Who are You Letting Get The Best of You? Stop The Madness!

There are times in life when you allow people to lie to you.  You know that they are full of it, but you let it slide.  You know someone is making a fool of you, but you allow the whole scene to take place.  Why?  Why are you letting people get the best of you?

It is in these moments of surrender that positive energy is seeped away.  Every good thing is compromised in the moment and instant opinions are formed.  If you want people to respect you, why do you let them get the best of you?

I was recently in a situation and I let someone lie to me, or at least blow me off and give me a bull$hit answer.  As I reflected upon it, I had to ask myself why.  I conducted myself with respect for  45 minutes, but in a moment I compromised it all. 

The meeting had a positive outcome, but I allowed some of my power to be taken.  I allowed someone to lie to me.  I did it because of their title.  They were in a position of authority and I had the crazy notion allowing this lie to pass somehow honored them.  This came from a place of oppressed thinking.

Not so!  I have the right and the responsibility to only allow truth into my space.  This is how to contain real power and infuse fresh energy into your life.  There is not any honor in letting people get the better of you.  You are not doing them or yourself any favors.  Stop the madness and shut a door of chaos in your life.

This does not guarantee every situation will work in your favor, but it will protect your personal space and keep it sacred and clean.

When you suspect a lie is being offered here are some ways to handle the situation:

1. Ask for clarification.  Let the person or people know you need more information to understand.  There is not a reason to be rude, but be firm and polite.
2. If you are still unhappy with the answer, share your opinion.  Part of good communication is helping people understand your position.  You can not control another man's actions, but you can conduct your own.  
3. You have a choice.  You can participate based on something you do not believe to be true or you can say "no."  You do not have to willingly subject yourself to compromising situations that can cause you harm.  
4. You can let them know you do not believe their statement.  The truth never hurts, but always use wisdom.

Life can be tough and it is important not to let anyone willing get the best of you.  Be Empowered and stop the madness!

A Response to A Cherished Reader- How to Deal with Unapproachable People

I love all of my readers, at least the ones that are reading because they are growing and support me with with a sincere heart.  My article Unfinished Business- Having Really Hard and Sometimes Scary Conversations had the following comment:
This was a nice article but I would have liked to see more suggestions on how to approach or at least pray for the unapproachable. I want to have real relationships and eliminate the phony.

The desire to have real relationships is the start of owning them.  If you have had a background of being surrounded by shady people that gain their glory from your humiliation, learning who to trust can be difficult.  A good way to recognize a connection that is causing destruction in your life is to observe.  Here are some things to be aware of:

1. You are experiencing trouble in your key relationships.  All of a sudden people that you once clicked with begin to distance themselves.  You do not know why, but it is obvious there is a problem.  Real friends and supporters willing tell you when someone is toying with your life.  If they are not will to share their concerns or believe lies and do not share backstabbing rumors, take them off of your list of supporters.  You can pray for them by asking God to remove the confusion the enemy has caused.
2. People know or think they know information about your personal life that you did not share.  This is a clear sign that someone is spreading rumors about you.  It may not be easy to find the person behind the lies, but it is a good chance they are right under your nose.  Another scary thing to consider is the technology in today's world.  People have the ability to hack e-mails, Facebook accounts, twitter accounts, hear your cell phone conversations and even use the cameras on your computer to see what you are doing at home.  It amazes me that people would be that intrusive, but there are not boundaries for some people.  
3. You experience a change in yourself and your confidence begins to fail.  Continued harassment can destroy your confidence.  You begin to question yourself, the way you dress, your hair, paranoid about little things like your nails and continually wonder how people are thinking of you.  You have to turn this negative energy around and use it root out problem people.
4. They will try to convince you and everyone else that you are crazy.  If people believe your crazy then they will not believe anything you say.  The harassment that is real will be turned into a figment of your imagination by the perpetrator.  Then you become the problem.  If everyone is looking at you, the bully has a clear path to do what he or she wants.  They are the crazy ones for attempting to destroy the life God created.  It is the biggest insult to God and it will not go unpunished by Him.  This is classic scenario played out in every movie genre.  It is the theme is 1 out of every 3 Lifetime movies and yes it happens in real life!

These are just a few things you may notice.  Once you determine there is an unapproachable person in your life you have to face your fears.  You have to decide you want to control your own life and take back your power.  

It is very intimidating when you have to stand up to a person that seems unstoppable.  They become larger than life and trying to defend yourself seems pointless.  You have to dig deep inside and let these cowards know you are aware of what they are doing.  

1. You will not die by sticking up to your bully.  It can be scary, you may cry or even lose your words.  But once you do it once the second time is much easier.  Let them know you are not afraid and that what they are doing is wrong.
2. Write out what you are going to say.  Try to prepare ahead of time.  Write out what you are going to say and how your unapproachable person may react.  Then decide how you are going to react to their actions.
3. Let other people know it is their responsibility to help.  Bullies survive in a world of secrecy.  People are aware but do not want to be a snitch or be made fun of themselves.  Let the people who are enabling know it it their silence that allows destructive behavior to continue.  
4. Be strong!  If harassment continues seek legal help.
5. Move yourself to a healthy environment.  If you are unable to get the situation under control, leave.  There is no reason why you should have to endure bad behavior.  Life is short and making connections with people that will support you is a better way to spend your energy.

Remember you are not alone!  You are not weak and making a decision to take control of your life is the beginning of turning things around! 

photo via managemypractice.com

The Good Girl Must Die!

A one dimensional person is lying to themselves.  No one is all good all the time.  As a woman I thought it was my place be good, even during my years of being a "bad girl" I still had a persona within my group as a "good girl."  There were certain lines I did not cross because I needed to be "good."

What is a good girl or person?  A person that lives their lives believing they are walking a saint.  They do everything to live up too society's definition of a good woman.  They continually deny their true feelings and act upon being liked by others.  It is a life full of artificial connections, fake smiles and suppressed emotions.  The "good girl" must die!

My good girl delusions were broken when a bully began spreading rumors about me.  They said I was a whore, liar and anything else vile and evil which exists.  I never knew exactly what was said, but I knew my image was damaged.  I was crushed because I had lived to be everything pure and in line with Jesus.  The only problem was I was denying my authentic self and did not even realize it!

I thought being humble and overlooking the bad behavior of another person made me a better person.  I thought because I made the choice of waiting for sex until married made me pure and holy.  I thought suffering the abuse of a-holes was something to be endured until God pulled me out of the situation.  I thought never getting angry was good.

How wrong!  The good girl must die!  The good girl image holds women in invisible prisons of piety.  No one ever has to worry about the good girl fulfilling her dreams.  She will live her life bond in a stagnant swap of "good enough."  It is time to kill the good girl and embrace your entire being.

As a woman you have all kinds of feelings, thoughts, desires and needs.  Society tells us that certain wants and needs are bad because good girls are not like this or that.  Not true!  Women have the right to experience the fullness of our existence and this can not be done if everything about you is being denied.

At one time in my life, I saw the world as black or white, right or wrong, good or bad.  But now I am realizing life if full of shades of gray.  Harsh stringent standards create impossible rules for anyone to fulfill.  Living in the gray and accepting yourself as less than perfect is the only way to breath and experience the gratification of being you.

I am certainly not telling you to start cussing everyone out that ticks you off or encouraging you to have sex with strange people.  I am telling you that your thoughts and feelings are normal!  And embracing all of you and being okay with yourself just the way you are kills the good girl.

This is how you get started:

1. Realize your emotions are not evil.  We all have feelings.  Feelings of love, hate, desire, lust, envy, happiness and sorrow.  It is a part of what makes us human.  Emotions are gifts from God.  They allow us to understand how situations are effecting us.  When we understand how we feel, we can act appropriately.  Not based on our feelings, but based on our values.   If your feelings conflict with your beliefs, explore it! Don't ignore it!  Be available to yourself to make adjustments and changes when necessary.  Remember you are on a journey and should be evolving all of the time.
2. Know your values.  You should know what is important to you and make decisions to uphold and protect these things in your life.  If you have to be mean or fight for what you believe in, it is okay.  Be true to yourself!
3. It is okay to be different. Many times the desire to fit kills your ability to be your authentic self.  It is okay to be different.  If it were not God would have made us all the same.  Instead of going along with the crowd, have the courage to stick your values and beliefs.  If you are the only one wearing red shorts at the gas station with white strips and everyone is moved by your fashion statement, be happy!  

Now go kill the good girl and be complete and whole.  That good girl is empty and miserable, yearning for the day she can be bold and beautiful.  Make that day today! 
photo via sharewithaline.wordpress.com via Google images