A Life Worth Living- Say No to Being Shamed and Feeling Guilty by Others!

There will always be people in your life that are bitter and angry.  Some are angry because they have given up on their dreams, some feel trapped by poor circumstances and others are simply whacked. They are suffocated by the power they allow others to place upon their lives and hate you for your perseverance. These people criticize you for positive behavior and try to make you feel guilty for doing great things. A few of these bitter people criticize you to your face, but most do it behind your back. A life worth living does not allow others to shame and guilt them into mediocrity!

I have had many people in my life attempt to shame me and make me feel guilty for trying to live an exceptional life.  Most of these people operated behind my back. They attacked me by convincing others I was somehow phony and/or bad. I didn't understand what was happening for many years.

I knew people would laugh at me, I could see people like me, turn against me, I could feel the coldness of judgement, I could feel the disgusted stares of hatred, but I didn't understand why. I said these people were jealous of me.  I let myself be convinced I was just wasting my time and I gave up many times.

As time passed and this same pattern continued, I began to see there was always a source! There was always one bitter person that hated my gusto and drive so much, they sabotaged it with their malicious, evil words. I was oblivious to this, because being exposed to negativity, over a long period of time, made me think I was worthless.  I couldn't see beyond the false image created by another person. 

People would doubt me because evil was planted in their minds by bitter people. The ignorance of these happenings caused me to be controlled by another person's hate for me. It also allowed me to be controlled by my own insecurities. I would try to please others and I felt so rejected when they wouldn't extend acceptance. Now I see, I was working against an image created by a bitter person. An image that was not real, but somehow I submitted to it. This is not and was not a life worth living!

Confronting bitter people is not always easy, but necessary to have a life worth living. This is one of the simple keys to living an Empowered life. Here are some ways for you to deal with bitter people:

1. Remove them from your life all together!-If you have the ability to not speak to people who sabotage you do it! Allowing your life to be contaminated is just wrong. You are amazing and the sooner you remove bitter people, the sooner you will see it for yourself!
2. Build Your Confidence!- Fill your life with information that affirms the greatness in you! Listening to negative people brings you down. Being around others that intentionally come against you steals your positive thoughts about yourself. It is important to not only take self confidence building information in, but believe it to be true. You are an amazing person and you are capable of doing exceptional things!
3. Don't Live Down to Bad Expectations- God created you in His image and living down to others expectations gives others undeserved power in your life. Why should any man have the power to design your life. God made you and He made you great!
4. Never Give Up on Your Dreams!- Your dreams are precious! Protect them, believe in them and allow them to fuel your personal success! As Justin Bieber says "Never Say Never!"　

images via weheartit.com, markdworkin.com via Google images

2011, The Year in Review!

2011 has been an amazing year! I lived my first year after the death of my mother and I lived My first year after the death of my first career.  Well maybe my second career.  My first and ongoing career is motherhood.

These deaths were painful and put me in a position to draw upon a glimmering light of inspiration. I began 2011 determined to live the heart of my dreams.  This gave me energy to move forward, because I felt really hopeless at times.  I think I was successful, but as usual only God knows how life will unfold.

One of my hearts desires in 2011 was to be an entrepreneur. This dream was realized and I had many early successes! As my need for doing things correctly and in order would have it, I had to get additional education. The education I am enjoying, but it is taking my business three steps backwards, before it goes forward!

I believe my training is necessary. I am going with the flow, although it is frustrating. The term bitter sweet is very appropriate.

The other most significant event occurred in my spiritual life. My desire to live without denial has created a distance between me and the church (building). I have already written about the behaviors I disagree with in church, but now my disagreement, even anger is directed at the establishment itself.

One of my goals in 2012 is to find Biblical answers to the problems I have with church (the building). I will share more about this in future posts.

Overall 2011 has been a phenomenal year! I have grown, learned and looked fear in the face and said, "Step the f--- off!" I am excited to step into a new year and be apart of everything that God has waiting for me.  Empowerment is exhilarating!

I have made up my mind to make 2012 a year with NO LIMITS!!!! How are you going to live 2012?

Make some long and short terms goals and live each one of the 365 ahead to make them a reality!
photo via tomatotalk.earthfare.com via Google images

Remembering 9/11- 10 Years Later

I feel such sadness remembering 9/11.  Even as I write this article my eyes are filled with tears. 

The days prior to this infamous anniversary, I debated if I would watch programs of the horrible footage.  I struggled with even allowing my mind to ponder the somber realities of death and shattered lives.

In the end I decided I must be true to myself and my country.  I am remembering 9/11 and it hurts like hell. 

I think I am crying more today, then I did 10 years ago.  10 years ago it seemed that the world just stopped.  The only thing I wanted was my daughter in my arms and to be in front of the television.  As the years have passed our country has and continues to rebuild itself.  I feel safer walking down the street, but I remember being frighted to open my mail or ofgoing into large public building.  Time has a strange way of soothing pain and erasing fear.

If you are remembering 9/11 today it is okay to cry.  It is okay to be angry and it is even okay to smile.  Take your energy and put into something positive.  Here are a few suggestions.

1. Thank a soldier
2. Donate your time or money to a 9/11 charity
3. Call a friend and share your feelings
4. Pray
5. Get more involved with politics
6. Write a letter to a soldier
7. Thank God that America is still standing!

God Bless America!
photo via uncoverage.net via Google images

Unfinished Business- Having Really Hard and Sometimes Scary Conversations

It is difficult to be around people that stir feelings of anger, pain, grief or feelings of resentment within you.  There is usually tension in the air, very little trust and resolving simple day to day happenings seems impossible.  These situations can occur in our lives because of unfinished business. 

I got this epiphany while watching Oprah, Behind the Scenes.  One of her guests was late and caused the staff to make arrangements with other guests and audiences.  It was a big mess because other obstacles presented themselves.  This caused a rift between Oprah and the guest because Oprah did not understand why her guest would cause these problems.  Oprah confronted her guest, off camera, and got the answers she needed to be at peace.  They proceeded to have a good show and positive relationship after the show.

This situation really resonated with me.  I thought how many times have I let people hurt me and never say anything.  I have to continue to be around some of these people and the relationship goes to crap!  I do not trust the person and everything they do is perceived to be a personal attack.  The other person probably has harsh feelings towards me as well.  How can you trust someone that is withholding and gives you phony smiles.

How much wasted time and energy!  It can be very frightening to confront people when they offend you.  You are unsure of how they will react, and most times you just want people to like you.  The problem is the unresolved feelings do not go away!  They fester and grow into bigger problems and eventually the relationship is destroyed.

Taking a swallow and a deep breath, then going forward to discuss your feelings is purifying!  It allows you to let go of negative energy and do something constructive.  What you are really doing is creating an environment of understanding.  When people understand each other relationships grow and prosper.  Take care of your unfinished business and hurt feelings with others!  A power nugget to living an Empowered life!
photo via: miladayteam.blogspot.com via Google images

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 2

Bulling is a degrading experience.  It steals your joy and power from your presence.  It is a wicked exchange that takes place between a bully and a victim.  A bully strips their prey of dignity and weaves it into their being.  They wear it as an invisible badge of authority and use it as a license to continually oppress their victim.  Victims in return become an emotional and physical trash dump.  They become a release for the psychological and emotional pain of their abuser.  The more the bully dumps on the victim, the more the bully hates the victim.  After all, who likes trash?

As a victim of bullying you begin to really feel worthless.  People turn up their noses at you.  They laugh at you when they pass you.  People are constantly talking behind your back and spreading false rumors.  Bullying can become physical as well.  Victims can be pushed, pulled, spit at and beat up.  Victims become the butt of every joke and called dehumanizing names.  Can you imagine spending your work day like this?  Can you imagine going to school and knowing you will be humiliated for 7 straight hours?  What about the battered spouse?  Can  you imagine living with a person or people that treat you like an insignificant slave without feelings?  This is the existence of millions of people around the world.

A Piece of My Story

My bullying experience began at a young age.  I was teased for many different reasons.  Of course this gave me many reasons to doubt myself and my significance as a person of influence.  My black so-called friends teased me for not being black enough.  My speech was too proper and my name brand clothing was not always correct.  My hair was too short and my butt was too flat.  It is extremely difficult to defend yourself when you believe what people are saying.  It is hard to believe you are okay, when you are told on a daily basis you are inferior!

This constant attack on my appearance made me believe I was ugly.  I dated guys that were losers because I was completely confused about my value.  The guys I really wanted I never pursued because I thought they would never want someone as terrible as me.  Bullying is such a deceitful lie.  It robs you of a good life because you think you do not deserve one.  

I was a person split in the middle.  I had completely separated myself from my emotions.  It was as if I lived an outer body experience.  A great deal of my pain came from being raped.  Rape is the sickest act a bully can perpetrate.  This was an event that I blacked out for many years because it was too traumatic to face.  A person I trusted violated me and shattered my soul in one act.  This lead to drinking at the young age of 12.  Needless to say my drinking and shattered soul made me a prime target for bullies.  I needed someone to care, but all I found was more evidence of my uselessness.

These awful acts happening at such an early age never gave me a chance to form boundaries. I allowed people to continually violate me because I never thought I had a choice.  Eventually you stop fighting when you think you are in a losing battle.
 

One of the best ways to take back your power is by setting boundaries.  Boundaries are not walls, they are safety markers to keep you safe.  You have a right to protect yourself when someone comes into your space uninvited.

If you have been bullied forgive yourself.  If you have been doing things or have done things you are not proud of it was only for protection.  We are going to discuss healthy ways of coping as we continue in this series. 

A Tough Reality

The victim and the bully share a dark, sick relationship.  They both share intimate secrets neither wants anyone to know.  The person being bullied is humiliated and hides the secrets of their experience.  The person doing the bullying is ashamed and does not want anyone to know their true, ugly identity.  It is a strange and morbid connection that is difficult to break.  Years after the bullying has stopped the mental chains of worthlessness interfere with a victims well-being.  Bullies move on and find other people to trash.  The cycle continues for both the bully and victim until they decide to take control of their lives.  

Anti-Bullying Programs

The Trevor Project- a hot line and organization for lesbian and gay youth and people.

Bully Online.org- workplace bully resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
photos via: hubpages.com, myhomeschool.blogspot.com, accura-marketing.com via Google images. 

Changing a Bad Situation by Changing Yourself

Bad situations in life usually begin with a relationship.  Conflict with a co-worker, a bad marriage, disrespectful children or even money problems involve you and/or at least one other person.  Changing a bad situation is not always simple.  It involves confronting deep inner fears and taking action. 

Most people are familiar with the concept of self-change for better results.  But, is that really what is happening?  Deciding to change does not mean other people to follow your lead.  Making an effort to be nice to co-worker, does not require the other person's participation.  Changing yourself means just that, change without any expectation or participation from others.  There is nothing wrong with hoping things get better, but the other person or people may not have the same desires. 

Focusing on self-change means creating boundaries, making construction decisions and taking a NEW direction.  Let's really be Empowered by expecting the best out of ourselves without any expectations from others.  

photo via: nurturingyoursuccessblog.com

Finding Balance as a Single Parent

Being a single parent is a very unique challenge.  The responsibility of creating a home where the emotional, financial, social, physical and spiritual needs of a family are fulfilled is difficult.  These needs have to be maintained on a daily basis for the well-being of your children and self.  Finding balance a as single mom or dad is an essential survival tool. 

"Put on your gas mask first!"  These are standard instructions given on every airline flight.  If you are unable to remain conscious, how can you help your neighbor?  The same rules apply in single parenting.  Living a balanced life allows a single parent to succeed in all areas of life without burning out.

I have been a single parent since my daughter was a baby.  When I was married my focus was on raising my daughter and keeping a good household.  My direction changed as a single person.  I began to think about my career more, I spent a lot of time and energy dating and I was constantly concerned with paying bills.  My daughter was no longer my only priority.  I set everything as a priority and eventually I was falling short on everything.  Especially in giving my daughter the attention she needed.

As I reflect the best time I had as a single parent was simply working and taking care of my daughter. I had a semester off of school and I decided to stop dating. I became a full-time mom.  I cooked, did homework with my daughter, kept the house clean, spent time with friends and even smiled.  I was not even stressed.  My life was balanced because it was not filled with competing projects.  I could enjoy the joys of life without feeling guilty for neglecting my daughter.  My daughter was happier as well.  As I eased into the next semester of school after taking one off, I felt refreshed.  It was not long that I began to feel the same pressures of being pulled in too many directions.  My life was out of balance.

Since that time I have continued to raise my daughter, go to school and work.  I continued with my decision to stop dating, but I was still spread too thin.  I have learned it would have been better to focus on the most important things in my life. I should have picked school or work, the two of them together was too much.  Recognizing and honoring my limitations would have allowed my family to experience more joy and overall well-being. 

I know there are a lot of single parents trying to live balanced lives.  Here are some suggestions.

1. Slow down.  You may have a lot of goals.  Trying to accomplish them all at once or within a short span of time is unhealthy.  Life passes you by and time with your children is lost.  Creating longer timeliness and having patience is a sure winner. 
2. To date or not to date, that is the question.  Dating in today's world is scary.  You hear of children being molested by the significant other of a parent.  You hear countless stories of domestic violence and stalking.  Finding a good partner is not easy.  Decide if you really want to put your energy into something that will be there when the children are adults.  If you do date, try to come up with a plan that takes minimal time away from your family.
3. Take time out for yourself.  Exercise, take a cooking class, join a bowling league whatever gives you the ability to get away and relieve stress.  Your soul needs time for itself.  You are still an individual.
4. Prioritize your life.  If you are run down and stressed out you may have to give something up.  It is easy to be greedy and go for everything that your heart desires.  Just like eating too much candy you get sick.  I have found that raising your children and pursuing one big goal is more than enough.  If you are a smart planner you may be able to kill two birds with one stone.
5. Children grow up.  You will have an empty nest soon enough.  Then you can do almost anything you want.  Just plan and save.  

Parenting is a sacrifice.  You give up some of the things that you want to care for your offspring.  Accept and embrace the fullness of single-parenthood.  The sooner you realize the reality of being a single parent, the sooner you can live the fullest balanced life available!  
photos via: blog.myfacefile.com, beingamomisgreat.wordpress.com, challengeprepcharter.info via Google images 

The Rebirth of a Powerful You!

Sometimes you can alienate yourself from the life that surrounds you.  The pain of past and possibly even current events subconsciously builds invisible walls of protection.  The isolation that befriends you begins to draw loneliness and fear as compatible companions.  The lack of good companionship begins the self talk of you are not good enough.  Before you know it, you are alone or with people that have given into bitterness.  Your relationships are not fulfilling and you can not seem to get out of your rut.

It is not impossible to break out of your shell.  You do not have to live a life with mediocre or turbulent relationships that hurt.  You have to first be ready for a change and reach out of your comfort zone of misery.  The victim has to die and the powerful you has to be reborn. 

These changes do not have to occur overnight.  Take it a little at a time.  Try standing up to a bully.  Try wearing the outfit you really like, but are afraid to be criticized.  Try asking your crush out on a date.  Try being happy and thinking positive about your future.  Your destiny is in your hands and no one has the power to steal it from you.  All you have to do is get back up when you fall! 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life!
photos via: gchosp.org, teenesteemcouncil.com

The Ugly People You Meet Attending Church!

The people you meet attending church are not all nice.  As a new believer nothing was better than attending church.  Worshiping God with fellow believers was amazing.  I was apart of some really great ministries and I was filled with hope each Sunday.  I loved being in church.  I went at least twice a week and two times on Sunday!  I was filled with enthusiasm, curiosity and passion for my church and church family.  Then I met the 'ugly' people.

The people who smile in your face and then stab you in the back!  These ugly people really go to church!  I met the people that gossip and spread rumors.  I could not believe Christians could be that terrible.  I met the Christians that have sex with everyone they can and go to church and pretend they are spending their nights in prayer.  I met the hypocrites that destroy peoples lives all week and sing in the choir on Sunday. 

A transition in leadership and a connection to a mentally ill individual changed everything.  A church that was once filled with caring and community turned greedy.  Money and power became more desirable than love and support.  It was justified with the word of God and harsh treatment to anyone that did not "fit in."  The ugly people took over and their crew stunk!

For months I denied how things had changed.  The pastor shouted from the pulpit "you came here for the word of God, forget about sister so and so."  "Stay at the church God has planted you, it doesn't matter if its hard."  I told myself this over and over as I ignored the harsh treatment from my Christian brothers and sisters.  I prayed, I cried, I broke down in service when the treatment became to much to bear.  I was tortured and I still do not know why.  My clothes were criticized, my make-up was scrutinized, my daughter was teased and security constantly eyed me.  What ever these people thought of me was never brought to my attention.  They had to think I was wicked to be treated with such disgust.  But to my frustration I was never confronted, at least I could have defended myself and clarified suspicions.  Nothing but cruelty.  Nothing but the cold shoulder.  Nothing but mean looks and superior glances. 

I finally got a chance to meet with my pastor after months of rejection.  I asked him if there was a problem and he denied anything.  I was too afraid, hurt and ashamed to discuss the treatment I felt coming from him and the church.  It was easier to take his word and try to move forward.  The treatment did not stop and I decided enough is enough.  I'd had enough abuse.

After 4 years of hell I left the church.  I prayed to God and asked why these people treated me with such cruelty.  I did not do anything to deserve the mess they dealt out to me.  Then one day I got up and went to a different church.  This was months later and I was gun shy.  It was exactly what the doctor ordered.  I was loved and accepted.  This church helped to heal the pains of spiritual abuse inflicted by my former pastor and church.  But as I healed and some incidents occurred I yearned for more!  What happened to the church?

As I reflect on these events I feel it is important to share my thoughts.  New Christians deserve to know everyone attending church is not nice.  There are some real ugly people that will treat you like crap.  All Christians need to know their behavior inside and out of church can rip and tear the souls of many.  Non-Christians need to know Christians are not perfect, but the ones acting like devils do not represent all.  Pastors need to know the devastation bad behavior creates.  Those of you that have been hurt in church, you are not alone. 

The Things I Have Learned

1. Stop Judging!  Being a Christian does not give you the right to look down on others.  Discriminating against people based on their clothes, finances, personal appearance and zip code is cruel.  Every person has a story take the time to listen and give the love of Christ.  Withholding love based on your estimation of who has earned it is arrogant and just plain wrong.  Giving charity does not mean you gave love!  Telling someone how to live their life certainly does not mean you helped them. 
2. If you are being treated like crap leave!  No one should be treated like trash.  Superior attitudes based on the acceptance of man is nonsense.  People change like the wind and trying to meet their standards is grueling.  Find out who you are and accept yourself!  You can not define yourself by anyone's standards, not even the pastor.  
3. Giving money is a personal choice.  Churches need money to survive.  The pastor spends a lot of time helping his flock and should be compensated.  But being manipulated into giving is wrong.  Giving large amounts of money does not mean God is going to bless you more.  Only give large amounts when prompted by God.  If you want to help pay for church expenses because the pastor asked, its okay.  It is not okay for the pastor to say you should be ashamed if you do not help.  There is a definite spiritual law to giving but allow God to reveal it to you in His time.  If the pastor is telling you that you are missing out on anything because you do not give $20 when he asks, there is something wrong.  Different views on tithing exist today.  Study the word of God and decide for yourself.
4. Everyone in church is not there to worship.  Many people go to church because it is fashionable.  They quote the scripture and say "have a blessed day," but their hearts are cruel.  They are hateful people and do terrible things, inside and outside of church.  Giving someone automatic trust because they attend your church is a mistake.  They should earn it like anyone else.  This includes the pastor, his wife and their children.  
5. Know yourself and stop trying to figure out everyone else.  Act from your truth and not one imposed on you by another man.  
6. Learn the meaning of the Bible yourself.  Everything coming from the pulpit is not truth.  Read your Bible and ask God to reveal His truth to you.  Do not depend on another person's understanding unless they have gained your trust.  If you are able to see the flaws in your husband or wife, why can you not see them in the pastor.  They are human and can err.  Make sure the teaching you are hearing is really what you believe.  God gave us a brain to think with, us it!
7. If someone is giving you damaging information about another person, ask!  Ask the person that was drug through the mud if the information is true.  If you do not have the nerve to get the truth, do not treat them poorly based on a lie.  You would not want this to happen to you.  Learn how to ask and involve all parties.  If the person giving the information says its a secret, I can almost guarantee they are liars! 
8. Enjoy the journey and always continue to grow.  You can not let ugly people ruin your good thing.  Find another location, ignore them if you can but do not allow ugly people to tear you away from God. 

As I think about the headlines, I guess the people I have met are not that incredible.  Jimmy Swaggart, Ted Haggard and Jim Bakker were powerful men of God.  They influenced millions of people and raised millions of dollars in the name of the Lord.  I can not speak for these men, but if they are truly remorseful, I think they would say: "Getting caught was the best thing that ever happened to me." 
photos via: tscnyc.org, grannystandingfortruth.blogspot.com, banklawyersblog.com, churchloan.net

A Better Sex Life- Turn Up The Heat in Your Love Life

A great sex life is something most people desire.  To have a person who makes you shake with excitement when they are around is a gift from heaven.  Never being too tired to make love because you get a burst of energy when you are in each others presence is intoxicating.  This does not just happen in movies or to the perfect couple across the street.  It can happen in your relationship.  Sex can reach its ultimate climax within the safety of pure commitment. 

What are the ingredients of a real commitment?  I know you have heard the following words before, but probably not in the context of sex.  These are the elements that create a spectacular sex life: love, trust, intimacy, honesty, vulnerability and belief.  If you can use these words to describe your relationship, chances are you have a good sex life. 

It is unfortunate that in today's climate sex is glamorized in the midst of drinking, immoral behavior and multiple partners.  This type of lifestyle leaves a person empty at the end of day.  Usually searching for another drink to drown the loneliness and shame of the night before.  In my opinion this is not a good sex life.  It is a life filled with mechanical experiences that may satisfy the body, but not your soul.

A good sex life happens when one soul connects with another.  It happens when all of the fake facades are buried and the authentic self is accepted in the safety of love.  If you are single get rid of the games and stop dating anyone that is playing them.  If you are married it is time to go to the next level and find that secret place.

Here are Some Sex Quizzes

The Ultimate Sex Quiz 

Problems in Bed? A Sex Quiz for Women

Sex Issues Quiz- Orange County Counseling 

Are You Lousy In Bed? Quiz: Men's Health

Life, Love, Sex and Relationship Quizzes   

 

Discovering true intimacy can be scary.  Allowing yourself to be transparent with another person requires courage.  Take things slow.  Read books about intimacy and sex together.  Most importantly take this journey together.  If your partner is not willing to join you in this journey seriously consider if the timing is right. 

Routine Physicals Save Lives

It is very easy to avoid going to the doctor.  Who wants another bill?  Who wants bad news? Who needs another shot?  No one.  But having regular check-ups can help you maintain good health.  Regular exams will help identify health concerns such as hypertension, diabetes and possibly even cancer.


Some people do not go to the doctor because they are uninsured.  It is expensive to have a health examination.  The cost can be tripled, at least when you consider the entire family.  However, neglected health problems can be far more expensive; not only financially, but emotionally.  Diabetics can lose limbs, untreated cancer can take your life and heart problems can steal your independence.

Psalm 23- A Reason to Stop Worrying

The Lord is My shepherd;

I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul;

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil;

For You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil;

My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy

shall follow me

all the days of my life;

And I will dwell

in the house of the Lord

Forever.

This psalm is a common passage of scripture, but many times the power of this prayer escapes us.  As I contemplated this scripture I was taken by exactly what God does in my life.  The scripture begins with an acknowledgment of God being the shepherd of life and a confidence in knowing every need will be fulfilled.  There is never a reason for me to worry.  God will take care of me because I call Him Lord.  

I have waited for people to step in and save me when times were hard.  I did not know how I was going to manage on my own, and desperately wanted and waited for someone to take away my pain.  All I had to do was handle the situation to the best of my ability and not worry.  God was always working on my behalf and continues to meet my needs.  Every trouble I had, He brought me through.  

God makes me, He leads me, He restores me all for His name's sake.  That means God is not worried about how many times I mess up.  He acts on my behalf based on His name!  The name that is above all names!  I do not ever have to work to be good enough for God. 

God reassures me in this scripture.   He says even when I am in really bad places I do not have to be afraid.  He will always comfort me.  The other wonderful thing God does for me, He gives me wonderful blessings when my enemies are looking.  No matter how hard a person tries to hurt and harm me, God blesses me.  This lets them and me know who is really controlling my life.  I am continually blessed.  

Sometimes it seems that nothing but trouble follows me.  This is not true.  God says Goodness and mercy follow me all the days of my life.  It is okay to think about good things and anticipate them.  I will not be jinxed!  God says this is what follows me and I will dwell in His house FOREVER!  

photos via: newseed.wordpress.com, freerepublic.com via Google images

Healthy Eating and Exercise- Why Wait for The New Year?

I have been in this struggle for many years and this year I am determined to win!  I know many of you have the same battle, but how can we win with busy schedules?  What about the cravings?  How can I claim a healthy lifestyle when part of it is out of balance?  I feel guilty about the broken promises to myself, especially when I have won this battle in the past.  This is it!  I am going to eat healthier and exercise! 

When I manage to accomplish the task of eating healthy I always feel better!  I have more energy, I am focused and I am more confident.  How can all of these good things be lost to my appetite for fast food?  When I examine this illogical behavior it becomes painfully clear...

1. I am always rushing
2. It is easier to eat fast food, than cook a good meal
3. Old habits are hard to break
4. I do not plan to eat, it just happens when I get hungry

I have to admit, I am not overweight and this can be deceiving.  I look decent on the outside, but I am more concerned about what is happening on the inside.  I want to be able to climb a flight of stairs without feeling winded!  The only way to accomplish this goal is to expand my healthy lifestyle.  I could start the first of the year, but I think it is best to begin now.  I have been looking at some diets, but they say diets are not good.  I got some advice from one of my physically fit friends, DeShawn Ray Penman.  He said I should start with no sugar and no bread for 90 days!  Yikes! 

What is a junk food junkie to do?  I am starting off slow!  I think the way for me to be successful is to plan my meals out.  I have been looking at the healthy eating websites and some of the meals are not very appetizing.  I can not imagine myself eating goat cheese tacos, yuck!  I have decided to following the recommendations of The American Heart Association.  I have a family history of diabetes and heart problems.  Why not be proactive!

The American Heart Association has a really great tool.  It helps you build your grocery shopping list with healthy food choices.  It is called "My Grocery List."  I have learned that as much as I love cheese, it is best to get lactose free brands.  This is going to be a tough adjustment, but I am going for it!

I will keep you updated.
photos via: womanshealthmag.com, buzzle.com via google images. 

Low Self-Esteem, Kiss My @$$!

I listen to my readers.  This article was written because a reader requested the topic:
What is self-esteem?  This is how Webster defines it: 1. a confidence and satisfaction in oneself: self-respect. 

Let's take a look at what this definition is trying to convey.  A certainty in one's being, a faith and enjoyment in yourself or maybe a more tangible way to understand this concept is a form of measurement.  Self-esteem is the term used to communicate to others how you feel about yourself or how others describe your value of self.  In other words if someone says to you "Dominic has a lot of self-esteem" you now have a piece of information about Dominic.  How do you think of people described with low or high self-esteem?

Here is the problem with self-esteem, it does not have the credence many people invest in its worth.  Self-esteem is not the determining factor that guarantees a successful life.  The strongest correlation they discovered between self-esteem and quality of life, was happiness (Baumeister, Campbell, Krueger and Vohs 2003).  This is not to say self-esteem is not important, it is very important.  Happiness is important as well, but self-esteem and happiness are end results.  Chicken, asparagus and rice make an excellent dinner, but they must be prepared.  The chicken has to be seasoned and baked, the asparagus steamed and the rice cooked for supper to be satisfying.  Now let's go back to Self-esteem!  There are many ingredients that lead to good self-esteem, without them the end result lacks its full flavor. 

What does this mean for you?  It means that examining more factors than self-esteem provides you with a realistic idea of how to improve your quality of life.  Self-esteem is a quantitative measure and many times you compare yourself to others and determine you are somehow insufficient.  The deceptive answer to your comparison is normally based on your over assessment of someone else's happiness.  You think about how your mother raised three kids and maintained a clean house, when comparing your children and home to hers they always fall short.  You think about your best friend and how wonderful her husband treats her, then you compare your husband to him, and he falls short.  What about glamorous Hollywood stars, or the dad's that seem to be better fathers because they provide more entertainment and clothes.  These constant comparisons are a set up for failure.

To understand your self value and begin to make changes for a better quality of life, get to know yourself.  You do this by spending time with yourself and determining what you want to change, improve, keep and completely remove from your life.  A Christ-centered assessment used by some Christian counselors looks at these areas of life: behavior, emotions, cognition (what do you think about), health, religion, idols and false beliefs (the things you place above God), substances (prescribed and illicit drugs), teachable (how willing are you to change), law and ethics (are you in danger of self or others), interpersonal relationships, knowledge (do you have the correct information to change) and environment (Clinton and Ohlschlager 2002).  This list can be overwhelming, but taking one area at a time will allow you to know you.  Spend a week to two on each area and journal your findings.  If you find you need more time take it. 

This sounds like a lot of time and work, but you do have a choice.  You can float through life lost and confused or go through life with purpose and intention.  Learning who you are and then doing what you were created for is self-esteem to the third power!

One last thought I'd like to leave you with, you are okay.  All of us are on a journey and none of us is perfect!  As a matter of fact, none of us will ever reach perfection.  Accepting yourself for who you are and where you are is the beginning of Empowered Peace! 

References

Baumeister, R., Campbell, J., Krueger, J., & Vohs, K. (2003). Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles?. Psychological Science in the Public Interest (Wiley-Blackwell), 4(1), 1-44. doi:10.1111/1529-1006.01431.

Clinton, Timothy and George Ohlschlager. (2002). Competent Christian Counseling, Volume One, Foundations and Practice of Compassionate Soul Care; Colorado Springs, Colorado: WaterBrook Press. 

Resources

The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance (insightful article)

Never Good Enough (insightful article)

Divine Caroline (excellent website with valuable self-help information)

Daily Affirmations: Science of Mind

Daily Affirmations (various categories of affirmations i.e. career, weight loss, etc.)

SelfGrowth.com

Self-Esteem (an article at Livestrong.com with excellent resources)

Additional Resources:



Hakuna Matata, It Means a LOT of Worries for the Rest of Your Life

As I feel asleep the other evening I prayed to God about a reoccurring situation in my life.  It has plagued me from childhood and has not given me rest for over 30 years!  I've prayed about this situation many times over the years and I have asked God to take away this horrible happening that comes over and over again.  I have had periods of rest and even joy and happiness, but they are always short lived.  I would always be waiting in the back of my mind for the trouble to come and steal my happiness.

You see I have always had  barriers to my successes.  I have not yet tasted the fullness of my destiny and as I went to sleep the other day, God showed me to myself.  He explained to me very clearly, through  different Disney characters the circle of my life.  It seems strange I know, but I have learned to trust God when He speaks to me, no matter how peculiar it seems.  God has not led me astray yet!

God showed me this happening in my life was fear.  The Lion King was particularly relevant to the unfolding of this epiphany.  I watched The Lion King again before writing this post and the reality of my error was clear. 

Simba, the main character in The Lion King, suffered a great trauma when he was a child.  His dad was violently murdered by his brother Scar and Scar then blamed Simba, his nephew, for the murder.  Scar encouraged Simba to run away as the solution to his problem.  When Simba ran away he was befriended by two outcasts named Timon and Pumbaa.  Their philosophy for life was of course, Hakuna Matata!

Hakuna Matata is a slogan that represents a problem free life.  Timon advised Simba "when the world turns its back on you, (you should) turn your back on the world."  There are many problems with this philosophy.  The first problem is your state of denial.  You are forced the believe your life is perfect and ignore an emptiness inside of you that cries out to be filled.  You can not turn your back on the world and expect to fulfill your dreams.  The world needs you to contribute your gifts in a constructive manner.  When you reject the world people in need of your contributions lack and suffer.  You put yourself in a position that forces you to throw away your dreams because your dreams are fulfilled by touching the world around you.

The second problem with this mentality are the limitations you place on your creative being.  The world needs you to be you!  Not Barack Obama or Mother Theresa, it needs you because God created you with a specific plan and purpose.  Hukuna Matata means you are selfish and self-centered because you choose not to care about the world around you.  You intentionally desire the world to feel the pain and rejection you have inside.  You also devalue your entire existence.  If you really knew how priceless you were, you would never think of yourself, only others.

Scar represents many aspects of a stagnant life.  For me he represents fear.  What does he represent to you?  The only way to live a life of Empowered Peace is to confront your "Scar."  The scenario that plays itself over and over in your life will continue to occur until you deal with your internal Scar. 

Confronting your inner demons can be intimidating to say the least.  But it is possible and more importantly it is freedom! 

photos via: unrealitymag.com and lionking.org via google images.

video via: The Dockeeping Channel on YouTube (great video's here)

20 Ways You and Kim Clijsters Can Say I "Love" You Without Speaking the Words

via google images

Saying I love you to someone special is a gift.  It is easy to forget the value of love in the busy day to day activities of life.  Working, raising children, pursuing personal goals and caring for the sick often overshadow the needs of your partner.  I encourage you to stop and remember the precious person that you love and loves you back.

Falling in love is one of the most beautiful events in life.  It fills your being with hope, joy and meaning.  Love is certainly something that gives quality to life.  So in honor of the gift of love, here are 20 ways to say I love without using words.

photo via

1. Stare lovingly into your loves eyes.
2. Send a hand written love letter expressing your feelings.
3. Remember something special your love talks about and find a way to fill their request.
4. Ask them to dance when you are at home and no one else is around.
5. Wear something really nice.
6. Have their favorite radio station dedicate a song to them from you.
7. Clean the house.
8. Get a babysitter for the kids and reconnect with your love.
9. Write them a poem.
10. Fill up their gas tank and get their car washed.
11. Give your love a soft romantic kiss at an unexpected time.
12. Invite them out with your friends.
13. Sing a love song to them, even if you can not sing.
14. Hold their hand while you are watching a movie.
15. Say you are sorry for all the times you ever hurt them or left them alone.
16. Let your love have the television remote control for the weekend.
17. Stop what you are doing when your love talks and really listen.
18. Clean up their mess instead of yelling.
19. Acknowledge the kind things they have done for you since you have known them.
20. Pray for your love.

Now say,

photo via

Love Resources

 Does Falling in Love Make Us More Creative? (a scientific look at love)

The Love Calculator (find the chances of love between you and a dream partner)

Lovingyou.com (love, relationship and romance resources, packed with great information)

Kim Clijsters Website/Blog

Weekend Getaways (Marriott Romance Packages)

Great Love Stories

Workplace Worries and Badly Behaving Bullies



photo via

 The workplace is the second, if not the first home to a majority of working people.  Your job can be full of good friends, supportive supervisors and friendly potlucks but increasingly the workplace has become a war zone.  Employers and employees alike actively seek out individuals to harass and humiliate.  This terrorist mentality causes absenteeism, medical expenses, mental and emotional exhaustion, lower wages, character assassination and termination of employment.  According to Time Magazine many states are following the lead of New York's Healthy Workplace Bill and cracking down on workplace violence. 

Bullycide

The media is not at a loss for stories about bullying.  In fact, a new term has been created for the act of suicide caused by bullying, "Bullycide."  Here are some of the victims: Phoebe Prince, Megan Meier, Karl Peart, Gemma Dimmick, Jodie Zebell and Brodie Panlock just to name a few.  These people were called names, the subject of gossip, victimized by vicious rumors and continually made to feel unworthy by their bullies.  The continual marginalization and the increased power of the bully became overwhelming and they eventually committed suicide.  They were finally convinced that what the bullies said was true and there was not any help or hope to fix things.  This is such a sick travesty, bullies actually enjoy the pain of their victims.  Chances are you have been a victim, are a victim or know someone that has been or is being victimized.  I want you to know you are not alone.



photo via

Why Do People Bully?

• 
  
  Fear:  People are afraid of many things.  Job loss in today's economy is certainly one of them.  People who are working are willing to use unethical means to keep their jobs.  This is unfortunate and many times fear comes in the form of bullying and a mentality of "only the strong survive." 
• Insecurity: Many people are insecure and anyone they perceive as capable of 'getting ahead' of them is a target. 
• 
  
  Jealousy: Old fashioned jealousy fumes many flames.  A lack of values, misdirection and unrealistic expectations lead people to hate others.  The hate comes from feeling they deserve something more and proceed to take it from another person.
• 
  
  Power: How seductive is power?  Power used in the wrong way creates bullying.  
• 
  
  Control: Bullies like to have control over everything, especially the life of their victim.  They are unable to maintain a peace of mind without suppressing their victim, the person becomes as a possession or toy.  Managing their own lives would require introspection and most bullies feel it is too painful or scary to face their demons. 

How to Survive Your Bully



photo via



You can allow bullies to steal your peace and joy.  This is a spiritual poison that breaks the heart of many lost souls.  Continued exposure to this behavior can make you sad, discouraged, depressed, anxious, distracted and unproductive.  The best way to handle a bully is to minimize these effects.  You have to find a positive in-flow to counteract their negativity.  Religion, friends, prayer, worship, arts and crafts and spiritual renewal are all examples of positive actions.  You may feel like giving up or not participating but these things help!

• 
  
  Take notes of the activity happening at work.  Use this information wisely and at the right time.
• 
  
  Don't allow the bully's rumors and lies to define who you are.  Read affirmations and repeat them to remind yourself of your value.
• 
  
  Confront your bully with a calm ethic.  Yelling or bad behavior will only get you in trouble and make your bully's lies more believable.
• 
  
  Report this activity to human resources.  Tell them about the hostile environment your bully is causing and ask for help.
• 
  
  Educate yourself about workplace bullying and find a support group.
• 
  
  Consult an attorney.
• 
  
  Ride out the storm.  From a spiritual perspective, some lessons are taught over and over again until you walk completely through the situation.  This can be scary and very uncomfortable, but by educating yourself on your situation, prayer and acting with integrity you can win. 
• 
  
  Never give up!

!!!Special Note!!!

This is to all of you who see someone being victimized and harassed at work.  SAY SOMETHING!!!  Confront the bully, stick up for your co-worker and refuse to tolerate this nonsense.  Report the incidents to human resources and keep notes.  You do not want the guilt of thinking you could have done something when it is too late.



photo via



References

Case Study: New Laws Target Workplace Bullying

Why Do Women Bully Women in the Workplace? They're Easier Targets

Office Politics: How to Play the Game

When Co-workers Play Dirty

Careerbuilder.com- Career Resources

Resources

Workplace Bullying Institute

Stop Workplace Bullying!

Minding the Workplace

Kickbully- Where Your Fight Begins