Repost: Teenage Bullying Needs to Stop! The Problem and Real Solutions!

The subject of suicide is usually discussed after a tragic event.  The schools gather students, parents and counselor's together in an attempt to prevent lawsuits, follow protocol and to keep the loud opinionated parents quiet.  This sounds cynical, but where were these sessions of love when the victim needed help?  The schools and parents will say they were doing the best they could.  "We have a tight budget and can only provide limited services."  "We had to work and we did not know things were this bad."  "I knew he was upset, but I thought he would be okay."

As a parent, I have to admit, suicide is a subject that has rarely been covered.  I am a part of the majority and we think our children are perfect little angels.  We think our children never swear, use drugs, drink or have sex behind our backs.  It is this kind of thinking that puts our children in danger.  It is this kind of thinking that approves school budgets without proper support for our children.  It is this kind of thinking that makes it impossible to have honest conversations with ourselves, spouses, children, teachers and others.  We walk around with blinders on as our children are crumbling right in front of our eyes.

Center for Disease Control, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (2009)

13.8% of high school students have seriously considered attempting suicide
26.1% of high school students felt sad or hopeless.
10.9% of high school students made a plan of how they were going to attempt suicide
6.3% of high school students actually attempted suicide 

These statistics tell me parents and schools should be more proactive.  Teenagers that do drugs and struggle with depression seem to be the likely suspects.  However the research shows more and more lesbian and gay teenagers are turning to suicide. 

What is the Problem?

Grades have become a greater concern than the emotional well-being or character building of our children.  Parents compete and brag about the accomplishments of their children.  Some parents are even compelled to lie and find it embarrassing when they perceive their children as inadequate.  Schools are trying to maintain numbers and are focused on maintaining educational standards.  But what about the children all this is being done for?  Is the business of trying to elevate them alienating them?  The spiritual and psycho-social development of our youth is being neglected.

If you do not see these videos, they must be viewed on the Empowered Peace Website

A video written and performed by this talented teen via YouTube

Solutions

1. Family.  Families are broken.  Single parents, teen parents, grand parents raising their grandchildren do not have SUPPORT!  The foundation of a family is two parents working together.  Most families rely on two incomes, but if you have children try to sacrifice.  One parent stay at home and create a home.  If you are single you can still designate a family day.  Eat dinner together without the television.  It may seem awkward at first but your children will feel more loved.  They will feel they are apart of something that matters.  
2. Talk to schools and government.  Let them know about your concerns and ask them what they are doing about the problem.  Write letters to your senators and mayors about teen suicide.  Create programs in school.  For example, instead of having homeroom, have Homeroom.  A class period that students have a safe place to discuss their problems on a daily basis.  
3. Parents work out your emotional disconnections.  You can have family time, but without a real space for emotional growth, it will not work.  Parents look at yourselves and deal with your past hurts, insecurities and fears.  As you heal, you can better handle the needs of your children.
4. God.  Invite God into your family.  There are some things man can not fix. 

Signs a Teenager could be Suicidal

• They talk about suicide.  Even if it seems to be a joke.
• They are having problems in school with bullies.
• A change in personality. 
• They are using drugs and/or alcohol.
• They give away their important belongings. 
• They write or journal about death. 
• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. 

National Suicide Prevention Help Line
1-800-suicide
1-800-784-2433

Resources for Suicide Prevention and Information

suicide.org

MedicineNet.org: Teens, Parents Underestimate Teen Suicide Risk

KidsHealth- from the health experts of Nemours

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Teen Suicide 

American Academy of Pediatrics: Preventing Teen Suicide

photos via: health.ninemsn.com.au, the-parents-magazine.com, us.reachout.com, troubledteenhome.net via Google images

Remembering 9/11- 10 Years Later

I feel such sadness remembering 9/11.  Even as I write this article my eyes are filled with tears. 

The days prior to this infamous anniversary, I debated if I would watch programs of the horrible footage.  I struggled with even allowing my mind to ponder the somber realities of death and shattered lives.

In the end I decided I must be true to myself and my country.  I am remembering 9/11 and it hurts like hell. 

I think I am crying more today, then I did 10 years ago.  10 years ago it seemed that the world just stopped.  The only thing I wanted was my daughter in my arms and to be in front of the television.  As the years have passed our country has and continues to rebuild itself.  I feel safer walking down the street, but I remember being frighted to open my mail or ofgoing into large public building.  Time has a strange way of soothing pain and erasing fear.

If you are remembering 9/11 today it is okay to cry.  It is okay to be angry and it is even okay to smile.  Take your energy and put into something positive.  Here are a few suggestions.

1. Thank a soldier
2. Donate your time or money to a 9/11 charity
3. Call a friend and share your feelings
4. Pray
5. Get more involved with politics
6. Write a letter to a soldier
7. Thank God that America is still standing!

God Bless America!
photo via uncoverage.net via Google images

Have You Considered Why Adults Have Babies?

I think most mature adults would agree, parenthood should begin with two adults.  Adults that are financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually capable of nurturing a helpless infant.  Two adults that are focused on building a solid family.  There must be a reason God ordained our childbearing years after infancy and adolescence.

I know there are exceptions to the rules and life happens.  But what if...

Could it be that children need the experience of seasoned humans to learn from?  Could it be that children need the wisdom and knowledge their parents?  Could it be that children do NOT need immature parents polluting their childhood?  Have you ever considered why childbearing happens after infancy and adolescence?

If you still have childish habits and are raising a child, consider changing your ways...

photo via people.emich.edu via Google images

Meeting Life's Challenges is the Road to Success

What is a queen without a kingdom?  What is a warrior without a battle?  What is a husband without a wife?  What is a mother without a child?  What is a writer without a story?  What is a musician without an instrument?  What is a lover without a partner?  What is a solution without a problem?

All of these images embody the emptiness one experiences when life's challenges are not overcome.  It seems that the pain comes from defeat, but it runs much deeper.  It is also the God given gifts inside of you yearning for an outlet.

The other side of the challenge is the kingdom, the battle, the wife, the child, the story, the instrument, the partner, the problem.  It is the playground for your gifts and talents to exercise, grow and be free. 

These challenges are most significant in the lives of people that have determined goals in life.  The ability to maintain excellence when a goal is met, is developed along the way, through challenges.  When I was a new hospital chaplain, I was constantly confronted with challenging situations.  I had to overcome many fears to be successful in my job.  I found myself growing and doing more than I ever dreamed.

Then came the big challenge!  I was filled with fear and distress.  I was unable to effectively rise to this challenge and my growth was redirected.  I no longer had a hospital for my chaplaincy gifts and talents.  I had to self-reflect and decide if my dream was worth overcoming my fear. 

Meeting this challenge is something I approach with nervousness, but I realize it is the only way to reach my ultimate goal.  And the only way to pull out more of the substance God gave me to function in my purpose. 

The Message

The message I want you get...treat life's challenges as an oven.  After you put all the ingredients of your dreams and goals together...let the challenges of life bake the perfect cake!

The challenge is not comfortable, but without it you will not have the necessary tool to finish your dream.  Realize it is an opportunity to become the best, Empowered you possible!

photo via jerecro721.wordpress.com via Google images

Who are You Letting Get The Best of You? Stop The Madness!

There are times in life when you allow people to lie to you.  You know that they are full of it, but you let it slide.  You know someone is making a fool of you, but you allow the whole scene to take place.  Why?  Why are you letting people get the best of you?

It is in these moments of surrender that positive energy is seeped away.  Every good thing is compromised in the moment and instant opinions are formed.  If you want people to respect you, why do you let them get the best of you?

I was recently in a situation and I let someone lie to me, or at least blow me off and give me a bull$hit answer.  As I reflected upon it, I had to ask myself why.  I conducted myself with respect for  45 minutes, but in a moment I compromised it all. 

The meeting had a positive outcome, but I allowed some of my power to be taken.  I allowed someone to lie to me.  I did it because of their title.  They were in a position of authority and I had the crazy notion allowing this lie to pass somehow honored them.  This came from a place of oppressed thinking.

Not so!  I have the right and the responsibility to only allow truth into my space.  This is how to contain real power and infuse fresh energy into your life.  There is not any honor in letting people get the better of you.  You are not doing them or yourself any favors.  Stop the madness and shut a door of chaos in your life.

This does not guarantee every situation will work in your favor, but it will protect your personal space and keep it sacred and clean.

When you suspect a lie is being offered here are some ways to handle the situation:

1. Ask for clarification.  Let the person or people know you need more information to understand.  There is not a reason to be rude, but be firm and polite.
2. If you are still unhappy with the answer, share your opinion.  Part of good communication is helping people understand your position.  You can not control another man's actions, but you can conduct your own.  
3. You have a choice.  You can participate based on something you do not believe to be true or you can say "no."  You do not have to willingly subject yourself to compromising situations that can cause you harm.  
4. You can let them know you do not believe their statement.  The truth never hurts, but always use wisdom.

Life can be tough and it is important not to let anyone willing get the best of you.  Be Empowered and stop the madness!

A Response to A Cherished Reader- How to Deal with Unapproachable People

I love all of my readers, at least the ones that are reading because they are growing and support me with with a sincere heart.  My article Unfinished Business- Having Really Hard and Sometimes Scary Conversations had the following comment:
This was a nice article but I would have liked to see more suggestions on how to approach or at least pray for the unapproachable. I want to have real relationships and eliminate the phony.

The desire to have real relationships is the start of owning them.  If you have had a background of being surrounded by shady people that gain their glory from your humiliation, learning who to trust can be difficult.  A good way to recognize a connection that is causing destruction in your life is to observe.  Here are some things to be aware of:

1. You are experiencing trouble in your key relationships.  All of a sudden people that you once clicked with begin to distance themselves.  You do not know why, but it is obvious there is a problem.  Real friends and supporters willing tell you when someone is toying with your life.  If they are not will to share their concerns or believe lies and do not share backstabbing rumors, take them off of your list of supporters.  You can pray for them by asking God to remove the confusion the enemy has caused.
2. People know or think they know information about your personal life that you did not share.  This is a clear sign that someone is spreading rumors about you.  It may not be easy to find the person behind the lies, but it is a good chance they are right under your nose.  Another scary thing to consider is the technology in today's world.  People have the ability to hack e-mails, Facebook accounts, twitter accounts, hear your cell phone conversations and even use the cameras on your computer to see what you are doing at home.  It amazes me that people would be that intrusive, but there are not boundaries for some people.  
3. You experience a change in yourself and your confidence begins to fail.  Continued harassment can destroy your confidence.  You begin to question yourself, the way you dress, your hair, paranoid about little things like your nails and continually wonder how people are thinking of you.  You have to turn this negative energy around and use it root out problem people.
4. They will try to convince you and everyone else that you are crazy.  If people believe your crazy then they will not believe anything you say.  The harassment that is real will be turned into a figment of your imagination by the perpetrator.  Then you become the problem.  If everyone is looking at you, the bully has a clear path to do what he or she wants.  They are the crazy ones for attempting to destroy the life God created.  It is the biggest insult to God and it will not go unpunished by Him.  This is classic scenario played out in every movie genre.  It is the theme is 1 out of every 3 Lifetime movies and yes it happens in real life!

These are just a few things you may notice.  Once you determine there is an unapproachable person in your life you have to face your fears.  You have to decide you want to control your own life and take back your power.  

It is very intimidating when you have to stand up to a person that seems unstoppable.  They become larger than life and trying to defend yourself seems pointless.  You have to dig deep inside and let these cowards know you are aware of what they are doing.  

1. You will not die by sticking up to your bully.  It can be scary, you may cry or even lose your words.  But once you do it once the second time is much easier.  Let them know you are not afraid and that what they are doing is wrong.
2. Write out what you are going to say.  Try to prepare ahead of time.  Write out what you are going to say and how your unapproachable person may react.  Then decide how you are going to react to their actions.
3. Let other people know it is their responsibility to help.  Bullies survive in a world of secrecy.  People are aware but do not want to be a snitch or be made fun of themselves.  Let the people who are enabling know it it their silence that allows destructive behavior to continue.  
4. Be strong!  If harassment continues seek legal help.
5. Move yourself to a healthy environment.  If you are unable to get the situation under control, leave.  There is no reason why you should have to endure bad behavior.  Life is short and making connections with people that will support you is a better way to spend your energy.

Remember you are not alone!  You are not weak and making a decision to take control of your life is the beginning of turning things around! 

photo via managemypractice.com

The Good Girl Must Die!

A one dimensional person is lying to themselves.  No one is all good all the time.  As a woman I thought it was my place be good, even during my years of being a "bad girl" I still had a persona within my group as a "good girl."  There were certain lines I did not cross because I needed to be "good."

What is a good girl or person?  A person that lives their lives believing they are walking a saint.  They do everything to live up too society's definition of a good woman.  They continually deny their true feelings and act upon being liked by others.  It is a life full of artificial connections, fake smiles and suppressed emotions.  The "good girl" must die!

My good girl delusions were broken when a bully began spreading rumors about me.  They said I was a whore, liar and anything else vile and evil which exists.  I never knew exactly what was said, but I knew my image was damaged.  I was crushed because I had lived to be everything pure and in line with Jesus.  The only problem was I was denying my authentic self and did not even realize it!

I thought being humble and overlooking the bad behavior of another person made me a better person.  I thought because I made the choice of waiting for sex until married made me pure and holy.  I thought suffering the abuse of a-holes was something to be endured until God pulled me out of the situation.  I thought never getting angry was good.

How wrong!  The good girl must die!  The good girl image holds women in invisible prisons of piety.  No one ever has to worry about the good girl fulfilling her dreams.  She will live her life bond in a stagnant swap of "good enough."  It is time to kill the good girl and embrace your entire being.

As a woman you have all kinds of feelings, thoughts, desires and needs.  Society tells us that certain wants and needs are bad because good girls are not like this or that.  Not true!  Women have the right to experience the fullness of our existence and this can not be done if everything about you is being denied.

At one time in my life, I saw the world as black or white, right or wrong, good or bad.  But now I am realizing life if full of shades of gray.  Harsh stringent standards create impossible rules for anyone to fulfill.  Living in the gray and accepting yourself as less than perfect is the only way to breath and experience the gratification of being you.

I am certainly not telling you to start cussing everyone out that ticks you off or encouraging you to have sex with strange people.  I am telling you that your thoughts and feelings are normal!  And embracing all of you and being okay with yourself just the way you are kills the good girl.

This is how you get started:

1. Realize your emotions are not evil.  We all have feelings.  Feelings of love, hate, desire, lust, envy, happiness and sorrow.  It is a part of what makes us human.  Emotions are gifts from God.  They allow us to understand how situations are effecting us.  When we understand how we feel, we can act appropriately.  Not based on our feelings, but based on our values.   If your feelings conflict with your beliefs, explore it! Don't ignore it!  Be available to yourself to make adjustments and changes when necessary.  Remember you are on a journey and should be evolving all of the time.
2. Know your values.  You should know what is important to you and make decisions to uphold and protect these things in your life.  If you have to be mean or fight for what you believe in, it is okay.  Be true to yourself!
3. It is okay to be different. Many times the desire to fit kills your ability to be your authentic self.  It is okay to be different.  If it were not God would have made us all the same.  Instead of going along with the crowd, have the courage to stick your values and beliefs.  If you are the only one wearing red shorts at the gas station with white strips and everyone is moved by your fashion statement, be happy!  

Now go kill the good girl and be complete and whole.  That good girl is empty and miserable, yearning for the day she can be bold and beautiful.  Make that day today! 
photo via sharewithaline.wordpress.com via Google images