others are not a concern.  Others may want to cause you emotional pain, but when you understand this temporary situation will pass, just as all other problems your life becomes successful. 

Choosing to function by internal qualities Empowers you to make healthier choices.  These choices will move you into a successful place, but until you get there you can rely on your patience.  You can be good to others and be faithful in nurturing your spirit.  Joy will comfort you and kindness will stop you from becoming bitter. Gently handling yourself and others will minimize destruction to your life and others on the way to success.

Just as the seasons change, your circumstances change.  You have already won when you allow yourself to experience joy in the rain.  Cultivating these qualities is part of the journey.  Here are some ways to change your normal life to a successful life by using these qualities.

1. Pray.  Prayer is an act that reassures you.  It reminds you God is helping you and protecting you along your journey.
2. Read your scriptures.  Reading the scripture of your chosen religion cultivates your soul.  As a Christian I always feel comforted by the nurturing words that give life to my soul.
3. Volunteer.  Give to people in need, even when you are lacking yourself.  Find an organization that is important to you and share your time.  Knowing you are contributing to life in a positive way quickens your spirit.  
4. Realize life is not perfect.  You will always be confronted with challenges.  Know that you are not doomed or cursed because bad times come your way.  Manage from a place of internal love knowing you will persevere.  This way when the good times come you will be able to fully rejoice.  

Your normal life has now become successful.  Even when things and people around you are not great.  This is because you have used your internal qualities to experience a life of the charts!
photos via: hiseternalcompanion.com, danthurmon.com via Google images

Excuses, Excuses- When are You Going to Face Your Fears?

The biggest thing that separates a person from their dreams if fear.  A fear of failing, a fear of succeeding, a fear of others and a fear of self!  The thing that keeps fear from becoming to great is an excuse.  "I can not start my own business because I work too many hours."  "I can not save money because I love to shop."  These are both excuses.  What excuses do you use to stop you from being afraid?

Your excuses are simply a gap between you and your fears.  When the gap is closed you are faced with the same decision...Are you going to face your fears or make another excuse?  Living on excuses is confusing and it causes one the eventually hate themselves.  Excuses are deceitful because they can become a false truth.  As long as you believe shopping is your truth, your true self is a distant image that slowly fades.  Each time that image presents itself, it reminds you that you are running away from your fear. 

Those are sad moments that can make you sad.  You know you are not being true to yourself and it hurts.

Did you know your full potential is on the other side of your fear?  All you have to do is go for it!  If you fail, get back up.  If you go backwards, take another step forward!  The main thing is you know you are pushing to grow.  It does not matter how many times you fall, it matters how many times you stand back up!

Sometimes it seems easier just to stay down.  You do not have to worry about getting knocked back down.  The harsh opinions of others seems to be minimized, but what about how you think of yourself?  Facing your fears is a lot less painful than living with broken dreams.  To live an Empowered life you must face your fears.  Then you will have Peace!
photo via: nomadzent.com via Google images

Kick Defeat in the Face and Reach for the Stars!

Throughout life you are faced with many challenges.  These trails come in the form of job losses, divorce, death, discrimination, difficult people and just plain bad luck.  As obstacles and challenges present themselves choices have to be made.  Most people clearly see the injustices perpetrated by others when bad times come.  It is easy to see how co-workers treated you unfairly.  It is easy to blame your spouse because they are the ones who cheated.  It is easy to blame, but blaming gives away power.  Blaming allows others to have control of your life.  Try this perspective?

Each obstacle you face is an opportunity to excel. That's right.  When you are hardest hit do the right thing and develop the confidence you need to achieve your dreams.  How many times have you compromised when faced with mountains?  How many times did you throw in the towel because the task seemed impossible?  I am here to tell you that these times separate the boys from the men.  The girls from the women and the winners from the losers.  When you are hit dig deep and pull out that greatness inside of you to do the right thing.  This is how you reach for the stars!

Each time you blame others when things get tough, you lose a little bit of yourself.  Blaming another person for your problems allows you to be a helpless victim.  The problem is no one is coming to save you!  I mean the you on the inside, your soul. 

When you stop blaming others you can reach for the stars!  In this life we face some incredible challenges.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream of integration when it was legal to call him a nigger at work.  He could have given up on his dream and lived until he was 90.  This compromise would have killed his soul and made him a miserable person.  He would have lost self-respect and lived a life of shame.  Instead he reached for the stars and lived a shorter life with greatness.

You have this same greatness inside of you!  You may not be able to compare yourself to Dr. King, but I can!  God created you both for great things.  Your dreams may not get national headlines, but they can make a difference.  They can change your life and Empower you. 

Do not compromise your soul.  Do the right thing and reach for the stars!
photos via: thepositivelife.com, life-evolution.com via Google images

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 3

No one wants to be bullied!  The person that finds themselves in the unfortunate position of being bullied did not put an ad in the paper.  It is a choice made by another person that seeks to control the people in their environment.

The person being bullied usually stays in this destructive dynamic because they are afraid.  They feel threatened and bargain with themselves to endure abusive treatment.  They may try being nice to the bully, falsely appealing to clouded internal wisdom.  Another flawed attempt to deal with callus bullies is ignoring the behavior.  "Maybe if I ignore this, it will go away."  Unfortunately this is probably not going to help.  The only thing that will stop bullying is severing the ties of the relationship.

It can be difficult to do this because the bullying is usually in a necessary location.  At a school, a workplace or place of worship where both parties meet on a regular basis.  Normally it is the person being bullied that leaves.  They hope the escape poor treatment and start over.  This can happen, but usually they find themselves in another hurtful situation.

The brokenness of the soul travels with the victim.  Until this is repaired remnants of the past will continue to surface in the victim's relationships.  A transformation of the soul has to happen.  This transformation begins with a decision to be free.

As with all things in life this freeing transformation is a process.  It does not happen overnight and there are challenges along the way.  Some of these challenges come in the form of more bullies.  This is not a reason to give up.  It can be a reason to rejoice.  Each obstacle that presents itself is an opportunity to be a better you!  Facing challenges reveals weakness and areas that need attention.  The journey to freedom is not a trip that has to be taken alone.  Yes the internal work and behavior changes belong to the victim, but support is helpful.

1. Join a support group.  Support groups help people that have been bullied identify their feelings.  It a constructive way to work through pain.  Leaving pain buried inside will eventually come out.  
2. Keep a journal.  Write out how you feel.  This is a great way to reconnect with your feelings and become whole.
3. Carefully choose who gets to know your story.   This does not mean you hide your experiences and keep them secret.  It means you share them wisely to prevent being re-victimized. 
4. Read helpful books.  Reading is educational and feeds your mind with new thoughts and ideas.  Something has to counter the negative thoughts and reformulate an new way of living and being.
5. Take a break.  It can be emotionally draining to continually work on yourself. Take breaks to refresh yourself and avoid becoming overwhelmed.  Change takes time, be patient with yourself.

The parts of my story I shared in part 2 were difficult to write.  It took me back to a time in my life when I was not as strong or resourceful.  My journey has put me relationship with many difficult people.  I have not handled all of these situations with grace.  But I survived and each encounter helped me to redeem myself and move forward. 

Sometimes it seemed that I was moving backwards and failing miserably.  Sometimes it seemed that the tears would never stop flowing, and sometimes I still cry.  The wonderful thing is this is my life and I can make it whatever I choose.  I do not have to let another person have control in my life.  I decide what happens and how to make the best of not so good circumstances.  I have come to realize there is no such thing a perfect life.  There will always be situations that challenge me, but the challenge is the only way to become better.

The minute you stop growing and trying to get better is the moment you die.  Nobody has all of the answers.  But they can be examples of what it looks like on the other side of the mountain.  Your bully is the key to unlocking the best you possible! 
photo via Google images.

Everybody Wants You!- The Competition for Your Attention, Time and Money

Did you know how desirable you are?  Everyday, all day millions of people are literally having sleepless nights wondering why you do not care.  They have meetings about you and actually research how to be apart of your life.  Yes they even change their minds and reformat who they are just to make you happy!  These are famous people who want you.  I am not talking about your neighbor or your spouse. I am talking about people like Donald Trump, Ron Howard, Oprah Winfrey, The Kardashian's, The National Football League and powerful people in government.


Each of these people compete feverishly for a moment of your time.  They hope to make you a loyal fan or follower.  The more you love them, the richer they become.  I am sure many of these people trying to get your time care about you.  I would not categorize them as being evil.  They are invested in you to make a living and sell, for the most part, quality products.

So my next question is, Who has your attention?  Here is a short list of who has been wanting you this month alone.  It is February and a lot is happening.  The American Heart Association wants you to wear red for American Heart month, Hallmark, Ivanka Trump and anyone with a product wants you to buy gifts for Valentine's day and it is Black History Month!  It is a good thing February only has 28 days!

I think that Participating in charitable activities surrounding these important causes is great.  But understand people thought about how to get you where you are planning to go. If they are smart they thought about how to keep your attention.  I must admit, I want your time as much as anybody else.  I want to Empower you and enable you to live a life of Peace!  My cause is just as noble as the next.  How do you decide what to invest your valuable time, money and energy into?

What do you consider quality?  How do you measure a successful event?  What determines money well spent?  Everybody wants you, but what do you want?  Here are some things to consider.

1. Know thyself.  It is important to know what gives you real satisfaction and why.  Creating a personal mission statement can help you with this.  If the things you are buying do not constructively add to this vision, consider if it is worth your time, energy ultimately your money.
2. Why do you like the products you are buying.  Is it the commercial?  I like commercials, if you have a product you have to find a way to bring attention to them.  They are funny, entertaining and many times sweet.  However a good commercial in and of itself is not a reason to buy.  It may be a reason to question, research or even experiment.  Pledge your allegiance to a product because it really works for you.  You could be missing out on something great for completely shallow reasons.
3. Look into events and causes.  Many events are planned for Black History Month.  Many people sincerely want to recognize and celebrate the accomplishments of African-Americans.  The American Heart Association is raising money this month and promoting many fund raisers. It is wise to look into organizations wanting your money.  Make sure they are really connected to reputable causes.  Ask them what they are doing with the donations.  It feels good to give, but you also want to be smart.  Look into your religious organizations and other clubs as well.  Make sure they are using your contributions in a responsible way.  You are not wrong to ask, they are wrong to deny.  
4. Share your opinion.  What you think matters.  Everybody wants you!  Let people know when they are doing good.  Let people know when they are doing bad.  I would be careful in restaurants, yikes!  Good customer service should be acknowledged.  How many times have you waited to tell someone about a terrible experience?  Show the same type of urgency with great care.  Whenever service catches your attention let it be know.  Write letters and/or make phone calls.  I think it is fair to tell people how they are doing, especially since they work so hard to get you. 
5. Remember Nancy Regan, just say no! If something is not good just don't buy it anymore.  Brand loyalty should not be based on longevity but real satisfaction.     

Understand your value and make Empowered choices!
photos via: fanpop.com, josh-wyxl.itmblog.com and brentozar.com via Google images 

The Difficult Truths of Life

Chaplain Donna

Telling the truth is not always easy.  I have had to speak a difficult truth several times this week and I felt terrible after it was over.  It was a sinking feeling that filled me with doubt about my future and my ability to earn a living.  As many of you know, I have been sabotaged by an old supervisor and so-called friend.  There is a strong possibility they are still waiting for another opportunity to shit (forgive my language, but I can not think of a more appropriate word) on my hard work.  The fact of the matter is I have to deal with this unpleasant truth happening in my life or my life will continue to deal with me. 

Coming to terms with this has caused me to cry many tears and question my chances of any real success.  I do not know who is going to hire someone that has a bad reputation.  I do not know who is going to hire someone who has a stalker playing God in the background.  I do not know if their efforts to ruin my lively hood have been completely successful.  To say the least I am in a sad place, but the possibilities have never been more brighter. 

Still I Rise

by Maya Angelou

You may write me down in history   

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt   

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?   

’Cause I walk like I've got oil wells   

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,   

With the certainty of tides,   

Just like hopes springing high,   

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?   

Bowed head and lowered eyes?   

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,   

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?   

Don't you take it awful hard

’Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines   

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,   

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds   

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,   

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,   

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.   

I rise

   I rise   

 I rise.

Changing a Bad Situation by Changing Yourself

Bad situations in life usually begin with a relationship.  Conflict with a co-worker, a bad marriage, disrespectful children or even money problems involve you and/or at least one other person.  Changing a bad situation is not always simple.  It involves confronting deep inner fears and taking action. 

Most people are familiar with the concept of self-change for better results.  But, is that really what is happening?  Deciding to change does not mean other people to follow your lead.  Making an effort to be nice to co-worker, does not require the other person's participation.  Changing yourself means just that, change without any expectation or participation from others.  There is nothing wrong with hoping things get better, but the other person or people may not have the same desires. 

Focusing on self-change means creating boundaries, making construction decisions and taking a NEW direction.  Let's really be Empowered by expecting the best out of ourselves without any expectations from others.  

photo via: nurturingyoursuccessblog.com

Dr. Martin Luther King- I Have a Dream, Part 1

Martin Luther King's Address at March on Washington
August 28, 1963. Washington, D.C.

This speech was taken in its entirety from http://www.mlkonline.net/dream.html (photos are also from this site)

This is one of Dr. King's most famous speeches.  I have posted here in recognition of his birthday January 15, 1929.  His birthday is officially recognized the 3rd Monday in January.  Which will be January 17 in this year 2011.  Reflect upon his words of Empowerment!  Blessings, Chaplain Donna.

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation. [Applause]

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of captivity.

But one hundred years later, we must face the tragic fact that the Negro is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So we have come here today to dramatize an appalling condition.

In a sense we have come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check -- a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice. We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to open the doors of opportunity to all of God's children. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of the Negro. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.

We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed. Let us not wallow in the valley of despair.

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"


This speech was taken in its entirety from http://www.mlkonline.net/dream.html

The Rebirth of a Powerful You!

Sometimes you can alienate yourself from the life that surrounds you.  The pain of past and possibly even current events subconsciously builds invisible walls of protection.  The isolation that befriends you begins to draw loneliness and fear as compatible companions.  The lack of good companionship begins the self talk of you are not good enough.  Before you know it, you are alone or with people that have given into bitterness.  Your relationships are not fulfilling and you can not seem to get out of your rut.

It is not impossible to break out of your shell.  You do not have to live a life with mediocre or turbulent relationships that hurt.  You have to first be ready for a change and reach out of your comfort zone of misery.  The victim has to die and the powerful you has to be reborn. 

These changes do not have to occur overnight.  Take it a little at a time.  Try standing up to a bully.  Try wearing the outfit you really like, but are afraid to be criticized.  Try asking your crush out on a date.  Try being happy and thinking positive about your future.  Your destiny is in your hands and no one has the power to steal it from you.  All you have to do is get back up when you fall! 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!
photos via: gchosp.org, teenesteemcouncil.com

Enduring Tough Times When All Hope is Gone

How much can one person take?  Sometimes it seems that life is on a mission to destroy any happiness a person can experience.  Broken relationships, broken bank accounts, broken children, broken hearts and broken promises seem to be the only news coming in the mail and calling on the phone.  Plans for the future seem to be crumbling and betrayal sleeps with you at night as you try to escape pain in the comfort of your dreams.  But your dreams become nightmares and sleep refuses to sing a comforting lullaby.

The worse part is everyone around seems to be doing just fine.  They are planning for their futures, enrolling their children in college, buying new homes, cars and clothes.  They say be strong or have faith in God.  The only problem is hope is lost and the excruciating pain of life is crushing any faith in God's goodness.  New Year's resolutions, positive affirmations, meditation and even church are unable to penetrate the doom of another day.

How do you endure life when it seems to spit on you and your family?  One step at a time, one moment at a time, one tear at a time.  Sad and seemingly unfair times come upon everyone.  Being in the midst of turmoil is an often lonely place.  It is important to remember there are many people suffering.  You are note alone, even though it seems no one in the world can relate to your troubles.  Many are drudging through another day hoping for an end to their pain.

To minimize this type of pain is disrespectful.  To say it will okay is rude, what is okay about being screwed by life.  Having someone listen without judgment, this is sometimes the only relief a person can find.

To those of you feeling this level of pain, I say to you please hold on.  Please know that even if you have lost faith in God, He waiting for you when you are ready.  This season of life is sure to pass, hold on and take this message as hope reaching out.  The winter's of life are cold and rough, but the summer's of life are waiting for you.

Be strong on the days you can and fight your battles with integrity.
 


photos via: servingstrong.typepad.com, jameslaylon.wordpress.com