Kick Defeat in the Face and Reach for the Stars!

Throughout life you are faced with many challenges.  These trails come in the form of job losses, divorce, death, discrimination, difficult people and just plain bad luck.  As obstacles and challenges present themselves choices have to be made.  Most people clearly see the injustices perpetrated by others when bad times come.  It is easy to see how co-workers treated you unfairly.  It is easy to blame your spouse because they are the ones who cheated.  It is easy to blame, but blaming gives away power.  Blaming allows others to have control of your life.  Try this perspective?

Each obstacle you face is an opportunity to excel. That's right.  When you are hardest hit do the right thing and develop the confidence you need to achieve your dreams.  How many times have you compromised when faced with mountains?  How many times did you throw in the towel because the task seemed impossible?  I am here to tell you that these times separate the boys from the men.  The girls from the women and the winners from the losers.  When you are hit dig deep and pull out that greatness inside of you to do the right thing.  This is how you reach for the stars!

Each time you blame others when things get tough, you lose a little bit of yourself.  Blaming another person for your problems allows you to be a helpless victim.  The problem is no one is coming to save you!  I mean the you on the inside, your soul. 

When you stop blaming others you can reach for the stars!  In this life we face some incredible challenges.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a dream of integration when it was legal to call him a nigger at work.  He could have given up on his dream and lived until he was 90.  This compromise would have killed his soul and made him a miserable person.  He would have lost self-respect and lived a life of shame.  Instead he reached for the stars and lived a shorter life with greatness.

You have this same greatness inside of you!  You may not be able to compare yourself to Dr. King, but I can!  God created you both for great things.  Your dreams may not get national headlines, but they can make a difference.  They can change your life and Empower you. 

Do not compromise your soul.  Do the right thing and reach for the stars!
photos via: thepositivelife.com, life-evolution.com via Google images

"Working on Monday"- Renew Your Energy with a Day Off!

Working requires a lot of energy.  Not just physical energy, but mental and spiritual.  It is important to rest and renew your strength.  I encourage you to take a day or two just for you! 

1. Watch a movie
2. Sleep
3. Meditate
4. Take a long bath
5. Soak your feet
6. Do absolutely NOTHING!
7. Take a drive
8. Check into a hotel with just yourself and pray
9. Listen to your favorite music
10. Clean the house
11. Dance!
12. Take a long walk
13. Eat your favorite comfort foods
14. Watch your favorite sitcom re-runs
15. Watch your favorite comedian

This is a short list of many things you can do to unwind.  The point is to take a moment to just breath!  The best activities are those that cleanse your mind and fill your spirit.  Being occupied with more busy work is certainly a day off, but real time off is renewing. 

If you are unable to take time-off do not become upset.  This will only add to your stress.  Find creative ways to take small amounts of time and regroup.  There is more than one way to accomplish a goal.  Keep the faith and know you have not lost, each time you take control you gain!

I am leaving you with some wonderful resources from the Mayo Clinic.  One of them is a stress test, pay attention to what it says and take action! 

Stress Assessment
Resiliency: Who goes the distance
How to be happy: Tips for cultivating contentment

Until next Monday!
photos via: transformleaders.tv via Google images

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 3

No one wants to be bullied!  The person that finds themselves in the unfortunate position of being bullied did not put an ad in the paper.  It is a choice made by another person that seeks to control the people in their environment.

The person being bullied usually stays in this destructive dynamic because they are afraid.  They feel threatened and bargain with themselves to endure abusive treatment.  They may try being nice to the bully, falsely appealing to clouded internal wisdom.  Another flawed attempt to deal with callus bullies is ignoring the behavior.  "Maybe if I ignore this, it will go away."  Unfortunately this is probably not going to help.  The only thing that will stop bullying is severing the ties of the relationship.

It can be difficult to do this because the bullying is usually in a necessary location.  At a school, a workplace or place of worship where both parties meet on a regular basis.  Normally it is the person being bullied that leaves.  They hope the escape poor treatment and start over.  This can happen, but usually they find themselves in another hurtful situation.

The brokenness of the soul travels with the victim.  Until this is repaired remnants of the past will continue to surface in the victim's relationships.  A transformation of the soul has to happen.  This transformation begins with a decision to be free.

As with all things in life this freeing transformation is a process.  It does not happen overnight and there are challenges along the way.  Some of these challenges come in the form of more bullies.  This is not a reason to give up.  It can be a reason to rejoice.  Each obstacle that presents itself is an opportunity to be a better you!  Facing challenges reveals weakness and areas that need attention.  The journey to freedom is not a trip that has to be taken alone.  Yes the internal work and behavior changes belong to the victim, but support is helpful.

1. Join a support group.  Support groups help people that have been bullied identify their feelings.  It a constructive way to work through pain.  Leaving pain buried inside will eventually come out.  
2. Keep a journal.  Write out how you feel.  This is a great way to reconnect with your feelings and become whole.
3. Carefully choose who gets to know your story.   This does not mean you hide your experiences and keep them secret.  It means you share them wisely to prevent being re-victimized. 
4. Read helpful books.  Reading is educational and feeds your mind with new thoughts and ideas.  Something has to counter the negative thoughts and reformulate an new way of living and being.
5. Take a break.  It can be emotionally draining to continually work on yourself. Take breaks to refresh yourself and avoid becoming overwhelmed.  Change takes time, be patient with yourself.

The parts of my story I shared in part 2 were difficult to write.  It took me back to a time in my life when I was not as strong or resourceful.  My journey has put me relationship with many difficult people.  I have not handled all of these situations with grace.  But I survived and each encounter helped me to redeem myself and move forward. 

Sometimes it seemed that I was moving backwards and failing miserably.  Sometimes it seemed that the tears would never stop flowing, and sometimes I still cry.  The wonderful thing is this is my life and I can make it whatever I choose.  I do not have to let another person have control in my life.  I decide what happens and how to make the best of not so good circumstances.  I have come to realize there is no such thing a perfect life.  There will always be situations that challenge me, but the challenge is the only way to become better.

The minute you stop growing and trying to get better is the moment you die.  Nobody has all of the answers.  But they can be examples of what it looks like on the other side of the mountain.  Your bully is the key to unlocking the best you possible! 
photo via Google images.

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 2

Bulling is a degrading experience.  It steals your joy and power from your presence.  It is a wicked exchange that takes place between a bully and a victim.  A bully strips their prey of dignity and weaves it into their being.  They wear it as an invisible badge of authority and use it as a license to continually oppress their victim.  Victims in return become an emotional and physical trash dump.  They become a release for the psychological and emotional pain of their abuser.  The more the bully dumps on the victim, the more the bully hates the victim.  After all, who likes trash?

As a victim of bullying you begin to really feel worthless.  People turn up their noses at you.  They laugh at you when they pass you.  People are constantly talking behind your back and spreading false rumors.  Bullying can become physical as well.  Victims can be pushed, pulled, spit at and beat up.  Victims become the butt of every joke and called dehumanizing names.  Can you imagine spending your work day like this?  Can you imagine going to school and knowing you will be humiliated for 7 straight hours?  What about the battered spouse?  Can  you imagine living with a person or people that treat you like an insignificant slave without feelings?  This is the existence of millions of people around the world.

A Piece of My Story

My bullying experience began at a young age.  I was teased for many different reasons.  Of course this gave me many reasons to doubt myself and my significance as a person of influence.  My black so-called friends teased me for not being black enough.  My speech was too proper and my name brand clothing was not always correct.  My hair was too short and my butt was too flat.  It is extremely difficult to defend yourself when you believe what people are saying.  It is hard to believe you are okay, when you are told on a daily basis you are inferior!

This constant attack on my appearance made me believe I was ugly.  I dated guys that were losers because I was completely confused about my value.  The guys I really wanted I never pursued because I thought they would never want someone as terrible as me.  Bullying is such a deceitful lie.  It robs you of a good life because you think you do not deserve one.  

I was a person split in the middle.  I had completely separated myself from my emotions.  It was as if I lived an outer body experience.  A great deal of my pain came from being raped.  Rape is the sickest act a bully can perpetrate.  This was an event that I blacked out for many years because it was too traumatic to face.  A person I trusted violated me and shattered my soul in one act.  This lead to drinking at the young age of 12.  Needless to say my drinking and shattered soul made me a prime target for bullies.  I needed someone to care, but all I found was more evidence of my uselessness.

These awful acts happening at such an early age never gave me a chance to form boundaries. I allowed people to continually violate me because I never thought I had a choice.  Eventually you stop fighting when you think you are in a losing battle.
 

One of the best ways to take back your power is by setting boundaries.  Boundaries are not walls, they are safety markers to keep you safe.  You have a right to protect yourself when someone comes into your space uninvited.

If you have been bullied forgive yourself.  If you have been doing things or have done things you are not proud of it was only for protection.  We are going to discuss healthy ways of coping as we continue in this series. 

A Tough Reality

The victim and the bully share a dark, sick relationship.  They both share intimate secrets neither wants anyone to know.  The person being bullied is humiliated and hides the secrets of their experience.  The person doing the bullying is ashamed and does not want anyone to know their true, ugly identity.  It is a strange and morbid connection that is difficult to break.  Years after the bullying has stopped the mental chains of worthlessness interfere with a victims well-being.  Bullies move on and find other people to trash.  The cycle continues for both the bully and victim until they decide to take control of their lives.  

Anti-Bullying Programs

The Trevor Project- a hot line and organization for lesbian and gay youth and people.

Bully Online.org- workplace bully resources

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
photos via: hubpages.com, myhomeschool.blogspot.com, accura-marketing.com via Google images. 

Bullying- An Intimate Discussion about the Pain, Power and Process Part 1

Bullying is an action that can have lifetime repercussions.  Adults that were bullied sometimes struggle in their relationships because of ingrained messages of inferiority.  Children and teens that are currently experiencing the woes of bullying are going to school dreading harassment and ridicule.  It is even worse when the bullying is occurring in your own home.  Over the next couple of days Empowered Peace is doing an in depth series on bullying.

I will share my own personal story  and discuss causes, solutions and coping skills.  Get ready!

In the mean time.  If you are feeling the effects of bullying past or present know that you are not alone.  We are going to walk through this together and breath the freshness of Empowered air!

Resource 

Love is Louder- is a movement started by Brittnay Snow.  A lot of celebrities are participating in this cause and bringing awareness to the cruelty of bullying.

Everybody Wants You!- The Competition for Your Attention, Time and Money

Did you know how desirable you are?  Everyday, all day millions of people are literally having sleepless nights wondering why you do not care.  They have meetings about you and actually research how to be apart of your life.  Yes they even change their minds and reformat who they are just to make you happy!  These are famous people who want you.  I am not talking about your neighbor or your spouse. I am talking about people like Donald Trump, Ron Howard, Oprah Winfrey, The Kardashian's, The National Football League and powerful people in government.


Each of these people compete feverishly for a moment of your time.  They hope to make you a loyal fan or follower.  The more you love them, the richer they become.  I am sure many of these people trying to get your time care about you.  I would not categorize them as being evil.  They are invested in you to make a living and sell, for the most part, quality products.

So my next question is, Who has your attention?  Here is a short list of who has been wanting you this month alone.  It is February and a lot is happening.  The American Heart Association wants you to wear red for American Heart month, Hallmark, Ivanka Trump and anyone with a product wants you to buy gifts for Valentine's day and it is Black History Month!  It is a good thing February only has 28 days!

I think that Participating in charitable activities surrounding these important causes is great.  But understand people thought about how to get you where you are planning to go. If they are smart they thought about how to keep your attention.  I must admit, I want your time as much as anybody else.  I want to Empower you and enable you to live a life of Peace!  My cause is just as noble as the next.  How do you decide what to invest your valuable time, money and energy into?

What do you consider quality?  How do you measure a successful event?  What determines money well spent?  Everybody wants you, but what do you want?  Here are some things to consider.

1. Know thyself.  It is important to know what gives you real satisfaction and why.  Creating a personal mission statement can help you with this.  If the things you are buying do not constructively add to this vision, consider if it is worth your time, energy ultimately your money.
2. Why do you like the products you are buying.  Is it the commercial?  I like commercials, if you have a product you have to find a way to bring attention to them.  They are funny, entertaining and many times sweet.  However a good commercial in and of itself is not a reason to buy.  It may be a reason to question, research or even experiment.  Pledge your allegiance to a product because it really works for you.  You could be missing out on something great for completely shallow reasons.
3. Look into events and causes.  Many events are planned for Black History Month.  Many people sincerely want to recognize and celebrate the accomplishments of African-Americans.  The American Heart Association is raising money this month and promoting many fund raisers. It is wise to look into organizations wanting your money.  Make sure they are really connected to reputable causes.  Ask them what they are doing with the donations.  It feels good to give, but you also want to be smart.  Look into your religious organizations and other clubs as well.  Make sure they are using your contributions in a responsible way.  You are not wrong to ask, they are wrong to deny.  
4. Share your opinion.  What you think matters.  Everybody wants you!  Let people know when they are doing good.  Let people know when they are doing bad.  I would be careful in restaurants, yikes!  Good customer service should be acknowledged.  How many times have you waited to tell someone about a terrible experience?  Show the same type of urgency with great care.  Whenever service catches your attention let it be know.  Write letters and/or make phone calls.  I think it is fair to tell people how they are doing, especially since they work so hard to get you. 
5. Remember Nancy Regan, just say no! If something is not good just don't buy it anymore.  Brand loyalty should not be based on longevity but real satisfaction.     

Understand your value and make Empowered choices!
photos via: fanpop.com, josh-wyxl.itmblog.com and brentozar.com via Google images 

Now that the Baby is Gone- Reflections on My Daughter's Baby Project

My daughter's baby simulation project is over (this link will take you to the original post).  She turned her 'son' in yesterday and I could not be happier.  Now that I have had a chance to reflect on my reactions, I have discovered some new things about myself.  My initial outrage was probably fear.  I can not even play with the idea of my daughter having a baby at 17.

I did not help my daughter with anything.  I wanted to reinforce my strong stance, I do not approve of getting pregnant as a young teenager with out means or a husband.  She woke up at various times during the night to feed and change this baby.  She had to sacrifice watching her favorite television shows to nap while the baby was sleep.  She also struggled to get her homework done because she was busy with the baby.  I am still certain this project promotes single parenthood.  I think the ideal of joint responsibility should be taught and discussed.  Young men and women need to learn to depend on each other to raise their children.  It isn't just the girl's baby and the boy's part-time accessory. 

I have to tell you the second day my daughter had her baby, I wanted to help.  It took everything in me to hold back.  I hated to see her struggle and be sad.  Her fantasy was crushed and she realized having a baby was really tough.  I wanted to tell her how to hold the baby.  I wanted to show her how to swaddle and rock the baby to sleep.  I wanted to fulfill my role as her mother and this 'baby's' grandmother.  It was unnatural not to help my daughter with her difficulties.  I hated being distant and allowing her to experience such a great responsibility alone.

I discovered that if this was real, I would be there for my daughter.  I realized how drastically both of our lives would change.  I got a preview of the love I will have for my grandchildren.  I saw what a great mother my daughter will be to her children!  I had the torture of seeing my daughter lose her teenage years, if this were real.  I felt the pain of life's lessons. 

Timing is everything.  I pray that the values I have instilled in my daughter will guide her in her choices.  I pray that she will align her life with biblical principles and have a perfect life.  As much as I want these things for my daughter, I know she will make mistakes.  I just hope the mistakes she makes will not alter her life and steal her dreams. 

Parents talk to your children about sex.  Share with them the consequences of such a choice.  Not just getting pregnant, but sexually transmitted diseases.  Really let them know how precious they are and the importance of saving themselves for their spouse.  It sounds old fashioned but sex can be pure and sacred in the unity of marriage.  

Empowered Peace is learning to wait for treasured moments, and teaching your children the value of waiting for adult experiences. 
photo via: gchosp.org