A Life Worth Living- Say No to Being Shamed and Feeling Guilty by Others!

There will always be people in your life that are bitter and angry.  Some are angry because they have given up on their dreams, some feel trapped by poor circumstances and others are simply whacked. They are suffocated by the power they allow others to place upon their lives and hate you for your perseverance. These people criticize you for positive behavior and try to make you feel guilty for doing great things. A few of these bitter people criticize you to your face, but most do it behind your back. A life worth living does not allow others to shame and guilt them into mediocrity!

I have had many people in my life attempt to shame me and make me feel guilty for trying to live an exceptional life.  Most of these people operated behind my back. They attacked me by convincing others I was somehow phony and/or bad. I didn't understand what was happening for many years.

I knew people would laugh at me, I could see people like me, turn against me, I could feel the coldness of judgement, I could feel the disgusted stares of hatred, but I didn't understand why. I said these people were jealous of me.  I let myself be convinced I was just wasting my time and I gave up many times.

As time passed and this same pattern continued, I began to see there was always a source! There was always one bitter person that hated my gusto and drive so much, they sabotaged it with their malicious, evil words. I was oblivious to this, because being exposed to negativity, over a long period of time, made me think I was worthless.  I couldn't see beyond the false image created by another person. 

People would doubt me because evil was planted in their minds by bitter people. The ignorance of these happenings caused me to be controlled by another person's hate for me. It also allowed me to be controlled by my own insecurities. I would try to please others and I felt so rejected when they wouldn't extend acceptance. Now I see, I was working against an image created by a bitter person. An image that was not real, but somehow I submitted to it. This is not and was not a life worth living!

Confronting bitter people is not always easy, but necessary to have a life worth living. This is one of the simple keys to living an Empowered life. Here are some ways for you to deal with bitter people:

1. Remove them from your life all together!-If you have the ability to not speak to people who sabotage you do it! Allowing your life to be contaminated is just wrong. You are amazing and the sooner you remove bitter people, the sooner you will see it for yourself!
2. Build Your Confidence!- Fill your life with information that affirms the greatness in you! Listening to negative people brings you down. Being around others that intentionally come against you steals your positive thoughts about yourself. It is important to not only take self confidence building information in, but believe it to be true. You are an amazing person and you are capable of doing exceptional things!
3. Don't Live Down to Bad Expectations- God created you in His image and living down to others expectations gives others undeserved power in your life. Why should any man have the power to design your life. God made you and He made you great!
4. Never Give Up on Your Dreams!- Your dreams are precious! Protect them, believe in them and allow them to fuel your personal success! As Justin Bieber says "Never Say Never!"　

images via weheartit.com, markdworkin.com via Google images

2011, The Year in Review!

2011 has been an amazing year! I lived my first year after the death of my mother and I lived My first year after the death of my first career.  Well maybe my second career.  My first and ongoing career is motherhood.

These deaths were painful and put me in a position to draw upon a glimmering light of inspiration. I began 2011 determined to live the heart of my dreams.  This gave me energy to move forward, because I felt really hopeless at times.  I think I was successful, but as usual only God knows how life will unfold.

One of my hearts desires in 2011 was to be an entrepreneur. This dream was realized and I had many early successes! As my need for doing things correctly and in order would have it, I had to get additional education. The education I am enjoying, but it is taking my business three steps backwards, before it goes forward!

I believe my training is necessary. I am going with the flow, although it is frustrating. The term bitter sweet is very appropriate.

The other most significant event occurred in my spiritual life. My desire to live without denial has created a distance between me and the church (building). I have already written about the behaviors I disagree with in church, but now my disagreement, even anger is directed at the establishment itself.

One of my goals in 2012 is to find Biblical answers to the problems I have with church (the building). I will share more about this in future posts.

Overall 2011 has been a phenomenal year! I have grown, learned and looked fear in the face and said, "Step the f--- off!" I am excited to step into a new year and be apart of everything that God has waiting for me.  Empowerment is exhilarating!

I have made up my mind to make 2012 a year with NO LIMITS!!!! How are you going to live 2012?

Make some long and short terms goals and live each one of the 365 ahead to make them a reality!
photo via tomatotalk.earthfare.com via Google images

The Thanksgiving and Peace of Choice!

I received several invitations for Thanksgiving dinner today.  It was nice to have people willing to open their homes and share the joy of breaking bread together.  I could have even cooked and had my small, but loving family over.  However this year I made a conscious choice to be at peace!

Some of the invitations I got were from loving families, but I did not know them very well.  I didn't want to put myself in the awkward position of being around strangers on the Thanksgiving.  I could have went to a relatives, but they are not close family.  There would have been moments of uneasiness along with along with forced smiles.

Cooking on the holidays can be stressful, especially when you make EVERYTHING from scratch!  Shopping and being in the kitchen all day was not an appealing option this year.  I love my family and I love to cook, but this year I am taking a time out.  I encouraged my family to make other plans this year and I know they are having a great time! 

This Thanksgiving 2011, I decided to hang out at home and be at peace.  I decided not to put myself in a position that would make me uncomfortable or stressed.  I decided to work on some projects, watch some good movies and nibble on some of my favorite foods.

I contentment I feel is oure serenity, joy and it makes me smile.  I stayed true to myself and I am glad about it!

I am thankful and Empowered because I know the power of choosing!

Here are some other reasons I am thankful!

1. God and my Savior Jesus Christ!
2. I have peace of mind!
3. I have an amazing daughter!
4. I have a dad that loves me!
5. Empowered Peace readers!
6. Knowledge!
7. I have things, moments and people to be thankful for in my life!
8. Occupy Wall Street raised awareness and Empowered people to stand!
9. I own my feelings!
10. Oprah's Life Class!
11. The author's that share their words in great books!
12. Facebook and Twitter!
13. Healing!
14. A better diet!
15. My mom is no longer suffering!

These are just a few things in my life that cause me to be thankful.  Why are you thankful today?
photo via chasemor.wordpress.com via Google images

Adult Bullying- It Happens, Exisits and it Hurts Like Hell!

I began to write about a different subject, but my heart is lingering in a different place.  I have found myself once again the victim of unwanted bullying and it hurts!

Yes, I am an Empowered woman, a strong woman and a woman that won't quit, yet I find myself weakened by the onslaught of whispers, looks, laughter and jeers. 

I find it difficult to get close to people that may or may not be aware of what is happening.  You see my bully quickly befriends them and fills their head with poisonous lies.  I find myself evaluating if getting close and then having them turn away from me suddenly is worth the trouble.

I know that I am not the only person who is suffering from the woes of adult bullying.  I hope that my words and admission give you courage and strength.  You are not alone and either am I! 

The Dilemma

I have considered speaking to people in authority, but the reality is I may be perceived as the trouble maker.  I may not be taken seriously or they my choose to sweep my concerns under the rug.  I am not willing to risk another negative outcome at this point.

Confronting my bully is a waste of time.  They know what they are doing and find pleasure in my pain.  I am not willing to risk more ridicule and lies at this point.

The truth is I feel helpless and I feel like I have no one and no where to turn.  I have been chonically bullied on and off over the years.  Frankly I am tired and just want to quit!  I do not want to be in this situation.  I do not want to be subjected to this shame for a year, but my current location is a part of my long term goal. 

I hate to let others ruin this for me, but I am spent!  The hateful evilness I have endured over the years has wore me down.

What is an Empowered Person to Do?

At this point I will continue on my journey.  It hurts like hell and I even shed tears.  The road ahead may be rocky and even inflict emotional and mental wounds that will take years to heal.  Be that as it may, I value the education I am getting and will endure the shit to reach my goal.

This isn't anything that me, God and Oprah can't handle (said with an honest smile). 

I will keep you updated along the way.  If you are experiencing bullying, you are not alone!  Pull yourself together, cry if you must but do not quit or give up on you!

photo via umbrella-d.com via Google images





Breaking Dysfunctional Family Ties to Live an Empowered Life

In life people tend to be repetitive!  This is most evident in the relationships that shape the quality of a person's life.  The times that are most fulfilling are normally connected to positive work relationships, supportive partners and good, fun friends.  They bring out the best in everyone and cultivate growth.  Unfortunately, many vital relationships are warped because of dysfunctional family ties.

These dysfunctional family relationships are systems people do not choose.  They have a profound effect on how people interact with one another.  If a person holds the position of "the smart one" in the family, they tend to be "the smart one" in group situations.

It is like a script that is played out or a movie that is ran over and over again.  I have felt the pain of a dysfunctional cycle in my own life.  No matter how hard I tried to change the people I associated with, change the settings and even try to change my approach, nothing stopped the cycle.

I found myself in a subservient position.  Closed into unhappy positions that did not allow me to share my gifts and talents.  It was always that one one person that came along and destroyed what was happy.  I would feel lost, powerless and helpless, just waiting for someone to stop my tormentor. 

Each time my movie played, I would learn something new.  Many times God teaches us slowly and gently.  The last great lesson was the family.  I had a person in my family that treated me as a second class citizen.  I learned to assume my position each time she arrived.  This pattern was ingrained in me and I didn't even know it! 

I began to reflect upon my childhood and similar experiences.  I found one common denominator.  The family member that always keep me under thumb.  The family member that always needed attention, the family member that always needed people to hate me.  This was the same person, but she wounded me in many ways.

It began at such a young age that it became part of my makeup.  Such a natural part of my interpersonal relationships, that I did not recognize it was wrong until years later.  Years into my adulthood.  Years into abusive relationships. 

When I realized what was happening I knew I needed to stop the madness.  I made contact with the family member that punished me for living.  They refused to meet me face to face and never said sorry.  I wanted to tell them how their mistreatment poisoned my relationships.  I wanted to say that their hate for me wasn't love.  I want to say that I was making a choice to be free and that I knew I was a good, loving person. 

I refuse to be afraid of people similar to her.  They have pissed on everything that is important to me long enough.  I refuse to allow this falsehood to inform my life and relationships.  It is not always perfect, but it is much, much better.

Finding the courage to break poisonous family ties is the first step to healthy relationships.  It is possible to find real, solid relationships.  It simply takes rooting out the lies of the past and then replacing them with truth.

You have the right to be in control of your life.  You have the right to shine and the right to have people love you.  Let your dysfunctional family members put their trash in the garbage, not you!

It is never too late!  Empower yourself and reclaim your life!

photo via ilovemybaby.org via Google images

Repost: Teenage Bullying Needs to Stop! The Problem and Real Solutions!

The subject of suicide is usually discussed after a tragic event.  The schools gather students, parents and counselor's together in an attempt to prevent lawsuits, follow protocol and to keep the loud opinionated parents quiet.  This sounds cynical, but where were these sessions of love when the victim needed help?  The schools and parents will say they were doing the best they could.  "We have a tight budget and can only provide limited services."  "We had to work and we did not know things were this bad."  "I knew he was upset, but I thought he would be okay."

As a parent, I have to admit, suicide is a subject that has rarely been covered.  I am a part of the majority and we think our children are perfect little angels.  We think our children never swear, use drugs, drink or have sex behind our backs.  It is this kind of thinking that puts our children in danger.  It is this kind of thinking that approves school budgets without proper support for our children.  It is this kind of thinking that makes it impossible to have honest conversations with ourselves, spouses, children, teachers and others.  We walk around with blinders on as our children are crumbling right in front of our eyes.

Center for Disease Control, Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (2009)

13.8% of high school students have seriously considered attempting suicide
26.1% of high school students felt sad or hopeless.
10.9% of high school students made a plan of how they were going to attempt suicide
6.3% of high school students actually attempted suicide 

These statistics tell me parents and schools should be more proactive.  Teenagers that do drugs and struggle with depression seem to be the likely suspects.  However the research shows more and more lesbian and gay teenagers are turning to suicide. 

What is the Problem?

Grades have become a greater concern than the emotional well-being or character building of our children.  Parents compete and brag about the accomplishments of their children.  Some parents are even compelled to lie and find it embarrassing when they perceive their children as inadequate.  Schools are trying to maintain numbers and are focused on maintaining educational standards.  But what about the children all this is being done for?  Is the business of trying to elevate them alienating them?  The spiritual and psycho-social development of our youth is being neglected.

If you do not see these videos, they must be viewed on the Empowered Peace Website

A video written and performed by this talented teen via YouTube

Solutions

1. Family.  Families are broken.  Single parents, teen parents, grand parents raising their grandchildren do not have SUPPORT!  The foundation of a family is two parents working together.  Most families rely on two incomes, but if you have children try to sacrifice.  One parent stay at home and create a home.  If you are single you can still designate a family day.  Eat dinner together without the television.  It may seem awkward at first but your children will feel more loved.  They will feel they are apart of something that matters.  
2. Talk to schools and government.  Let them know about your concerns and ask them what they are doing about the problem.  Write letters to your senators and mayors about teen suicide.  Create programs in school.  For example, instead of having homeroom, have Homeroom.  A class period that students have a safe place to discuss their problems on a daily basis.  
3. Parents work out your emotional disconnections.  You can have family time, but without a real space for emotional growth, it will not work.  Parents look at yourselves and deal with your past hurts, insecurities and fears.  As you heal, you can better handle the needs of your children.
4. God.  Invite God into your family.  There are some things man can not fix. 

Signs a Teenager could be Suicidal

• They talk about suicide.  Even if it seems to be a joke.
• They are having problems in school with bullies.
• A change in personality. 
• They are using drugs and/or alcohol.
• They give away their important belongings. 
• They write or journal about death. 
• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. 

National Suicide Prevention Help Line
1-800-suicide
1-800-784-2433

Resources for Suicide Prevention and Information

suicide.org

MedicineNet.org: Teens, Parents Underestimate Teen Suicide Risk

KidsHealth- from the health experts of Nemours

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry: Teen Suicide 

American Academy of Pediatrics: Preventing Teen Suicide

photos via: health.ninemsn.com.au, the-parents-magazine.com, us.reachout.com, troubledteenhome.net via Google images

Remembering 9/11- 10 Years Later

I feel such sadness remembering 9/11.  Even as I write this article my eyes are filled with tears. 

The days prior to this infamous anniversary, I debated if I would watch programs of the horrible footage.  I struggled with even allowing my mind to ponder the somber realities of death and shattered lives.

In the end I decided I must be true to myself and my country.  I am remembering 9/11 and it hurts like hell. 

I think I am crying more today, then I did 10 years ago.  10 years ago it seemed that the world just stopped.  The only thing I wanted was my daughter in my arms and to be in front of the television.  As the years have passed our country has and continues to rebuild itself.  I feel safer walking down the street, but I remember being frighted to open my mail or ofgoing into large public building.  Time has a strange way of soothing pain and erasing fear.

If you are remembering 9/11 today it is okay to cry.  It is okay to be angry and it is even okay to smile.  Take your energy and put into something positive.  Here are a few suggestions.

1. Thank a soldier
2. Donate your time or money to a 9/11 charity
3. Call a friend and share your feelings
4. Pray
5. Get more involved with politics
6. Write a letter to a soldier
7. Thank God that America is still standing!

God Bless America!
photo via uncoverage.net via Google images