Low Self-Esteem, Kiss My @$$!

I listen to my readers.  This article was written because a reader requested the topic:
What is self-esteem?  This is how Webster defines it: 1. a confidence and satisfaction in oneself: self-respect. 

Let's take a look at what this definition is trying to convey.  A certainty in one's being, a faith and enjoyment in yourself or maybe a more tangible way to understand this concept is a form of measurement.  Self-esteem is the term used to communicate to others how you feel about yourself or how others describe your value of self.  In other words if someone says to you "Dominic has a lot of self-esteem" you now have a piece of information about Dominic.  How do you think of people described with low or high self-esteem?

Here is the problem with self-esteem, it does not have the credence many people invest in its worth.  Self-esteem is not the determining factor that guarantees a successful life.  The strongest correlation they discovered between self-esteem and quality of life, was happiness (Baumeister, Campbell, Krueger and Vohs 2003).  This is not to say self-esteem is not important, it is very important.  Happiness is important as well, but self-esteem and happiness are end results.  Chicken, asparagus and rice make an excellent dinner, but they must be prepared.  The chicken has to be seasoned and baked, the asparagus steamed and the rice cooked for supper to be satisfying.  Now let's go back to Self-esteem!  There are many ingredients that lead to good self-esteem, without them the end result lacks its full flavor. 

What does this mean for you?  It means that examining more factors than self-esteem provides you with a realistic idea of how to improve your quality of life.  Self-esteem is a quantitative measure and many times you compare yourself to others and determine you are somehow insufficient.  The deceptive answer to your comparison is normally based on your over assessment of someone else's happiness.  You think about how your mother raised three kids and maintained a clean house, when comparing your children and home to hers they always fall short.  You think about your best friend and how wonderful her husband treats her, then you compare your husband to him, and he falls short.  What about glamorous Hollywood stars, or the dad's that seem to be better fathers because they provide more entertainment and clothes.  These constant comparisons are a set up for failure.

To understand your self value and begin to make changes for a better quality of life, get to know yourself.  You do this by spending time with yourself and determining what you want to change, improve, keep and completely remove from your life.  A Christ-centered assessment used by some Christian counselors looks at these areas of life: behavior, emotions, cognition (what do you think about), health, religion, idols and false beliefs (the things you place above God), substances (prescribed and illicit drugs), teachable (how willing are you to change), law and ethics (are you in danger of self or others), interpersonal relationships, knowledge (do you have the correct information to change) and environment (Clinton and Ohlschlager 2002).  This list can be overwhelming, but taking one area at a time will allow you to know you.  Spend a week to two on each area and journal your findings.  If you find you need more time take it. 

This sounds like a lot of time and work, but you do have a choice.  You can float through life lost and confused or go through life with purpose and intention.  Learning who you are and then doing what you were created for is self-esteem to the third power!

One last thought I'd like to leave you with, you are okay.  All of us are on a journey and none of us is perfect!  As a matter of fact, none of us will ever reach perfection.  Accepting yourself for who you are and where you are is the beginning of Empowered Peace! 

References

Baumeister, R., Campbell, J., Krueger, J., & Vohs, K. (2003). Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles?. Psychological Science in the Public Interest (Wiley-Blackwell), 4(1), 1-44. doi:10.1111/1529-1006.01431.

Clinton, Timothy and George Ohlschlager. (2002). Competent Christian Counseling, Volume One, Foundations and Practice of Compassionate Soul Care; Colorado Springs, Colorado: WaterBrook Press. 

Resources

The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance (insightful article)

Never Good Enough (insightful article)

Divine Caroline (excellent website with valuable self-help information)

Daily Affirmations: Science of Mind

Daily Affirmations (various categories of affirmations i.e. career, weight loss, etc.)

SelfGrowth.com

Self-Esteem (an article at Livestrong.com with excellent resources)

Additional Resources: