Finding Balance as a Single Parent

Being a single parent is a very unique challenge.  The responsibility of creating a home where the emotional, financial, social, physical and spiritual needs of a family are fulfilled is difficult.  These needs have to be maintained on a daily basis for the well-being of your children and self.  Finding balance a as single mom or dad is an essential survival tool. 

"Put on your gas mask first!"  These are standard instructions given on every airline flight.  If you are unable to remain conscious, how can you help your neighbor?  The same rules apply in single parenting.  Living a balanced life allows a single parent to succeed in all areas of life without burning out.

I have been a single parent since my daughter was a baby.  When I was married my focus was on raising my daughter and keeping a good household.  My direction changed as a single person.  I began to think about my career more, I spent a lot of time and energy dating and I was constantly concerned with paying bills.  My daughter was no longer my only priority.  I set everything as a priority and eventually I was falling short on everything.  Especially in giving my daughter the attention she needed.

As I reflect the best time I had as a single parent was simply working and taking care of my daughter. I had a semester off of school and I decided to stop dating. I became a full-time mom.  I cooked, did homework with my daughter, kept the house clean, spent time with friends and even smiled.  I was not even stressed.  My life was balanced because it was not filled with competing projects.  I could enjoy the joys of life without feeling guilty for neglecting my daughter.  My daughter was happier as well.  As I eased into the next semester of school after taking one off, I felt refreshed.  It was not long that I began to feel the same pressures of being pulled in too many directions.  My life was out of balance.

Since that time I have continued to raise my daughter, go to school and work.  I continued with my decision to stop dating, but I was still spread too thin.  I have learned it would have been better to focus on the most important things in my life. I should have picked school or work, the two of them together was too much.  Recognizing and honoring my limitations would have allowed my family to experience more joy and overall well-being. 

I know there are a lot of single parents trying to live balanced lives.  Here are some suggestions.

1. Slow down.  You may have a lot of goals.  Trying to accomplish them all at once or within a short span of time is unhealthy.  Life passes you by and time with your children is lost.  Creating longer timeliness and having patience is a sure winner. 
2. To date or not to date, that is the question.  Dating in today's world is scary.  You hear of children being molested by the significant other of a parent.  You hear countless stories of domestic violence and stalking.  Finding a good partner is not easy.  Decide if you really want to put your energy into something that will be there when the children are adults.  If you do date, try to come up with a plan that takes minimal time away from your family.
3. Take time out for yourself.  Exercise, take a cooking class, join a bowling league whatever gives you the ability to get away and relieve stress.  Your soul needs time for itself.  You are still an individual.
4. Prioritize your life.  If you are run down and stressed out you may have to give something up.  It is easy to be greedy and go for everything that your heart desires.  Just like eating too much candy you get sick.  I have found that raising your children and pursuing one big goal is more than enough.  If you are a smart planner you may be able to kill two birds with one stone.
5. Children grow up.  You will have an empty nest soon enough.  Then you can do almost anything you want.  Just plan and save.  

Parenting is a sacrifice.  You give up some of the things that you want to care for your offspring.  Accept and embrace the fullness of single-parenthood.  The sooner you realize the reality of being a single parent, the sooner you can live the fullest balanced life available!  
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