Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life- The Benefits of Positive Thinking

It is important to practice positive thinking.  I use the word practice because thinking positively takes active participation.   Allowing yourself to dwell on negative situations, outcomes and fears shapes you as a person.  How do you feel after you have been exposed to something that makes you happy?  You are usually happy, right?  Not if you continually focus on negativity.  It is difficult to embrace anything that is good.  You may smile, or even outwardly laugh, but inside you are an anxious, nervous mess waiting for something horrible to ruin your good thing.

Allowing yourself to think in a positive manner will change your perspective.  Continued practice can even re-frame your disposition.  I know that this is easier said than done, creating new habits is not as easy as eating cookies.  You may even need professional assistance to dissolve past trauma, but the results of a good attitude can Empower your life.  Here are some of the benefits.

1. You get to move past your circumstances.  You can either become a victim of your bad situation or use your situation to make you sharper.  Just as a body builder needs resistance to develop muscles... using the tool of positive thinking develops your ability to transcend adversity.
2. Your choices will build you up.  If you live in a negative, dark existence you will tend to act in that direction.  These actions will steal your motivation and destroy your hope.  However, if you think positive, you will build bridges that help you reach your goals. 
3. You become physically healthier.  Doctors continually remind their patients about stress.  It contributes to heart disease, hypertension and depression.  Simply changing your thoughts will increase your physical fitness (Mayo Clinic). 

I know that life can be tough.  I also know that being positive in some circumstance even seems impossible.  Yet, the best way to take control of your life is taking control of your thoughts.  Look fear in the face and claim your Peace! 
photos via: truth459.blogspot.com, optimist-optometrist.blogspot.com 

Reality Check: Your Teenager Could Be Suicidal- A Reader's Request

The subject of suicide is usually discussed after a tragic event.  The schools gather students, parents and counselor's together in an attempt to prevent lawsuits, follow protocol and to keep the loud opinionated parents quiet.  This sounds cynical, but where were these sessions of love when the victim needed help?  The schools and parents will say they were doing the best they could.  "We have a tight budget and can only provide limited services."  "We had to work and we did not know things were this bad."  "I knew he was upset, but I thought he would be okay."

As a parent, I have to admit, suicide is a subject that has rarely been covered.  I am a part of the majority and we think our children are perfect little angels.  We think our children never swear, use drugs, drink or have sex behind our backs.  It is this kind of thinking that puts our children in danger.  It is this kind of thinking that approves school budgets without proper support for our children.  It is this kind of thinking that makes it impossible to have honest conversations with ourselves, spouses, children, teachers and others.  We walk around with blinders on as our children are crumbling right in front of our eyes.

Center for Disease Control, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (2009)

13.8% of high school students have seriously considered attempting suicide
26.1% of high school students felt sad or hopeless.
10.9% of high school students made a plan of how they were going to attempt suicide
6.3% of high school students actually attempted suicide 

These statistics tell me parents and schools should be more proactive.  Teenagers that do drugs and struggle with depression seem to be the likely suspects.  However the research shows more and more lesbian and gay teenagers are turning to suicide. 

What is the Problem?

Grades have become a greater concern than the emotional well-being or character building of our children.  Parents compete and brag about the accomplishments of their children.  Some parents are even compelled to lie and find it embarrassing when they perceive their children as inadequate.  Schools are trying to maintain numbers and are focused on maintaining educational standards.  But what about the children all this is being done for?  Is the business of trying to elevate them alienating them?  The spiritual and psycho-social development of our youth is being neglected.

If you do not see these videos, they must be viewed on the Empowered Peace Website

A video written and performed by this talented teen via youtube

Solutions

1. Family.  Families are broken.  Single parents, teen parents, grand parents raising their grandchildren do not have SUPPORT!  The foundation of a family is two parents working together.  Most families rely on two incomes, but if you have children try to sacrifice.  One parent stay at home and create a home.  If you are single you can still designate a family day.  Eat dinner together without the television.  It may seem awkward at first but your children will feel more loved.  They will feel they are apart of something that matters.  
2. Talk to schools and government.  Let them know about your concerns and ask them what they are doing about the problem.  Write letters to your senators and mayors about teen suicide.  Create programs in school.  For example, instead of having homeroom, have Homeroom.  A class period that students have a safe place to discuss their problems on a daily basis.  
3. Parents work out your emotional disconnections.  You can have family time, but without a real space for emotional growth, it will not work.  Parents look at yourselves and deal with your past hurts, insecurities and fears.  As you heal, you can better handle the needs of your children.
4. God.  Invite God into your family.  There are some things man can not fix. 

Signs a Teenager could be Suicidal

• They talk about suicide.  Even if it seems to be a joke.
• They are having problems in school with bullies.
• A change in personality. 
• They are using drugs and/or alcohol.
• They give away their important belongings. 
• They write or journal about death. 
• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. 

National Suicide Prevention Help Line
1-800-suicide
1-800-784-2433

Resources for Suicide Prevention and Information

suicide.org

MedicineNet.org: Teens, Parents Underestimate Teen Suicide Risk

KidsHealth- from the health experts of Nemours

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Teen Suicide 

American Academy of Pediatrics: Preventing Teen Suicide

photos via: health.ninemsn.com.au, the-parents-magazine.com, us.reachout.com, troubledteenhome.net via Google images

Workplace Worries and Badly Behaving Bullies



photo via

 The workplace is the second, if not the first home to a majority of working people.  Your job can be full of good friends, supportive supervisors and friendly potlucks but increasingly the workplace has become a war zone.  Employers and employees alike actively seek out individuals to harass and humiliate.  This terrorist mentality causes absenteeism, medical expenses, mental and emotional exhaustion, lower wages, character assassination and termination of employment.  According to Time Magazine many states are following the lead of New York's Healthy Workplace Bill and cracking down on workplace violence. 

Bullycide

The media is not at a loss for stories about bullying.  In fact, a new term has been created for the act of suicide caused by bullying, "Bullycide."  Here are some of the victims: Phoebe Prince, Megan Meier, Karl Peart, Gemma Dimmick, Jodie Zebell and Brodie Panlock just to name a few.  These people were called names, the subject of gossip, victimized by vicious rumors and continually made to feel unworthy by their bullies.  The continual marginalization and the increased power of the bully became overwhelming and they eventually committed suicide.  They were finally convinced that what the bullies said was true and there was not any help or hope to fix things.  This is such a sick travesty, bullies actually enjoy the pain of their victims.  Chances are you have been a victim, are a victim or know someone that has been or is being victimized.  I want you to know you are not alone.



photo via

Why Do People Bully?

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  Fear:  People are afraid of many things.  Job loss in today's economy is certainly one of them.  People who are working are willing to use unethical means to keep their jobs.  This is unfortunate and many times fear comes in the form of bullying and a mentality of "only the strong survive." 
• Insecurity: Many people are insecure and anyone they perceive as capable of 'getting ahead' of them is a target. 
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  Jealousy: Old fashioned jealousy fumes many flames.  A lack of values, misdirection and unrealistic expectations lead people to hate others.  The hate comes from feeling they deserve something more and proceed to take it from another person.
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  Power: How seductive is power?  Power used in the wrong way creates bullying.  
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  Control: Bullies like to have control over everything, especially the life of their victim.  They are unable to maintain a peace of mind without suppressing their victim, the person becomes as a possession or toy.  Managing their own lives would require introspection and most bullies feel it is too painful or scary to face their demons. 

How to Survive Your Bully



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You can allow bullies to steal your peace and joy.  This is a spiritual poison that breaks the heart of many lost souls.  Continued exposure to this behavior can make you sad, discouraged, depressed, anxious, distracted and unproductive.  The best way to handle a bully is to minimize these effects.  You have to find a positive in-flow to counteract their negativity.  Religion, friends, prayer, worship, arts and crafts and spiritual renewal are all examples of positive actions.  You may feel like giving up or not participating but these things help!

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  Take notes of the activity happening at work.  Use this information wisely and at the right time.
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  Don't allow the bully's rumors and lies to define who you are.  Read affirmations and repeat them to remind yourself of your value.
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  Confront your bully with a calm ethic.  Yelling or bad behavior will only get you in trouble and make your bully's lies more believable.
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  Report this activity to human resources.  Tell them about the hostile environment your bully is causing and ask for help.
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  Educate yourself about workplace bullying and find a support group.
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  Consult an attorney.
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  Ride out the storm.  From a spiritual perspective, some lessons are taught over and over again until you walk completely through the situation.  This can be scary and very uncomfortable, but by educating yourself on your situation, prayer and acting with integrity you can win. 
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  Never give up!

!!!Special Note!!!

This is to all of you who see someone being victimized and harassed at work.  SAY SOMETHING!!!  Confront the bully, stick up for your co-worker and refuse to tolerate this nonsense.  Report the incidents to human resources and keep notes.  You do not want the guilt of thinking you could have done something when it is too late.



photo via



References

Case Study: New Laws Target Workplace Bullying

Why Do Women Bully Women in the Workplace? They're Easier Targets

Office Politics: How to Play the Game

When Co-workers Play Dirty

Careerbuilder.com- Career Resources

Resources

Workplace Bullying Institute

Stop Workplace Bullying!

Minding the Workplace

Kickbully- Where Your Fight Begins

The Osmonds or The Lohans, a Good Gaudge to Test Role Definition in Your Relationships

The Problem

The Osmond's

Some of the most painful events of life happen within family or close friend connections. I hear gut wrenching stories about misunderstandings and lies that cause people to stop talking for years. The tears of these hurting people seem endless because they can not believe what has happened between them and their parents, children, best friend, sibling, boss or neighbor. These people have given into hopelessness and believe their relationships are beyond repair and do not know how to forgive or ask for forgiveness. This is a terrible state to find your relationships in and learning how to protect your connections can help prevent the wounds of betrayal.

A key element to establishing solid relationships is defining your role. Think about the people in your life and how you are connected to them. One person can be a husband, father, son, employee and supervisor in the course of one day. When this man is communicating with his wife, it should be different then when he is communicating with his employee. The quality of the communication does not have to change but the information and intimacy should certainly be different. For example, a person should not be an employee to his wife, or a son to his child. A woman that feels the need to treat her husband as her child, will find it difficult to respect her husband and find fulfillment in her marriage.

The Lohan's

Most people learn how to function in their relationships from their primary families. You hear this said all the time "I'm never going to be like my mother!" Later in life you find yourself doing the same things as your mom, and you say, "I sound just like my mother, I can't believe this!" These moments come from role ambiguity. It is rare that a person is taught what it means to be a husband, wife or employee and the ones who are taught can get wrong information or a model that no longer fits with their individual values.

Defining your role as a wife, mother, husband, son or neighbor will help you to function with success and respect your boundaries and the boundaries of others. Just like a good job description, writing a description of your role will guide your performance. Of course it is essential to find good sources if you do not know what this role entails. The Bible is a great source for everyone, it is full of wisdom and helpful insight. 

How to Stop Relationship Stress

Once you have your roles defined, stay in your place. When you begin to function outside of your role, tension heightens in the relationship and it starts to stink! It is not your responsibility to fix everyone around you, lead by example, it is much more effective and less noisy. Refine your new description and adjust to your role because falling into old pattens can be tempting in difficult situations.

!!!WARNING!!!

1. Friends and family who have a difficult time with change will try to convince you to go back to your old ways.
2. Mixing your old role with your new role is a recipe for disaster. Change certainly comes with time, but intentionally doing things that are inconsistent with your new role, will confuse others and make you less trustworthy.
3. Be patient with yourself and others because you are learning something new and mistakes will happen.

Developing harmony in your relationships is an essential part of spiritual well-being. Positive change isn't always easy, but in the long run, it makes you and your family stronger and happier.

References

Knowing Your Role in Your Relationships/ Examiner.com

Pnina, R. (2009). The Differences in Role Division Between Partners in Long-term Marriages and Their Well-being. Journal of Family Social Work, 12(1), 44-55. doi:10.1080/10522150802667106.

What Role should a Stepparent Play, by Dr. Phil

photo credit

people.com
Zimbo.com
google images