These dysfunctional family relationships are systems people do not choose. They have a profound effect on how people interact with one another. If a person holds the position of "the smart one" in the family, they tend to be "the smart one" in group situations.
It is like a script that is played out or a movie that is ran over and over again. I have felt the pain of a dysfunctional cycle in my own life. No matter how hard I tried to change the people I associated with, change the settings and even try to change my approach, nothing stopped the cycle.
I found myself in a subservient position. Closed into unhappy positions that did not allow me to share my gifts and talents. It was always that one one person that came along and destroyed what was happy. I would feel lost, powerless and helpless, just waiting for someone to stop my tormentor.
Each time my movie played, I would learn something new. Many times God teaches us slowly and gently. The last great lesson was the family. I had a person in my family that treated me as a second class citizen. I learned to assume my position each time she arrived. This pattern was ingrained in me and I didn't even know it!
I began to reflect upon my childhood and similar experiences. I found one common denominator. The family member that always keep me under thumb. The family member that always needed attention, the family member that always needed people to hate me. This was the same person, but she wounded me in many ways.
It began at such a young age that it became part of my makeup. Such a natural part of my interpersonal relationships, that I did not recognize it was wrong until years later. Years into my adulthood. Years into abusive relationships.
When I realized what was happening I knew I needed to stop the madness. I made contact with the family member that punished me for living. They refused to meet me face to face and never said sorry. I wanted to tell them how their mistreatment poisoned my relationships. I wanted to say that their hate for me wasn't love. I want to say that I was making a choice to be free and that I knew I was a good, loving person.
I refuse to be afraid of people similar to her. They have pissed on everything that is important to me long enough. I refuse to allow this falsehood to inform my life and relationships. It is not always perfect, but it is much, much better.
Finding the courage to break poisonous family ties is the first step to healthy relationships. It is possible to find real, solid relationships. It simply takes rooting out the lies of the past and then replacing them with truth.
You have the right to be in control of your life. You have the right to shine and the right to have people love you. Let your dysfunctional family members put their trash in the garbage, not you!
It is never too late! Empower yourself and reclaim your life!
photo via ilovemybaby.org via Google images
