Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 3

No one wants to be bullied!  The person that finds themselves in the unfortunate position of being bullied did not put an ad in the paper.  It is a choice made by another person that seeks to control the people in their environment.

The person being bullied usually stays in this destructive dynamic because they are afraid.  They feel threatened and bargain with themselves to endure abusive treatment.  They may try being nice to the bully, falsely appealing to clouded internal wisdom.  Another flawed attempt to deal with callus bullies is ignoring the behavior.  "Maybe if I ignore this, it will go away."  Unfortunately this is probably not going to help.  The only thing that will stop bullying is severing the ties of the relationship.

It can be difficult to do this because the bullying is usually in a necessary location.  At a school, a workplace or place of worship where both parties meet on a regular basis.  Normally it is the person being bullied that leaves.  They hope the escape poor treatment and start over.  This can happen, but usually they find themselves in another hurtful situation.

The brokenness of the soul travels with the victim.  Until this is repaired remnants of the past will continue to surface in the victim's relationships.  A transformation of the soul has to happen.  This transformation begins with a decision to be free.

As with all things in life this freeing transformation is a process.  It does not happen overnight and there are challenges along the way.  Some of these challenges come in the form of more bullies.  This is not a reason to give up.  It can be a reason to rejoice.  Each obstacle that presents itself is an opportunity to be a better you!  Facing challenges reveals weakness and areas that need attention.  The journey to freedom is not a trip that has to be taken alone.  Yes the internal work and behavior changes belong to the victim, but support is helpful.

1. Join a support group.  Support groups help people that have been bullied identify their feelings.  It a constructive way to work through pain.  Leaving pain buried inside will eventually come out.  
2. Keep a journal.  Write out how you feel.  This is a great way to reconnect with your feelings and become whole.
3. Carefully choose who gets to know your story.   This does not mean you hide your experiences and keep them secret.  It means you share them wisely to prevent being re-victimized. 
4. Read helpful books.  Reading is educational and feeds your mind with new thoughts and ideas.  Something has to counter the negative thoughts and reformulate an new way of living and being.
5. Take a break.  It can be emotionally draining to continually work on yourself. Take breaks to refresh yourself and avoid becoming overwhelmed.  Change takes time, be patient with yourself.

The parts of my story I shared in part 2 were difficult to write.  It took me back to a time in my life when I was not as strong or resourceful.  My journey has put me relationship with many difficult people.  I have not handled all of these situations with grace.  But I survived and each encounter helped me to redeem myself and move forward. 

Sometimes it seemed that I was moving backwards and failing miserably.  Sometimes it seemed that the tears would never stop flowing, and sometimes I still cry.  The wonderful thing is this is my life and I can make it whatever I choose.  I do not have to let another person have control in my life.  I decide what happens and how to make the best of not so good circumstances.  I have come to realize there is no such thing a perfect life.  There will always be situations that challenge me, but the challenge is the only way to become better.

The minute you stop growing and trying to get better is the moment you die.  Nobody has all of the answers.  But they can be examples of what it looks like on the other side of the mountain.  Your bully is the key to unlocking the best you possible! 
photo via Google images.